GBE2 Week 54 ~ Self

Ah Self
not on the shelf
alone with other people.
It used to feel that way
before I got to know
the me that was my self.
Know Thy Self
The message from
ancient world
ancient self.
I went inside to seek
healing that was deep
I'd fractured up my being
I really was not seeing
the I within I am.
Hurt by life and people
I hid myself away
I licked my wounds
I faced my fears in shadows
mirrors of other self beings
we all are a self of our own
and we are all connected by love
fragmented apart with fear.
I've been on a long old journey
I intended to share more of that
but tonight all I have is a feeling
of love that reached out
I embraced.
I embrace all I am
all that you are
Each self is
a masterpiece itself
When we realise the love
we are here to be
circumstance no longer matters.
The paradox here my friend
is that really isn't the end.
For when the fears gone
only love remains
and then it all flows
in support.
When you open the flow
all that's ready
will flow back to you
with Grace.
The times we are in at the time
are fuelled and filled up with fear.
When we learn to trust self
to make our mistakes
to learn and filter out
negative space.
As cosmic dust lands in my face.
I go a step too far.
Okay
it really is okay
I keep being who I are.
I wander near and far
visit memories that made me grin.
Past times that were so grim.
Mixed in a soufflé
with crispy bits
burnt edges.
Tasty is I may.
The grim bits and the best bits
make up a whole of me.
Memory mislaid cards
video, pictures, records of my past.
They will come to light
just as memories do
unwanted or with relief.
Once a memory is formed
it changes many times.
It may never be remembered
it may haunt our days and dreams.
The best thoughts are empowering
the rest are unfaced fears.
We may think we know the meaning
the top layer at least.
I delve beyond the hurt and pain
I no longer fear experiencing.
Even when it is excruciating
physically, mentally and emotionally.
It is a part of my experience
a blip in moments of time.
Some moments I have loved to the hilt
some taken for granted and missed when gone
some I didn't like, much if at all.
Moments where I felt
completely over-powered
futile dis-empowered
autonomy struck aside
battered bruised self.
Health too let me down
Can't breathe.
Why me?
Why?
Each bruise healed on my body.
Each breath I took was great.
I stayed alive
having faced death.
I realised I was more afraid of living
Than the release of dying.
All this pain
limitation
You'd think
I'd never smile again.
I meditated on life
learn to live life with joy
even when disadvantaged
in many conceivable ways.
This has gone on long enough
I hope you are well on your journey
To finding your self as love.
 Elaine Edwards 00.33 Sunday 3rd June 2012

Oh dear I am just over half an hour late posting this although it is still Saturday in USA can I be excused for being late...I am just amazed I wrote this. I had written notes but that can be done another day. A piece of flow writing was what was what came out...after I had been delayed from starting by a beautiful phone call from old friends I had cut off from, telling me how I have been missed and how I am loved...

I have not been as able to be around old friends as i was...I needed some time to go deep and deal with pretty difficult circumstances...

http://www.facebook.com/groups/209032889129479/

rather hoping that was a link...my brain is a bit fuddled and I am tired but I am doing very well considering what has been my life experience of late...grins

I have just discovered 3 drafts I never got round to doing anything with. The changes led me to this. Blogger delayed me with changes but changes can be good ones!

1st February 2011 a few signs are pointing towards chest infection but I'm thinking maybe it is more to do with facing a fear...fear can restrict the breathing and chest in a grip...but if I go wrong what would it matter? There is no wrong only against the flow..

26th February 2011  Is Ignorance Sublime
Is ignorance sublime
hiding from time
understanding reason
experience we bleed in
finding understanding
hard work so tiring
facing all our demons
find they too are fearful
tis why they seem so evil
the opposite of live
worries of past and future
stop us living Now
hold on to pain
what is there to gain
which one is the brave
ignorant or wise
truth it is them both
I send you all my love
if you will stay afraid
not face the big divide
if you fight the fight
I admire new found light
if your light is in the dark
I hope you find your spark
I will shine my light
I will find my delight
attract more light
but what of the moth?
01.53 4th July 2010
An old one...but think I needed to remind myself...

Trust ~ GBE2 14th August 2011 When we first arrive in the world all we have is trust, we trust we will be fed and nurtured, at least enough to survive.