Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Love or Fear?

I think many people feel things Very deeply pain, anger and fear are very pervasive, invasive and catching. Keeping our own balance is often not an easy task with just our own emotions to deal with but when we feel other peoples emotions as if they are our own it adds confusion. So grounding and keeping a strong boundary is essential especially when in crowded places. Letting go of what we have taken on board as ours often unknown. There are some very sensitive people who don't know this and some will naturally get it and others will be buffeted around until they start to learn how to deal with it. I guess some people have very strong and healthy boundaries from an early age, some learn how to have them and some never learn. 

I also guess it could be depending on what the soul wants the ego to play and how well the ego balances out with the soul once the call is made and heard...or something like that..

Love is also compelling. When the energy of love is stronger than the energy of fear then a feeling of bliss and inner peace ensues. 

At the moment there are many people in a state of fear. All around the world a way of life that has been problematic but relatively stable has been getting worse and worse, reminding people of history that are the worst moments in our humanity, that bring into question is mankind as kind as we thought it was. 

As I have gone through this year of different phases and back to worse health than ever again phases that has been far less awful since the nurse found me to be in a dreadful state with 20% lung function and seriously underweight and referred me for care through social services. Kindness and care has had a very positive effect on my health and after suffering two months of being very ill and very hungry, I am being given a better chance to recover enough to at least self care and who knows what else. Sometimes I fear sharing my optimism for a better future in case that is seen as grounds to take away all the help I am relying on to survive at the moment. 

I fall into that pit of fear too. I also jump out often and dance around metaphorically like a whirlwind of enthusiasm for one day having better well being and maybe ability to do things again. Some would call that naive and wishful thinking, atos would call it fit for work. I believe in miraculous remissions. I also know they don't happen for everyone who does...I have faced a possible death moment many times and each time I was filled with a sense of calm and almost bliss. There are many reasons why I have been more afraid of living than of dying. I often felt in the midst of my worst suffering (so far) a bit annoyed because it meant I was doing something wrong because we are taught in so many ways if we are suffering we have done something wrong, or not done something or there is something to blame, or even something outside of ourselves to blame. It can take weeks and months to work through some of it, especially where abuse and neglect  I've also felt fairly sure I can be better like all the other times once I have let go of something, worked on what I can for the moment and started loving my life despite the less appealing parts of it. 

It seems a bit like when we fall in love, if it is mutual and feels like a fairy tale for a few weeks or longer at first we may not notice the not so good bits in each other or life. If it is desperate and one sided there is a higher ratio of fear to work through. I learnt a lot of fear around loving and being rejected with seeds planted by siblings but given power by my psyche and once fed and watered with lots of manure my own and anyone else playing in the energy, that forms the feeling of the plot of the stories we play out together. When we are bursting with love we can do anything face anything, nauseate or uplift. When we are drowning in fear we can pull anyone who gets close enough down with us. It's all a balancing act between love and fear.

Stand strong in the power of love. It is all that is left when all fear is stripped away.

I'm tired and finding it hard to find the words now. They flowed so well for a few moments there. I have added a bit, I felt there was so much more to add but then there always is...smiles
Thursday 3rd October 2013 at 00.27
I ended up writing a blog as I responded to a post on a forum. I continued feeling the need to express what I am currently learning....and there is loads more. I wanted to respond to the one about dreams my dreams are helping me unravel some of the symbolism as I see it in the story of my life and try to figure out a meaning of life....the meaning is different for all of us....don't you think?

No comments:

Post a Comment