I've been listening, reading, thinking of previous understandings in current knowledge and there is talk of us and them, diversity, division, beingness, unity, we are all connected. There are a lot of flip sides in reality that we rarely get to see because we were not looking for it or expecting it to be possible. The truth of opposing views both being correct in part at least. The complexity we have made of simple things with suppressing our very being.
I wrote that a long time ago. There has been a lot more time to think, feel pain, and be honed by the need to survive to come back to peace. I read an article that ended with me feeling a need to shine my light
After watching Lakota Woman : Siege at Wounded Knee, with the words of John Trudell, David Hamilton, Carl Jung, Abraham Hicks, Spike Milligan, Dr Brian Cox, Monty Python, Bill Hicks, Bashar, and many many more having had an effect on the direction of the ideas of how things may really work in our reality...was forgetting Shakespeare, Eintstein, words attributed to Yeshua ben Joseph, and all the influences of art, myth, legend, history from as many different perspectives as possible and whatever influenced me to believe and break down into be lie f* that...I read this.
I have been severely ill most of the time for the last 3 weeks after not being that great and as bad but with help another 3 weeks before with a while of finding it tough but managing quite well with lots of love and good support, till I came to a bit of a full stop for July. The last few years there has hardly been a gap between one hugely stressful life event and another, so physical illness on top has been worse and another stressful life event all in one foul 'fit for work' sweep.
I was considering the world as it was experienced in Wounded Knee.
I had a huge unexpected emotional reaction as they walked into Wounded Knee to take possession, in fact it is coming up again now and I will allow the tears to flow. I have walked though those gates, in the year 2000, I won funds to travel and go self employed a while. I was 10 years old when the event took place. I know some stuff about it and some myth too we can only ever know part myth and part history about current reality as we perceive it. Some of our memories are altered as time goes on and radically new knowledge comes out about what was really going on unknown to us. The memory may be the same but the relevance will have changed and it can spin us into a downward spiral or upward depending on the closer truth we integrate into our understanding of our world and where we fit into it...
The division going on here with ill and disabled people being put through such hardship the death rate has increased dramatically and they now have decided to no longer hold figures about it. Propaganda has still kept many believing it is only the genuinely fit to work that are being targeted to lose benefits and have to go through a process that comes to a judge and doctor deciding if you can have nearly enough to live on back. Disability hate crime has soared. Enough of the problems for the moment.
I have been close to having to be hospitalised and having a day or two on oxygen and the typical arguments of not taking prednisoline as it harms me terribly. Knowing also that although it is very physical and there is allergy, damp, dust, mould and stress involved as well as hunger to not being capable of sufficient self care, the main thing is my ability to release tension and work out the energy of what is going on. It can be quite hard work! Sorry laughing, why am I sorry? In this reality comedy and near death experience without quite getting to the tunnel is probably a bit taboo. I still can't accept many of the rules for being ill and dare I say it with thoughts of suicide that get quite tempting and scare loved ones. Yet often after a time when it has been so bad I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel any more and am just about ready to give up...boom...I work my way sometimes painfully slowly through it and I become the light at the end of my tunnel and I can breathe...even if it gets tough again later...I think that is why I am not afraid of dying, cos I don't think I am finished yet and if I was I can shine my light all the time...till then I have work to do...
added a bit later after an little edit...that was a bit of a long winded this inspired me to wage light, just at the right moment as I had been working through some stuff...I love that last line...smiles and thank you x
Where I am it was 03.38 Friday 23rd August 2013 when I posted this...