Wednesday, 1 June 2011

A Triumph

Sat in the fumes of automatic washing liquid and dog wee and not feeling absolutely awful I started moving to my new spot, as I find it hard to stop I did far too much. This isn't a happy video, it is a triumph and the taste of ammonia and washing chemicals are on my tongue as I type. So now at 03.01 as I have eased off on the pain, I am going to make myself a cup of tea or two...clean cups this time as a treat!

Sigh I Don't Know What To Call This...I keep coming up with titles Carpets & Doing What I Can When i is now 03.48 and it is still 98% processed, hope it finishes sometime, or maybe I will have to upload again...

31st May 2011 at 02.42    7.37 long

I did reload...After A Struggle

As the day went on I rested, meditated, expressed a bit, thought about expressing, forgot what i was doing several times, and pottered. It is so nice being able to even at the end of a ear infection, well it is seeping a thick puss now, may have thrush, so may have to go to docs sooner, but can probably wait till my appointment Monday. I have got two videos I did after my birthday and when the ear infection started I don't think I have uploaded them yet, but I will. It doesn't matter that they will be in the wrong order as such.

My breathing is doing really well at the moment but then so are my emotions. Not only have I been visiting old memories as I search through the stuff, found 2 valentine cards from my daughter that she made for me when she was young and all sorts of other memories but it is clearing of debris from a long painful time of illness and rejection. In the past it has stirred up all sorts of emotional responses and more difficulty physically. I am hormonal as well, which I had not known was on it's way, so maybe also why I was so emotional a few days ago, although infection can do that too. I have made peace with so much of the pain of my past and present and who knows what will come in the future. All I can do is keep working through it all and surrendering to what is in each now, without trying to make it what I thought would make me happy. I am preparing to write my half developed book. I've been preparing for years!

I am so pleased with the progress I am making and less overwhelmed at the enormity of the task still ahead. This zed bed isn't as comfy as a proper single bed so i will still be going out to get one when I feel able to. I haven't been out under my own steam for nearly two weeks I think it is but I did get taken to the Chinese for my birthday last Tuesday which was nice and I have seen friends who visited Sat, so I haven't been totally isolated. I don't know how long this good phase will last but I am making the most of it and listening to my body to not push myself over the limit. This time of the year seems to be the time I have made great leaps of progress.

One day I will catch up and only have normal maintenance to take care of when able. And one day I am determined I will be well enough to go out and sell my work and earn a living again.

31st May 2011 at 16.43 12.48 long

The Epic Move To The Front Room

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