Sunday, 30 June 2013

But before that...being over familiar...maybe, boundaries are not always obvious...

Elaine Edwards shared George Takei's photo.
Nobody seems to give a hoot that I'm a little different.

  • Tim Kellogg likes this.
  • Elaine Edwards This made me smile...I wrote on it and hoped to give George a smile...
    I love your difference 
    Like · Reply · 52 minutes ago

    Elaine Edwards on good days you make me laugh on not so good days you help me smile...I appreciate that with all my heart in 
    this moment on a difficult day

    Aaaaaand then I may have spoilt it but ahhh well after reading his interview and remembering watching telly as a kid...I always felt different as a kid. I often struggled to fit in, ialso experiencing fitting in with ease with the right people at the right time...and with myself when like today my body seems in strife...
Elaine Edwards shared a link via George Takei.

Smiling as I read that. And feeling affection and probably being an annoying punctuation deviant, partly due to not being well at the moment...a rambler in normal circumstances exacerbated by feeling close to possible death, without worrying it may happen this time because when it finally does it'll be a good day to die...oops I didn't mean to tangent...I grew up with you on my telly we loved Star Trek night and the tradition of the new ones are gonna die...but the accepting differences was a subtlety I didn't get as a child and it may have helped me form into a person who accepts others for who they are not any labels that may apply to them, even then the labels I do like are funny, authentic, loving, generous, talented, unexpected, delightful. I like people who have those labels used about them often but difficult, annoying, stubborn, able to drive you up the wall etc tend to only be the ones closest to us who love us for that side of us as well and us them and I don't know why I am saying this but I feel good saying it. I may not be saying what I think I am though depending on how well I have managed to articulate my I could go off on more tangents so I will leave it there...I may be learning or it could be too late already ;)
This is usually the point I say sorry for being me and I think that is a habit I may be ready to give up :)
Like ·  · Promote · 
  • Elaine Edwards I may come over as a rambling crazy woman sometimes...I've learnt to love that about myself....I am willing to make myself look foolish to touch another persons soul....and hope they don't have me for inappropriate soul touching...I gave that up a few years ago but I don't mind the celebrity dream lovers visiting my astral planes or some such euphemism...mmm I do get interesting dreams...besides don't think the soul can touch inappropriately only the personality can do that because where the soul is not influenced by our stories, all is connected. Even the bad guys have no personality at that level and may not appear to have one but there is such a lot of fear of their own darkness in the way of them connecting to it...I reckon anyway and who knows who has got it right or close but I think most of us who are not sucked in by the darkness of harsh experience of deeper layers of fear....those of us who learn to love much more than fear...

    On sharing this...some conventions are made to change but resist it all the same...seems about right to me...the next chapter is all about us writing out scripts or whatever happens and working towards harmony and the time we stopped playing with all the negative energy which results in the idea that our differences make us enemies, it merely makes us different, it is hatred that makes us enemies....hatred and fear which is at the root of hatred of difference. How silly is that. All we have to do is start accepting we can all be nice and we can all be arse-holes (said in a very English posh accent to soften or maybe harshen the blow of the arse word, not the wind in the willings) and the more we treat each other with respect the more we tend to behave without having to force ourselves in a nice and loving manner, enjoying life with others around all supported and supportive. 

    We have had societies like that before and they were not boring like Demolition Man, was it? Sly gets to be an old fashioned cop in a weirdly innocent society. Or whatever films have planted seed of doubt that we can live in harmony, while also planting seeds of hope and overcoming all odds no matter how preposterous they seemed to be our psyche accepts norms it learns from fact or fiction, it isn't fussy, it can also learn a few things from advertising or the news and history written from a one sided angle, not everything we learn can be trusted as really really the truth...if you listen very carefully life will tell you what feels true and what has a question mark over it and it all has that at times but it is okay. Life is an adventure and fun can be had the same day life reminds you it can end.

GBE 2: Blog On WEEK #111 ~: NEW CHAPTER

I didn't really always know it but I have been writing my book for years in abstracts in my journals. Sort of. I need to look through all of them but that takes organising and things have been getting in the way of that again of late. Health was almost fabulous. I felt just quite stretched and only teetering towards overwhelm at manageable, just about, intervals. Which was a relief after it was so long a question of will I get better or will today end this, not for one minute feeling it to be my time yet, with things left to do, including learning better punctuation and word usage. Things hinted at in an altered state that caused me to vibrate and go very hot as well as say things about my future after speaking of danger that could have been avoided another accident after the first one hadn't worked to say time to move on from that job...

Of course I could just be a crazy nut job, which I have had the honour to be called on previous occasion by someone who would think it weird I may celebrate that fact but who cares, I am me and i have been learning to like me even when my own body lets me down and causes me great suffering which is uncomfortable in quite an extreme way. I wouldn't recommend not being able to breath well enough to function effectively as a hobby to anyone. It can also be very frightening if you are afraid you may die, especially if it is an agreed risk of you condition and you have previously seen the 'Oh Fuck I think she is going to die' look on loved ones faces. I find these things interesting, which probably proves without a shadow of a doubt I am totally fit for work. I can joke about that a bit more now, having won my tribunal and being currently supported as an ill person before the next round of assessments when the judges apology is spat on by atos when they declare me fit for work again. Not wanting to write my story that way so working on any fear attached to that as a possibility and considering if I need to learn that harshly again and who knows how we write our own destiny while fate brings us the perfect other actors of life to play the plot we co-create directly and indirectly.

I am wondering if this is the end of the last chapter of the last book, this life having many books to it, not just one like some of the other lives it feels like I remember in brief and the love we had shared, with whoever my soul rejoices or sometimes fear steps in and sometimes I was right to fear but needed to face the truth and other times fear was clouding a loving connection, sometimes just for a moment. I've been learning to trust myself. Or is this the beginning? A new chapter, is it a new book. I don't know I can't decide and in a way for now it could still hide. It keeps me linked to here and there, the work I do between. I went and did my thing, I grounded, jerked a bit, toned loud and clear sat inside me car wondering if anyone can hear me and kinda hoped they can't. It may come to nothing at all. The fear is less that may be the case. It really is a challenge but so was getting as far as I have come. I may be considered wise or crazy or a treasured bit of both, with stubborn and occasionally obnoxious and stepping on someones toes, not on purpose but just because I haven't managed to reach the perfection of me they think they would like to see.. I've nearly worked ot out for myself...or something like that...smiles

A little later.....
The Battle of the Dragons
I didn't understand your dragons
How could they be so different from mine
You have a very gentle soul
how could dragons seem to torture you sweet soul?
My dragons take me on merry flight and guard my house for me
Your dragons step upon your toes and sets you right on fire
Dragons too have yin and yang a game of energy
I feel it truth when I think of life as energy symbolised with words
With acts, and plays and scripts and plots we never seem to see
The Dreams are different see
even if at the time
they feel pretty much the same
do you ever think mid dream
oh don't worry this isn't a problem I am only dreaming?
Lainey 02.55 Monday 1st July 2013