I took that pic yesterday morning before I slept and wrote this whatever it is...for those who know me will know at times I want to go Home. But really at those times I am just grieving the fact I don't bring home to my human body. Long times of being in various states of unwellbeing get to me at times and the tragedy of my story, the things i can and can't talk about cause me to feel pain, through my fear of further discomfort through loss of what I want to feel happy with life. Not always frivolous things, sometimes essential like ability to process oxygen through the breathing process, sometimes I would fail exams on that one.
I see home as a place we dwell that feels safe and comfortable, no matter what it looks like tatty or chic or lavish, a place we can forget the discomfort of being alive brings. I also see home as the place we go when we leave the flesh behind when we have done all we are here to do. When the place I am dwelling feels most home I feel less wanting to go to the other home. The ideal is making/creating/experiencing comfort where we dwell the body in which our spirit resides and the place where that body resides and where it visits, where ever here is now.
I was just going to write a quick poem but that didn't flow...it is 06.52 as i write this and after a lot of expressing stuff on facebook I may be all out of stuff to say now...
Home
is where the love is
last night the moon hid behind the clouds
I wanted to bask in its silvery light
feel the energy of the moon
leave it to cleanse my soul
a job I can do myself
I knew it was there
I just couldn't see it, feel it
veiled impenetrable
beyond my eyesight
fooling my reality into
seeing being believing
Knowing is feeling
feeling is knowing
the love of home
no matter if you can see it with your eyes
I understood for a moment
how thick the veil can be
and matter not a jot
how thin as well
yet nothing can get through
Home is where the heart is
the soul, the joy, the love.
Home is here and there
Home is every where
Home is in me
Home is in you
it may even be on the moon
when hidden behind the veil
or where moon beams shine on me
on my sunny side under the tree....
07.04
Dunno maybe should have left it! But I enjoyed it anyway...I'll maybe cringe when I look back...
Love the poem!
ReplyDeleteThank you :o)
DeleteFabulous poem. Home is where your particular puzzle piece fits in just right.
ReplyDeleteThank you...yes...we can be at home where ever we are...
DeleteThe first step to feeling at home is to realize you always carry it inside you.
ReplyDeleteyes :)
DeleteAll of the words cascade from a deeper place inside of you. Treasures they are, every one.
ReplyDeletethank you...more has been pouring out...too much to share but it is a great way to work through deeper pain as well...smiles
DeleteI loved the poem - yes, I do believe that home is a place inside you and until you're at home with 'you' you're unhappy everywhere else!
ReplyDeleteyes...and I don't want to run away from it as often as I used to...it took me even greater traumas to get over the minor wounds that were there before life really got started...smiles...thank you <3
DeleteI've known you for a long time, Elaine, and have seen you work through so much pain and loss. I know that you struggle and I hope the day comes when you find the peace you so deserve. You are a person with a such kind and gentle soul, and I would love nothing more than to see you comfortable, happy, and very much at home. ♥
ReplyDeleteBethy for starters how do you get the heart to work on this format or whatever...lol
DeleteI feel a bit coming home answering this. Myspace GBE expressing and some of the wonderful people I met there, got me through some very painful times, like I said above the minor wounds stacked up and many more were inflicted. I suspect you are very busy reading and so my fb updates being as long as they get will not all be seen...but I really feel i am at a place where my comfort is more often in evidence...I write a poem before I had my first visit with a counsellor who I knew would be small young pretty and blonde when I spoke to her on the phone and I knew I could blurt to her anything I needed to say, especially when I met her at the door with Joey barking and making a quiet introduction impossible!
Anticipation hangs heavy
the curious feeling
Steadiness while falling
Flailing
Uncontrollably
Into the void
the rabbit hole
Falling into the dark abyss
to bring light to the
situation of life
The Lady of Situations
Shaking in her calm...
18.18 Tuesday 10th April 2012
I wonder would that make a good beginning? I'm nearly ready to spill my book that has been marinading for so long. Sometimes the harder won peace is the better we guard it and live a way that doesn't hold pain and resentment. My life seems to have been a journey to find peace and I do find it deeply so often. I think added strife after this point will never harm me even if it hurts me as much as previous strife has...maybe...or i may just flip the halo and get all ridiculously human and dramatic again from time to time...grins and hugs...thank you for your love and know I love you too, soul to soul...softer smiles!
I think that's a beautiful beginning.
DeleteAnd just so you know, I love all the sides of you--the halo-wearing one and the one where the little horns peek out. Your willingness to simply be who you are is quite admirable.
Write it! Let it pour onto the pages and see what happens. ♥
<3 x
Deletegreat poem on home-so love the butterfly and poem on the chalk board too
ReplyDeleteI love poetry and enjoyed your poem - I felt it. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete