Thursday, 2 June 2011

Documenting My Process Progress With Love

My, my, I am expressive at the moment. 3 videos in the last hour or so, 1 on my camera that takes over an hour to upload, while uploading the one I am adding here to youtube. I am finding typing a bit strenuous but want to share, even if no-one else wants to, it is here. Some people pass silently through getting something or nothing from stuff I share. I get deeper inner peace and hope it guides those who are needing it insights of how to reach theirs, some of my methods work for many. I don't mind. I don't mean to cause offence but being me does to some. tis the same as us all, our cultures rage in wars and peace with each other just as our psyche does. I am an observer and participant in my own life, it seems the only way I can find well being is to go with my flow and my flow is very cleansing and healing at the moment, not without pain but I am in a phase of transformation...smiles

Good For What could Be Felt Bad

Already lost track of what I managed to say on this video. I felt at this 3rd attempt to document my progress which I share because others have asked me to keep doing but mainly for myself. Not sure which video I said that in now. I felt that this had lost and gained from the other two attempts and I expressed how for me the conditions I am living in today affect me.

I am doing so well, flowing with what energy I have in each moment, pushing it to test my limits but not too far, it feels. Like learning to walk a tightrope, sure we had a conversation about that yesterday. I am swollen in places, the painkillers are masking some of my bodies messages so I can blunder on and pay different prices it could seem to do things. I am gearing up for a major meditation or maybe just a series of them...

It is funny how things happen, how sets of circumstances and emotions surrounding them lead things to synchronise, things we try to avoid that we need to look at find other ways to make us. I am at the moment going through a huge change in physical and psychological, spiritual maybe whatever, I am changing and moving forward. I don't know where it is leading me but the flow is rushing me to my dreams, it isn't easy  y any means but I am enjoying the ride and making peace with the pain...expressing this is bringing a sense of peace with it so deep. I will meditate now.

Thursday 2nd June 2011 at 21.50 length 18.26
This as I say is the 3rd attempt at recording my progress the first I totally botched up early this morning I think, 2nd I didn't realise how long I had been recording and at 30.18 minutes long I don't think I'd be able to upload it. I noticed when I wrote in my book cataloguing most of my more recent videos I did at 20.50. My head is pounding as I write this at 22.18, same day.

It took 3 attempts to add this video and at 23.58 the time was being shown to me everywhere. I pikced my phone up to see if it was ready for me to try and text, hard with pudgy painful fingers, harder even than typing or writng. It was also the time showing as last draft saved. I pondered what to do as my food is burning...oh damn yes my food is burning.......

.....saved it, phew. Dog wants something, probably my cooking food. I made mince yesterday and putt some in fridge and cooked some for me and my friend with the rest of the wholemeal spaghetti I had. I put some in the pan and left it on 3 with the buzzer, which I didn't hear as it is further away and my ears are a bit clogged, as if I have just got off a plane or from underwater in varying degrees at the moment. I added some water, it had only just started burning in a small bit of the pan where the non stick has worn away, note to self really needs new set of pans, maybe it would be worth the investment. Essentials are not always taken care of. Side-tracked. I then went to the fridge and looked at it wondering why I was there, was it the right place to get whatever it was I intended to get, yes it was the tub of spaghetti, which will be edible once heated in with the mince, not ideal but good enough and better than burning or getting it right something in the oven and remembering or not to turn the oven off. I'm not even going to worry about it, I am transitioning and I will be able to meet every need somehow at the right moment, either that or I am heading for a flippin big fall. I've fallen so many times, thought it was going to finish me this time. It hasn' far....grins, what is to suppose it will next time? Fluck it innit? Enjoy what I have now, be genuinely me, express, love and heal my psyche, it's quite a full time job of it's own.

I love life and I love expressing and I don't mind if no one is listening....I am and I am growing into love, compassion and inner tranquillity. No wonder some think I have it easy, I get to feel free and wonderful while they move ever further away from their own well being and no-one wants to end up like me....

00.24 I sit down with my meal, it is hot but looks appetising to me and I am very hungry. I was going to add something else but I can't remember and I think eating is most important right now....smiles

Now 01.33 have eaten, interacted with a few people in the time delay way of fb and am trying to upload photos. Typing has been pushing it somewhat but I have taken more pain killers and added this video as well...

Me, Myself & I
Good grief how do I explain this one? You'll either have to watch it or not...whatever happens I needed to share...smiles x

2nd June 2011 at 23.21 length 9.02

I haven't even seen this maybe I will watch before I add! I changed the screen shot but I wasn't dealing well with light shining on me in this one and it isn't really very flattering but then not many are...

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