Thursday, 28 April 2011

Who is Allowed Dignity?

I may write some more here at some point or I may just do that in comments...I'm feeling like there is something changing, a change about to come, a breakthrough, I keep also finding that happy place within with all being as is...

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Argh I had the link here and added words to the bottom and it disappears I am not a big fan of technology and it's annoying habits...may have sorted case anyone looks :o)

Do I have depression?
No but I guess it plays a part chicken and egg, I pretty much lost my immune system when I was busy nearly dying in 2004. I wasn't careless it was by following doctors orders after an allergic reaction to bleach in a charity hair cut incident. Medication killed my fragile immune system and did it's best to break me with bad skin and ugliness, especially in the first couple of years, this was along side many other I became the saga of my story titled ~ wounded healer...something the really inquisitive and stubborn go on...oh as in journey things...or phases or as I like to call them extreme research times...I've quite thoroughly personally researched many health conditions and post traumatic issues, therapy mainly administered by self as no-one knows how to deal with emotions in rational ways these days, it takes a bit of irrationality to work out how to best avoid doctors and their medications and keep as healthy as I can, or at least keep my mental well-being tended to.

Before that I was a single parent who did an art degree, working part time through out. I had a life and a social personality, far more autonomy over my life. I went back to college after a divorce and a rape and finally had access to counselling, which I talked about and inspired many of the youngsters to go while they had the opportunity. After my degree I went on to do counselling skills courses, which I would have topped up with the diploma had I not been too ill to attend the place I secured.

I was self employed as an artist/craftsperson/Reiki master/budding writer...aspiring counsellor.

I also know that it has been a needed process, which I don't resent, even though it has been really quite vile at times. I have faced so many of my fears...and I am still here, laughing and joking and enjoying the best things of life, which is the ability to love and be love...and throw huge pity parties when it all gets too much, cry, laugh and get through it again and again, which is why it gets a tad tedious when I am considered to be lazy and fit for work, cos if I was I would be out there, earning in the many ways I know how to. I am glad it has changed to tedious, I didn't enjoy the time it felt like a personal attack on not only me but illness and human needs when we find ourselves in times like these. The safety net is very fragile and not necessarily going to catch you without injuring you more.

I recently said....

I don't want to fight for the right to be ill.
I want to be supported towards my well being.
Which means being treated with compassion rather than suspicion.
Encouraged and rewarded, not bullied and punished.

I keep my passion burning bright and with lessening fear it will bring me back to life. I have faith in life, even against all odds. I believe I have a right to live.

And breathe!

Friday, 15 April 2011

A World of Massdebaters ~ Why

A World of Massdebaters ~ Why
Why do we massdebate who is right who is wrong
Christianity and some other religions have the answers in a book
Others argue the only answers are in logic and science that there is no God
There are ones who know they don't know all the answers but know there's more
Are you right with books or science or inner knowing are you wrong
Oh my God you may be wrong
What would that mean
Hell for you
Is it true
I don't think so
You have the right
To believe as you do
To question or follow blind
The real absolute truth
Will only be known
When you are dead
And you may well find
It wasn't what you thought
But that's okay
It really didn't matter
The time wasted
Arguing getting cross
Could be better spent
If you masturbate instead
It's not a sin it's a way to joy
Fabulous shared with a loved one
In the end can we comprehend
The simple complex matter
If the truth we seek
Leaped at our feet
Would we walk all over it
My belief and yours
May be opposing because
We each are free to think if not to express
When we try to force our view to be held true
We just become divided
That is not humanistic or religious
Can't we agree to disagree
Discuss what we think is true
Now who is it who wants this war
To conquer all to their view
Why not come in peace stop this superiority
You are just a human being
Stop mocking others for their belief
Stop thinking you are right
We all are wrong we all are right
We all have our own way
Not a person on this earth understands all the mystery
So give up the fight to be completely right
Play life your way what works for you
It's fine to discuss and share your point of view
Respect each other's folly
For your folly is just as great
Life is sort of what you belief it to be
But the truth will find you in the end.
© Elaine 3.21pm 31:08:08

Sunday, 10 April 2011

This Applies to DLA & ESA ~ Who Is My Enemy

The more I fight my enemy
The more I give it power
Ruling my experience
Pervading all my thoughts
Intruding most every day
Interrupting joyful play
It attacks me from within
The more that I surrender
To love, to self to dreams
I find my own well being
My enemy attacks again
I let the fear take power
Love, loves fear and love
Fear, fears love and fear
The paradox I find
The war is in my mind
Destruction clearly seen
In the way my life appears
My enemy is me.

Elaine Edwards 03.21 Monday 11th April 2011

It's quite annoying really! I have to make peace with the way it is or I will let them kill me and by doing that I will let myself die by letting their fear and loathing trigger my own inner battles. It has nearly worked before I don't want to give the 'enemy' the power to destroy me, those who are doing their best to take from the poor to give to the rich, those who would see much of humanity kept weak in fear to suit their own agenda. Thank gawd I have back up, I have love and people who would not see me starve or freeze to death. I have hope and I have dreams of better care for all...

How afraid must they be to be so greedy? 
How afraid must they be to be so cruel?

I don't want to have to fight for the right to be ill.
I want support towards my well being.
Which means being treated with compassion rather than suspicion.
Encouraged and rewarded, not bullied and punished.
I am learning to be kinder to myself and not perpetuate any of those things inside me...