tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15305056717869142222023-11-16T04:08:59.435-08:00Peace Artist LaineyPeace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-20102921872761836042015-09-25T10:57:00.000-07:002015-09-25T10:59:32.660-07:00<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Something in this moment clarified by the conversation in my head
with another you out there outside of my world in reality of this moment
but an aspect of the picture I hold as it unfolds, of who this person
is. I was quite perturbed recently to learn that someone was imagining
doing things with me, not just romantic and sexual but saving me from
myself and reorganising me. I was a bit spun out to be honest. I hadn't
wanted that, just help and maybe friendship. I felt energetically
invaded by him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> It brought up ponderings of if that was how it
felt when I become attracted to someone and attached to the idea it
could work out and times of wanting to expand on experiences already
savoured. I can't deny I have in my mind made one or two or maybe quite a
few men into my imaginary boyfriend, either trying to involve them or
not. Clears throat and suppresses a chuckle that was only half arsed
anyway...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> I am sensitive to energy of people, so I maybe feel it
more keenly, or with an inkling that it is not just me thinking along
lines of feelings and visionary glimpses of either mine or anothers
dreams. I don't know if I am explaining that well to those who do not
experience life in this way. I have found that a lot of solitude and
isolation phases actually help me see what is my energy in any
connections where it can get a bit lost and merged. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> I think we
all have the sense of feeling each others vibration of energy, we just
take it so for granted as it is as natural as sensing our surroundings
with the more physical defined senses. We feel atmospheres in rooms, we
all pick up on other individuals and mass emotional energies. If we are
fractured in our boundaries by stress and illness it is harder to feel
safe in crowds and to be able to buffer ourselves against the pulls and
sways of all the swirls of energy around us. Which can account for many a
panic attack I am certain of that...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> So back to the point. Since
I have become more aware of how we can play with each others energy
while thinking we are just having private thoughts and thinking it is
fine to do so, thinking we are respecting the other. They may have
strong boundaries and anything you think their way bounces back to you
or there may be cracks that you get into, delighting or annoying them or
both. I am talking of my own experience of this both ways...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> And
still the point. When I realise I can't stop having thoughts that may
be welcome or not if there are cracks for my energy to be invasive. I
worked on more not focusing on the person but the aspects I enjoy and
creating a character in my mind which may not behave how the person it
is based on. Then when I find myself conversing with myself with their
character being the other voice that may not say much anyway because I
don't always give imaginary characters much chance to talk. Mind in the
confines of the context of relating it is all about me when it is a
person who is speaking to me because of their job. Of course some
friends actually know when I am having daydream type conversations in my
head with them, because they are also having them with me...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Now
I am not sure if I really made the point but I think it is clear for
me. After all the conversations in my head with another you are pretty
much ones that bring up stuff I need to look at for either fun or
putting old fears to rest in peace, complete and not in pieces....</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">18.58 Friday 25th September 2015 sharing here written half hour ago or so...</span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-3100297895979974522014-01-17T15:54:00.000-08:002014-01-17T15:54:02.349-08:00I Am Who I Am But What Am I? Blogging Lounge No 1I wrote the title and put my keyboard back on my pillow, then wondered how I would type it without the keyboard. You ask me, *Who am I* the prompt for me to blog or not, no pressure, no hassle...in this place here...<br /><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/notes/the-blogging-lounge/prompt-1-january-8-2014-who-am-i/1384964898428844">https://www.facebook.com/notes/the-blogging-lounge/prompt-1-january-8-2014-who-am-i/1384964898428844</a><br />
<br />
You ask me that and I go to try to answer by first putting my keyboard out of my reach, what chance do I have? It is a question I have asked myself many times. I am not terribly well at the moment or wonderfully ill, going by the pairing of terribly and well. I meant to say I am not awful but not great at the moment. I am according to some assessments disabled by illness that I experience far more than is polite, if illness were a visitor that could be asked to leave and it would. I am an artist according to my degree, I have sold a little bit of artwork and could sell more if I was able to produce and market it. I am a writer according to my collection of notes written in many different sized notebooks, journals and sketchbooks, scraps of paper, diaries, letters photocopied or carbon copied and digital files some of which can no longer be read that hadn't been printed. I haven't actually written a book and have a tendency to write things people call poems from time to time, some are not too bad and others are pretty dire but it is therapeutic and like a compulsive obsessive deal of needing to share.<br />
<br />
I am a woman of the human race born in an area where accent can be easily recognised in Middle-ish England and learning how I have to become a grown up in the Shires of Pembrokeshire, Wales. I am not short though, 5'8" and due to malnutrition somewhat slight. I get care now so that is something I am recovering from more than maintaining. I didn't like maintaining being only just well enough to survive, well I did or I would have died but I always would have chosen help to recover so inability is not so much of a problem. That takes the strain off. It also leaves me sometimes less switched on than I am when I am well. I have been quite well at some point at that time I would have said I am quite vibrant and what were those other words someone was reminding me of the other day? Bubbly, sociable, only quiet when drawing but even then still talking to people as they came to see what I was doing. I was outgoing and worked hard, played hard and rested quite well.<br />
<br />
I have been lots of things, many roles, many jobs and personal life roles, none of that really makes me who I am but builds a picture of what my experiences have been and how they appeared to myself and different people who will all give a slightly different viewpoint according to their perspectives of life and how they label me through it. I have had many opposite sides of experience, been seen as glamorous/ugly, brave/cowardly,<br />
wise/stupid, to be figuratively speaking put on a pedestal/to be spat on, weird great/weird scary, good/bad, and much more and less. I became a non car owner a couple of days ago. I hadn't been well enough to drive for a while. I am a recluse it could be said now. I am in some ways happier than when I was able to do more of what I want and need to do. I am peace within chaos, I am calm within my own storm. I am thunder & lightening in my dark nights of the soul.<br />
<br />
I am still not quite sure what it all makes me or I. The same as you are to me, I am me to me and you to you.<br />
<br />
I am a part of the human kind, illness takes me out the race, suffering pain causing slowness and in that grace, I have made peace with what I face...<br />
<br />
I am Love experiencing fear, maybe. As I have faced so many pretty awful things that can cause more fear and self perpetuating pain. Love has helped me deal with fear...I may just be a meditating hippy, who knows, it really depends on who is labelling me.<br />
<br />
I used to think I knew. I was ok, not often confident my self image wavered and was often insecure, then I became empowered during art degree before my world turned upside down time and time again. It shook me to the core, shattered dreams I'd only recently dared to dream. Through times of against all the odds I kept pulling through and make peace with another layer of pain and fear. The counselling in college and subsequent counselling skills training all helped and the creativity and me taking it as an opportunity to discover more about myself and what makes me tick, how to avoid self sabotage and how to disconnect the trigger on some buttons that have had itchy-hair-triggers much of my life...<br />
<br />
I understand much of my wrongly learned perspectives and ideas about how the world works. I still don't really know exactly Who I am or What but I don't think it is anything like we think we know. It doesn't matter though for all our knowledge and understanding it is all still very much a mystery as to how things really work...I am energy that doesn't know how to maintain itself at the moment, next week I may still be the same in quite a different way...<br />
<br />
I was going to add a photo out of my sketchbook that I have an album on facebook done December 2010, interesting to look at what I was dealing with then and how to the untrained eye I am probably not much different to then or worse, actually....it may look like I have not made progress...who I am is both different and the same...<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/media_set?set=a.475972406750.257047.546281750&type=3">https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/media_set?set=a.475972406750.257047.546281750&type=3</a><br />
<br />
Or something like that...Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-40313689303569335092013-12-10T07:06:00.000-08:002013-12-10T08:49:12.891-08:00When You Live With Chronic Illness <span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Here's a not so little poem thing I wrote...obviously from the point of view of someone who progressively became ill as that is what I know...</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">When You Live With Chronic Illness </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Distress can be quite high</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Not only are you grieving </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">For pieces of your life you lost</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">The hard work you enjoyed</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Even work you forced yourself to do</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">When that was something you could manage</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Not always easy but enough</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;"><br />Now you struggle to get food<br />Into the house and then prepared<br />You often have to choose<br />To eat or do anything else<br />It's not like you can do both<br />or the hundreds of other things<br />you would do as well<br />in the distant past<br />when your body didn't feel like hell<br />You adapt and survive<br />It can hurt to be alive<br />Each time your are treated as lazy<br />or mentally unable<br />to do the physical things to keep this life<br />Is a slap upon the face<br />a blow of epic proportions<br />Nothing of understanding<br />how this came to be<br />or that it is quite real<br />from strangers of the public<br />But worse the medical field<br />I can keep myself more positive<br />when I stay away from that<br />Having to explain just how severe<br />The low functioning body affects<br />Every single aspect of of the life I can now lead<br />I am not in control of my body<br />I am not in control of my mind<br />I am not in control of my soul<br />My objective is get back to my art<br />The creativity I have to share<br />To be able to work on a large scale<br />I'm not scared of hard work<br />If I could do it then I would<br />With support now I am finding in places<br />I can move faster to get to this goal<br />No support in the times of of inability<br />Slow my progress and challenge me more<br />The hurdles at times seem overwhelming<br />I have felt I can't go on any more<br />When suffering is terribly dreadful<br />Ignored by the ones who can help<br />The trust in anything from out side me<br />Is as shaky as trust in myself<br />To be able to live through those moments<br />The peace that is felt close to death<br />Knowing that when the end comes<br />It is a release of all suffering<br />No wonder sometimes that is enticing<br />But love and other reasons to live<br />Create my work, share moments of love<br />Joy and laughter<br />Learn to Live again<br />I don't need much for a little improvement<br />Pull the rug yet again<br />I will do my best to survive<br />After being a whirlwind of activity<br />I've had to painfully learn to go slow motion<br />Moving slowly respecting limits my body placed on me<br />Without too much interruption<br />From a system apparently punishing the sick<br />I can flow back into an ability to self care<br />At least enough to maintain<br />The precarious times of re-mission<br />Scary crashes relapse hardly managing<br />Basics needed to survive.<br />I am learning to not so fear them<br />Doesn't stop them hitting me hard<br />I've learnt that each moment is passing<br />Pain nor bliss lasts a lifetime it's mixed<br />All that I really am asking<br />Is support just to get through the blips<br />Never knowing how long they will be<br />Or when they will strike again<br />Bit of a long ramble after the medical history records<br />I knew it would be a hard read due to the way I have felt viewed...<br />I was very right at times, especially the doctor that scared me<br />I'm feeling quite serene<br />I am making peace with having been at times<br />treated like a piece of shit,<br />With hostility<br />indifferently<br />or other times<br />with dignity, compassion and care...<br />PeaceArtistLainey 14.14 Tuesday 10th December 2013.<br />Edited 15.00...I have edited this a bit...not my usual thing...usually I leave them as I wrote them even if I think after how to change it...it is a bit like sketching and making the picture from the ideas sketched down. I have only been able to sketch on occasion for so long too...I made it even longer!<br /><br />I don't write to gain attention<br />I write because it is me expressing me<br />Any attention and interaction that attracts<br />Is valued from the heart<br />Even ones I didn't enjoy<br />The ones that hurt me deep<br />The ones that nourished parts of me<br />I couldn't reach myself<br />Thank you all those who share with me<br />In any way you do<br />I keep on falling in love with you<br />Even when you lead me astray<br />Being led astray means many things<br />Away from all I love or back to mend my heart<br />My life, my body, my soul<br />My soul was never hurt<br />Just loves to play it's part<br />It comes through with my art.<br />PeaceArtistLainey 16.33 Tuesday 10th December 2013.<br />Phew!<br />This I didn't edit just added the last line 2 minutes after I thought it was finished. That is the thing with art of any kind maybe, we can always twiddle and tweak it a bit more to make it refined and closer to the truth or image we wish to portray so most people will see it the way it is meant or the image being presented...tired now and stiff...time to rest my weary bones...and meditate on peace...unless monkey mind takes over and tries to take the pish...it's if I can laugh at it that lets me to let go...I have this annoying narrator...who can ruin or make the show....that's why I laugh at myself a lot....some don't expect that with chronic illness...but oddly as it sounds the ones who get my humour are the ones who understand and take me seriously as well...</span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-6639708037609378582013-11-20T08:17:00.000-08:002013-11-20T08:28:03.311-08:00Letter To My DoctorPosted on facebook 04.01 Wednesday 20th November 2013...<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;">Having just realised that my appointment with the doctor who knows me best in my surgery is Monday and I haven't got a clue what my level of expression will be as it so often varies from moment to moment. I wrote a letter to take. I may give it to him anyway. I may try and type it up...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 0.48cm;">03.19 Wednesday 20th November 2013.</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 0.48cm;">The last time I saw you as a patient was before I went to the </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 18.140625px;">rheumatology & I tried to get an appointment again but was going through the aftermath of Nov '11 hospital admittance & warfarin, hospital transport, one or twice weekly clinic. I then was declared fit for work, while in hospital, end of June '12. I was very ill dealing with that & could never get an appointment with you when a note was required and didn't have the ability to deal with anything less urgent, not to do with surviving.<br /><br />Last time I saw you in the practise was the day I had my spirometer test 17th September. I am starting to get a little better since then with care now coming in. I'm getting help from CAB with my DLA claim too, which has eased a lot of the trauma & anxiety that comes up when dealing with asking for help & being unable to do even enough to look after myself. I still feel I can be better but there are many little steps & stages I need to get through. Including making my house fit to live in. The work it needs having done is out of my reach at the moment. I have no help for it but maybe when I am able to deal with it I will find the help I need.</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 18.140625px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 18.140625px;">So far there is progress. I am choosing to trust it will continue at a pace I can keep progressing in. So far it seems to be doing that. I am slowly learning to trust the support being available to me, while knowing at any time the support can be taken away, no matter how much I need it. A decision someone else makes about me. When suffering it is not easy to make peace with the fact you have to rely on others for your basic needs. I have to curb my enthusiasm to do things without losing the will to carry on, with no end in sight.<br /><br />15,56 Weds</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 18.140625px;">After writing this I was tired but unable to sleep, I tried again to settle down at....I will just post my comments off my status about this letter...</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 18.140625px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">05.36
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">need
longer lasting hot water bottle....</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">06.59
</span></span><span style="color: #4e5665; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">was
that only just over an hour ago....I was close to
sleep...ish...thinking about my major life events time line and
surprised myself at pretty major ones I missed till I backtracked.
things I once had bottled up and not faced till much later. I'd
got to 2nd move to Germany, while pregnant, leaving terminally
ill dad behind.</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">woah...Joey just went a bit agitated and
barked at me. Not sure if he heard the wind knock the door again,
it makes the letter box flap knock the door but I didn't hear
anything. It was an enemy at the door kind of bark. He has finally
settled in the few minutes taken to type this...</span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">been back
at bed just over 10 mins and started typing this that long
ago....got hot water bottle and sorted maybe sleep will come when I
settle back down...</span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">07.01</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">just
had to show him there is no-one at front door....</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">07.27
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">he
probably wouldn't have barked if I had been asleep....or I may not
have heard him....I can sleep with him barking...I've even fallen
asleep while he barks...weird sleep isn't it? It can be so easy and
unavoidable or so elusive and unobtainable....like the stuff they
mine a paradise for in Avatar....</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">07.28
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">unobtanium
sleep...no wonder they wanted to market it...</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">13.00
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">Oh
god....horrible wake up with stranger again when expecting known
carer....wasn't nice Joey barked she had little patience, I felt
like I may pass out, felt sick...had to get out of bned</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">13.01
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">bed...she
was getting cross at Joey barking as she tried to get out the
door...I locked door and screamed for about 5 minutes.....I'm
calming down a bit now</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">Joey
having a premonition was suggested I think he did know something
was going to happen today</span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">funny
thing is I nearly locked door again</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">
(when Joey barked before sleep)</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">13.16
</span></span><span style="color: #4e5665; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">I
think he did...poor thing been hiding under the bed...I need a
coffee now...feel shit have rung office in a right state asked them
never to send a stranger again...just been to loo & made
one...still keep bursting into a kind of wail</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">15.49
</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">I'm
much calmer now. I have been talking it through with my mom and a
friend who knows me well and has helped in my self healing with
energy and words, she is an amazing healer and I have managed to
put it into perspective of the energy play more than the actual
details, which is a sort of detachment but at the same time not in
a closed down completely detach from reality way, which I have done
before. It shocked me and was an uncontrollable reaction in my
reality. I had just written a letter to my doctor saying I was
learning to trust the system and know it could let me down at any
time....going to finish typing that up....I was also wondering if
after this jump start of my adrenals again if I run the engine
properly will it help my adrenals work more appropriately?</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I
am going to try and eat the banana by my side in a minute....and
keep grounding, grounding, grounding. Phew, it has been intense!</span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">16.11 </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">Of
course it doesn't help that I am at most fragile and volatile point
of my hormonal cycle right now as my period is starting...need to
eat that banana!</span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 0.48cm; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="line-height: 0.48cm; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px; line-height: normal;"> 16.23 </span><span style="color: purple; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 0.48cm;">it's
quite a trip...so much energy working through to a healing point
for me, which is not comfortable much but powerful...smiles x</span></div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-86624940195602554312013-10-31T15:36:00.000-07:002013-10-31T15:57:50.586-07:00WEEK #128 (10-27-13 to 11-2-13): ONLY THE ENDING<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLq7c56wtd3VDcDPZ-EtXf7xqDu_9gEBos7EmxlB3o2yUxV3IX5TXVERgCxKPFABDFXg4v-QUWYR2S88654d4CgeV5Z4jGMZv8AqvxX170q0VnBFdC_1w-N7hI7MJuanyKqrGtuYB9XuE/s1600/420705_10151354797351751_1151769052_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLq7c56wtd3VDcDPZ-EtXf7xqDu_9gEBos7EmxlB3o2yUxV3IX5TXVERgCxKPFABDFXg4v-QUWYR2S88654d4CgeV5Z4jGMZv8AqvxX170q0VnBFdC_1w-N7hI7MJuanyKqrGtuYB9XuE/s320/420705_10151354797351751_1151769052_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">This is the end, the only end my friend...</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I probably shouldn't announce it singing the words and resisting singing low, 'This is the eeeeeen-nd.' </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Murdering The Doors song, not being the worst thing that can happen. We often don't know the end is approaching in life because it isn't the end of a book with the obvious lack of another wadge of pages. Everything gets tied up neatly and the plot has a good feeling of completion, unless there is a new beginning to hint at for the next book to carry on from.</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">There are no real endings though, even death isn't an end. I have already talked about 'ol Grim. His story of the beginning. I have even published a picture of him when his story was born near the early chapters before going back to backfill the story which may happen next a bit more but not in this instance. As a </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">narrator</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> I know I have done a botch job and gone off on too many tangents. I don't think I </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">introduced</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> myself but I am sure you guessed I am her soul, the bit that is more in tune with creation itself.</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">There may even be another book because her story is so not over yet, we are however at the end of this particular book of it. Live or die her new phase of the story begins. She's ready to face the world, she understands the nature of fear, </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">she</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> accepts it may trick her again, she has learnt to love and forgive her </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">imperfection</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> of this incarnation and all that went before. The stories and games played out in experience stored in the files of the memories that make this life what it is. The feelings and emotions that she held onto past their let go date and the ones she let go more quickly as she learnt. But don't take my word for it. If she has come to your attention, ask your soul to tell you why.</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px;">22.36 31st October, 2013</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px;">I haven't yet typed it up but o</span><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">ne day I may share the beginning that was written after the Grim </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">Reaper</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> picture was shared on fb and my friend asked to be named Nigel...so with the tune playing, We're only making plans for Nigel...'</span></span></span></span></div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-17298684474297842072013-10-23T15:46:00.000-07:002013-10-23T16:20:33.106-07:00A Clarity Moment With A Long Explanation!<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Wednesday
23<sup>rd</sup> October 2013</span></span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
was just sat contemplating my navel (excuse me but I am too honest
for my own good I am told) on the loo having a painful experience,
breathing better than it has been all day. I was thinking about the
past few days, the long run up of being so ill I was sat in the
kitchen crying and shouting please help me, God please help me. I'd
been making a bacon sandwich and scalding myself while making my
flasks for by the bed. I don't usually ask for gods help that way, I
am not one to pray that way. I felt better than I had for weeks that
night in hospital after oxygen and lots of kindness shown to me and a
hug from my daughter before the ambulance.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
had the usual argument with the doc who had the say so in whether I
was admitted or not about steroids and what I have learnt about them,
what I have also heard about increased risks of brittle bones and
glaucoma. How they affected my immune system and how they gave me
severe cystic acne, which has to be seen to be understood. I looked
like a burns victim, I showed the pictures in hospital and to the
carer Monday. The doctor wearing the black uniform took a really
detailed history, which is a long story and contains much added
stress from the way I have missed out on care and been mistreated by
the benefits system.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">She
was lovely called me sausage quite a lot and said at one point about
how I know my body best. That was so wonderful to hear, to be treated
with care, respect and dignity. She kept saying sorry sausage as she
had a few goes at getting the arterial blood sample. She only got a
bit and it was looking like I would get the right wrist done as well,
which I was already having the weak wrist pain in and had forgotten
my wrist brace. The nurse hadn't been able to get a cannula in either
and had a really difficult job getting blood out of me. She did say
at one point as I went to eat the overripe banana I had, that I had
high potassium levels in my bloods.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
cried at one point because I am not always used to being treated with
kindness in the health system either. Apparently diagnosis of CFS and
mental health issues can have that effect, some dismiss us as needing
to pull our socks up or something. The worst thing about that is
sometimes pulling my socks up is actually too much effort for me to
be able to safely do it. Oxygen and being treated kindly both had a
beneficial effect on me and I was feeling better than I had for
weeks. My peak flow before going in had been 90, after coming out it
was 200. Oddly for the first time ever I wasn't asked to do one the
whole time I was in there.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
was put in the ACDU and the doctor really went to town on selling me
the need to take the antibiotics. I asked if it was a viral or
bacterial infection. He looked at me with almost a look of alarm and
confusion. Then told me about how he has seen other people with
bronchiectisis (sp? I really will have to learn my new label!) get
breathless just moving their heads. I have been that bad. He talked
of the damage being done to my lungs. I reluctantly gave in and took
the antibiotic after an hour or so deliberating it. Knowing the
balance between the damage antibiotics do in the short term awful ibs
and the long term further reduce the bodies capacity to fight
infection alone and best kept for times it is the last option. I knew
really in this instance it wasn't that drastic.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">In
the morning, when the consultant told me that I was at the tail
end of the infection and my body had fought it off, it was like music
to my ears. He said it wasn't really going to make a difference in
recovery time if I took the antibiotics so it was up to me. I decided
against it and rather kicked myself for being pressured the night
before but forgave myself at the same time. I was so much better and
sent home, which felt good. I had felt safe and had been supported,
empowered by the experience. Of course I find my own empowerment, it
seems it was reflected back to me. The more I experiment with the
idea of feeling safe equalling being safe and listening to my body
and soul, the more I find it playing out in my life. It is often a
challenge to feeling safe when conditions of your body can mean you
feel closer to death than safe. In a way I suppose the fact that I am
pretty sure I have a new adventure waiting when I do leave this body
and its earthly bounds, means I am less afraid of dying than living
in pain. I would like to live though. I think I have stuff to do. I
would love to live with at least manageable pain and far
less need for help from others to have a quality of life. I am
willing to live with that if it is the only way I can.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />Anyway
the point started out with the clarity that came while I was in the
act of o<span lang="en">mphaloskepsis whilst having yet another
stinky poo since coming home. It may not have been necessary to take
the antibiotics but maybe just taking that one causing a thorough
purge of my gut wasn't such a bad thing. I don't know. I do wish that
they would treat us holistically and help us appropriately as
individuals. Talk us through the results of our blood tests properly
and what foods would be best for us to eat, suited to our tastes and
proportions for maximum chance of well being. We all respond
differently to treatment and stress affects us all in various ways. I
am sure I would be healthier in an environment that is dust and mould
free, with support to get better. Little by little it has been coming
to me as I work through all my fears. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span lang="en"><br />My
dreams have been another tangent of my recent story. It seemed so
clear as I sat there I need to write my story. I know it will be
cathartic and I don't know if it needs to be a novel. There are
things that are not mine to share, but I can share all that is just
mine and some of the snippets of where my dreams, visions and
inspired writing. I don't know, but I do know how it feels when the
muse flows through me, I have no other choice but write or type or
record what feels the need to be shared or simply aired for my own
eyes or those who get to see my journals for whatever reason with or
without my blessing. Even writing a private journal is a risk I keep
choosing to take. I have a bookcase full when I finally gather them
all together.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div lang="en" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">23.45
Wednesday 23rd October 2013</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">What
led me to write the blog...
someone asked if anyone had managed to come off prednisolone* and
about DLA...</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">I used to get high rate DLA but when I renewed 2008
I only got low rate...I was not coping well with the fight for
benefits at the time and didn't fight it. I refuse prednisilone as
it caused major cystic acne in 2004 that was so bad someone I know
who was training as a nurse was worried I would get septicaemia. It
also affected my moods badly and I am sure it was a major
contribution to my immune system going on holiday and refusing to
come home!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">I did agree to them last year after a lot of
pressure from doctors in the hospital when I was admitted last
June. I had a different response mood wise because I have worked
through a lot of my fears and pain from past abuse etc and as it
was a positive experience being in hospital and I had an audience
who enjoyed my upbeat mood. I came out of hospital in a state of
mania. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">One of the things I noticed with different
courses of treatment was that my emotions were the leading erm oh
god can't think of the word...well underlies all the problems. If I
feel unsafe and unsupported my symptoms get worse and when I feel
safe I can have what appear to be miraculous remissions...if I am
feeling emotionally low and upset my allergies are more easily
triggered and if I am feeling loved and secure I can even cope with
someone wearing perfume in the same room...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">this
is the rest of what I shared there...</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">I wanted counselling but
was not given it as it is not available from my surgery. I did have
2 years of it after being raped in 1994 and later starting an art
college course, which was a therapy in its own right, exploring my
creativity. The counselling was (free) at college...I am editing as
I didn't make that clear. I had my first course of pred at the
start of the art course but I am half sure the combination of
counselling and art and the opening up of my life kept me back to
staying a mild to moderate asthmatic. I went on to do my BA in art
and trained in various healing techniques including Reiki. Then a
year of post grad cert of education to teach in colleges but I
wasn't keen on the politics and didn't finish that. I went on to do
some counselling skills courses, which encouraged journalling which
I continued to do after as my life fell apart around me and my
health deteriorated along side, each affecting the other as
such.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">An allergic reaction to hair bleach in 2003, high dose
of pred and then lowered immunity is what led to an unfortunate
series of events that I have still not managed to get over enough
to have stable health yet...partly due alos to the benefit system
keep declaring me fit for work when I am not even fit to self
care...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">good luck hon...I hope you can find the best way
forward for you to find your best well being that you can find...</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">*I
love that they are known as 'devils tic tacs' they do help in some
instances but for me they lead to even worse health to follow....this
bit I added when I added this to the end of the blog for those who
don't know the background to my life story.</span></span></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphaloskepsis">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphaloskepsis</a> one of my favourite words...smilesPeace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-22020863630145853332013-10-19T09:17:00.001-07:002013-10-19T19:33:05.089-07:00Pain Passing Through<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #37404e;"><span style="background: #ffffff;">thank
gawd it was the carer who is good with Joey and not scared of him
when he barks...he was showing signs of distress and that he knows I
could end up in hospital as he wouldn't leave me to go outside. I
cried to her today...stayed on the bed and she made me a bacon
sandwich, coffee and two flasks. If I'd had to get up and put Joey in
the back door/bathroom area...well today I couldn't have done it and
not got very ill...I have got another one visiting with the one who
is scared of Joey on Wednesday and I will be able to go through my
needs etc with her then. If I am still this bad hopefully she will be
able to put Joey into the other room, although that could be a
problem...he does look mean when really he is only distressed and
signalling his protection of me...</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #37404e;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="background: #ffffff;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;">I
am in need of sharing at the moment the feelings as they pass through
me...by sharing them I can release them...we are often stopped from
doing this as it is not being stoic and positive if we share the
painful feelings we are experiencing. So many ways of thinking that
prevent us from processing things, including grief and pain and
anger...all things that fear controls in a major way. Love may be the
bliss we feel when we forget fear for a moment of longer...<br />Just
wrote on text...<br />Crying so much. Big clearing going on feeling
lonely but not lonely. In need of help to find comfort as well as for
practical things I can't do. Desperate & at peace. Not sure what
to do with Joey if I end up in hospital, which I may not need due to
care coming in or sort of because of it. Phew! Powerful energies
going on xXx<br />How are you doing with it? xXx</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;"> <span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">For
the first time I welcome this pain, I am thankful for the clearing,
it's painful but the end results are more releases, this is one step
closer to better days. It was through sharing I found this less
antagonistic struggle routine I go through each time breathing
gets so difficult. Of course I want to fight for my breath and not
feel this pain. It is there for a reason and I need to surrender to
it to not make it more painful than it needs be by tension and the
added fatigue of being unable to move about, relax or sleep but to be
so exhausted I have fallen asleep sat up for moments in that state.
Physical pain can be easier to identify than emotional pain but they
are both the same thing and both cause more of the same in each
other....</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;">at
the moment I am maintaining calm acceptance, coughing and spluttering
a little less, still wheezing a loud tune. I am not all scrunched up
as I tend to have to keep checking and letting go of in this phase of
the decrease in ability to breathe effectively with worse moments as
the mucus totally plugs the airways in moments that could induce
absolute terror if I hadn't got used to it. I do get concerned at
times because I know I push the limits but due to having similar
coping home alone as in hospital when they refuse to give me oxygen
without checking my stats when I am too breathless to eat and finding
the battle with anxiety a bit of a losing one...but I have never lost
the battle and it has been close far too many times for me to feel
scared by it often and only then because I feel I have a job left to
do and I don't want to leave my children...<br /><br />My dad didn't want
to leave his children either, so I know I could be wrong about having
more life to live yet and not in as bad a way as I am at the moment.
I have had worse days and have had better days again. I usually feel
confident I can find them again, even if there is a huge challenge
with lots of obstacles in my way to get through to prove I did have
more to live for....although I don't need to prove it the same as I
used to feel about things. If I have got it wrong I am at peace with
that. I feel my life will only end when I have done what I am here to
complete as the living embodiment of the personality and flesh called
Elaine.<br /><br />Just making peace with where I am in relation to my
feelings and experience of being held back by inability to do things
that could enhance my life, forgiving myself for not being fit for
work, rest and play. Forgiving others for their own inabilities, we
all have them and so serve both ourselves and each other less well
than we may like or not much think about if we can cut things out of
our thoughts, which of course we can't if we need to resolve them. We
all hold on to our pain longer than we would need to if we had a
healthy way to process it and while not depending on others to act in
ways that please us for us to find the healthy balance.<br /><br />Balance
is easier to find in healthy settings. When it is being soothed back
to balance the dance becomes more the last tango in shit stream
without a paddle for a while more than the cha cha but always
recovers back to the cha cha....embraced with enthusiasm or met with
sulks and stubborn resistance the flip side of the stubborn person
who keeps going through thick and thin to find love and joy
again....we may also hold on to how unfair it is a bit longer than
some people would and try to will our way through something quicker
than we are capable of getting through it....we can be a bit
impatient, with the patience of a saint....</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;">17.17 (GMT) Saturday 19th October 2013</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #4e5665;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="background: #fafbfb;">Sunday 01.56 ~ 03.25 </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">There's
more...</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">Sometimes
I go into meditation to release a build up of pain, which can happen
very quickly and in the usual way in how I work and process the
feelings things have brought up for me. I have never been able to do
a mainstream meditation from the world of meditation. For me it can
happen in an instant or can evade me without the prompt of special
music or guided meditations. I have done at times meditation
intensives then forgotten even to ground and hardly going into that
space between perspectives, even for daydreaming. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">It
looks to most people like I am mainly wasting time or at least
frivolously frittering it, which makes some people a bit jealous of
me being able to do that. I wouldn't have the opportunity and
necessity of being the way I deal with being ill, if it were not for
being quite dreadfully ill, in a way that most people would wail and
stay more upset about than I do. Not that I would blame them, it
isn't easy being ill in a way that could mean game over at any point.
It isn't easy for people who love me to deal with either. Indeed some
walk away, some come back and quite a few do the cha cha...or maybe
the Oacky Koky, however do you spell that?</span> </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
do not think I am any worse or better than anyone else in the
deserving stakes. Just because I may at present be considerably more
ill than someone else in the support group, who can still do some of
the things I would love to do and can't at the moment, doesn't mean I
deserve to be looked after any more or less than them if they need
support, they need support. I have friends who are better and worse
than me in symptom collections. Honestly we don't collect them for
the hell of it, although it can feel like we are in hell the more we
collect. They just seem to come together in buy one get two free
deals. <br /><br />That can be made worse by the medications we have to
take care of the medication that is saving your life while giving you
more likelihood of getting a worse symptom that will debilitate you
for longer and take more groups of medications. This is why I try to
use different meditations, they help the release of toxins and
medications tend to build up toxins and symptoms of toxic overload in
the body. It can be fair to say that after some pretty bad reactions
to some of the medication I have been given, I avoid it as much as I
can. Even using nebs and ventolin inhalers is something I want to one
day be able to give up. I may not be able to but I've had days where
I haven't had to excessively limit activity and haven't needed to
even use an inhaler, not many in the last couple of years but there
had been a highly stressful chain of events that few know the half of
it. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">In
that time I have against some odds not only stayed alive but had
moments of feeling totally at peace, happy and unconcerned how much
longer this difficult phase lasts for. Just thinking of a time when I
was sat in the not so comfy, comfy chair, the heating was off because
I was waiting for new gas heating and the old one had been condemned,
so I had an electric heater on and many clothes. I had done the
painful injection for the day, been to the clinic via hospital
transport, you may or may not know the joy and horror of that beggars
can't be choosers help that we are grateful of while wondering if we
will survive another 3-4 hours in hospital waiting for the
appointment time and lift home. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Always
a surprise if it would be a get there in time for appointment or not.
It is amazing because without it I would have been somewhat in
trouble, clinic once or twice a week on warfarin and unable to keep
my clotting levels right even when I remembered every dose, crying
when I was feeling totally awful, as opposed to just dreadful. They
often mainly ignored my crying! Which suited me yet also disturbed
me! My least favourite days were when I found out I had to inject
myself with heparin or a substitute type that stings worse. I had
lost a lot of weight then too which meant I had more chance to the
injection hurting. It wasn't a lasting pain but still hard to self
inflict, I am not a fan of pain. I've just had to learn how to
embrace it and relax into it. I have also learnt that we can get used
to so many horrendous conditions felt within our bodies, minds and in
our surroundings and still allow the appreciation of what we do have
to celebrate.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">At
the moment I first started to describe, I was lost in an Avalon book,
identifying with the characters, it was the one based around the life
of Boudica. I was in my own home, sort of comfy, I'd just eaten
something, I think. I would have to check my journal through the end
ish of the 4 months I was attending anticoagulant clinic. I had
coffee and my own space and would be able to stay home alone the next
few days. I looked up at my shabby surroundings and realised I could
have not been happier in that moment if I had been lounging in a
comfy hotel room in Turkey. Although that appealed quite a lot and my
health does improve when I am there or has done the 3 times I went, I
was still just happy to be in my own space, in good enough comfort,
getting lost back into stories that entertained me and made me think
about if concepts the characters held as true, is true, what does
that mean? I think there is a strong chance many aspects of many
theories are close to the truth. It seems to me to be a case of
untangling the web of lies woven within the truth...<br /><br />This is
why I loved Joan of Arcadia, Heroes, Medium etc on telly and the
Avalon books too. They explored concepts in ways that made me think
deeper again and heal deeper again. Oh just in case I haven't already
made you run for the hills, I was going to share what I experienced
in the meditation to release the intense back pain that came up while
dealing with another bit of difficulty breathing. I closed my eyes
and I could see fragments of massacre scenes, ancient, through
history and far too recent. For a moment I felt like I was being
ripped apart. Then I felt like I was being the killer and the killed
all mixed into pain that contorted my face as I sobbed for both sides
of the horror. I used to hate horror films, I still avoid blood and
gore films if I can. I have always had enough scary stuff that
nightmares used to terrify me with. It wasn't until I started to face
me biggest fears that I learnt in dreams to say no to fearing monster
types looking evil ugly. Charmed, Buffy and things like that helped
too. I learnt more from fiction to face my fears than I learned in
some workshops. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">There
is a mixture of information and disinformation in many ideas shared
as truth. I've added a tangent maybe too far but I feel the need, the
need to share. Not quite as noble as the need for speed, cocky, pain in
the ass fighter pilots who need speed, but maybe a warrior all the
same and maybe just as able to be a gob-shite in my own style. I may be doing good work, I may just be playing in my imagination, whatever I am doing I am enjoying my life even with some major </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">hindrances</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;"> to ease of joy. I enjoy it far deeper now it is so precious and rare to have a moment of easy, ease.</span></span></span></div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-36938648095737756812013-10-16T07:07:00.000-07:002013-10-17T11:25:17.542-07:00Just When You Thought It Was Safe<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">energy bringing conflict</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">judgement</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">fear</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">insecurity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">still catching by surprise</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">old fear buttons </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">pressed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> again & again</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">truth is subjective</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">patterns re-presented</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">ego & soul </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">running the show </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">in tandem pedalling</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">not always equally</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">teacher & student</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">learning humility</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">humanity </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">divinity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">unity division</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">smoke & mirrors</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">you am I & I am you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and all things in between...</span><br />
07.07 Wednesday 16th October 2013<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">be calm spread love ;)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #37404e;">Surprisingly
enjoyable light-heartedness...lucky iplayer find </span><span style="color: #37404e;"> a
bit fabulous ~ he's yummy & too young but sue me! </span><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span><span style="color: #37404e;">Atlantis </span><span style="color: #37404e;">1.
The Earth Bull ~ </span></span></span><span style="color: #37404e; font-family: 'Cataneo BT', cursive; font-size: 11pt;">Jason
washes up on the shores of a strange and mysterious land:</span><span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span><span style="color: #37404e;">Nice
swift emotion processing...being in now...no current challenges to
peace...appreciating this</span><span style="color: #4e5665;">
</span></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #37404e;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;">I
am working out more how distraction is needed at times...how it can
help us work through our processes by taking a time out...I am still
recovering from a non bath bath....I was not able to wash myself but
I was able to sit in it and even sit back for a few moments a couple
of times....things were going round my head about why certain buttons
cause me to react in certain ways...</span> </span></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;">On
a lighter note this was just so English, British...yes we have
collective kinds of ways of being that has many subcultures among the
masses of individuals that we recognise and feel at home with some
and not so much with others. I am of the female gender that puts me
in a group. I was born in England, that puts me in a group. I live in
Wales that puts me in a group. I am an artist....and so on and so on.
I don't get on with all females or all artists, that is okay. I don't
attack other females for being a different expression of female than
me. I would call a female up for being cruel if she ridiculed another
female for being female in a different way or if she did it to me
when I pointed it out as unkind.<br /><br />This has slipped into
the energy of what has been the drama in my life the last couple of
days. By my life standard of drama it is insignificant in many ways
but a major thing as well. In my process of working through it in a
group situation, I was told to let it go before I was ready. While I
was fresh from being mocked again. Something that hits buttons put
there in my childhood. So yes of value but not an excuse for
unkindness.<br /><br />I see the system that I depend on for my
living needs as very unkind in many places. I also appreciate it as I
would not be able to live and survive without its grudgingly given
subsistence. To shout out about it being unfair is something we are
often admonished for by those who don't understand what it is to have
to rely on a corrupt system. That may be a tangent too far but it is
all a similar energy of control.<br /><br />I had so many thoughts going
round my head in the bath....being useful as a trigger to look even
deeper does not excuse stubborn denial that the other did anything
wrong at all, being obviously hurtful to many people all trying to be
more heart centred and saying sorry for being sensitive and unable to
deal with less kind energy.<br /><br />I have also thought a lot about
the fact I know I haven't got all the answers and I am doing the best
I can with what I have at the moment on an energy level and the
physical. I am a human as well as a being and sometimes react more
from my human than my being and also the other way round.<br /><br />Conflict
only happens where there is at least two willing people to engage
with it. If conflict is to be resolved fully then both have to see
their role that leads to the play of battle of words and energy. To
dismiss one sides part which could be seen as fault to blame them
with is damaging as holding the blame aspect of conflict. It probably
goes a long way to that being played out in so many creative ways we
choose to. Projection is a funny one as well as often one 'side' will
see the other side as projecting and themselves not doing so. This is
a problem leading often in my experience to the one who uses the most
deflection in the mirror of the interaction using it as evidence that
they are always right and the other one is wrong. Hmm where does that
leave either side? Both having won & both having lost maybe?</span>
</span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;">This is a work in progress as I unravel more. While I sat in the bath soaking in the epsom salts and still thinking I may be able to wash my hair and my body the thoughts came thick and fast. Memories of the very unkind ways of arguing and belittling to keep me subdued as a child by a sibling I could never please as it wasn't possible to change into a boy so I could be his brother and not this annoying little sister. If I had been Robert the little brother he would have liked and with the personality of me, I doubt it would have much changed the dynamics. I would have still been younger and still unable to deal with that style of arguing which was displayed so strongly by another the other day. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;">Considered superior intelligence and picking every thing said and done to shreds and as evidence of my 'wrongness' and their 'rightness' is something that can bring me right back to that child who felt despondent and despairing of having a place in the world. As I realised I had worth no matter how any one else saw me it still got to me but in a different way. It is not fair. It is not kind. I don't like the energy. I watch out for my shadow self that may feel a bit superior at times. That old adage of 'don't sink to their level, you are better than them,' is unkind in its own way. I am not better than them, I may be behaving slightly better but that does not mean I am better. I get my knickers in a twist when they think they are better than me when they are not, no-one is. They often act as if they are while displaying very bad behaviour. There is a part of me that forgives that but also wants them to learn to be kind and they are not always ready for that.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;">I wrote the poem directly after an engagement of conflict energy. I tried to set the time to GMT but it will only stay at Pacific Daylight Time. I ended up setting it to post at that time I am presuming 8 hours later...I added this bit between the hours of 17.33 and 19.19 Thursday 17th October 2013</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;">All of this has been shared on my facebook wall too but I decided to keep it more easily found by making it a blog...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4e5665; font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive; font-size: 15px;">ps. I was taught to be sarcastic and fight back with stinging words. I did for a while and can be very good at it, a cutting, off the cuff statement is very easy for me to deliver. I have done a lot of work on myself to not do that so much because I can be very unkind and being unkind is something I don't want to be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Cataneo BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #4e5665;"><br /></span></span></span>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-51088581729370503162013-10-14T08:44:00.001-07:002013-10-15T10:42:23.159-07:00Faulty Data Used to Divide & Conquer...<br />
<br />
<div class="clearfix mbs pbs _1_m" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<h5 class="_1_s" data-ft="{"tn":"C"}" style="color: #333333; font-size: 12px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px; margin: 4px 51px 1px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="fcg" style="color: #89919c;"><span class="fwb" style="font-weight: bold;"><a aria-haspopup="true" aria-owns="js_1623" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=546281750" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id="js_1624" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Elaine Edwards</a></span> shared a photo</span></h5>
<div class="_1_n fsm fwn fcg" style="color: #89919c; line-height: 15px;">
<a class="uiLinkSubtle" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151622138641751" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">17 hours ago</a><br />
<div class="uiSelector inlineBlock audienceSelector timelineAudienceSelector audienceSelectorNoTruncate dynamicIconSelector uiSelectorNormal uiSelectorDynamicTooltip" style="display: inline-block; margin-left: 1px; margin-top: -3px; max-width: 200px; vertical-align: top; zoom: 1;">
<div class="uiToggle wrap" style="position: relative;">
<a ajaxify="/ajax/privacy/privacy_menu.php?iconsize=small&oid=10151622138641751" aria-expanded="false" aria-haspopup="1" aria-label="Public" class="uiSelectorButton uiButton uiButtonSuppressed uiButtonNoText" data-hover="tooltip" data-label="" data-length="30" data-oid="10151622138641751" data-tooltip-alignh="center" data-tooltip="Public" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" rel="toggle" role="button" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-position: 100% -212px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; border: 1px solid transparent; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; line-height: 13px; max-width: 169px; padding: 2px 20px 2px 8px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;"><i class="mrs defaultIcon customimg img sp_6pbz2c sx_bfabcf" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yQ/r/zazNn_L1jRw.png); background-position: -105px -476px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 12px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: 1px; margin-top: 2px; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: top; width: 12px;"></i></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="userContentWrapper aboveUnitContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_525c0ca8ac15d3555336583" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent">It hits a nerve when I see this kind of thing shared... I had to say this and not worry if it makes me unpopular...Elaine Edwards I wonder how accurate and true this is...if the pensioner is in receipt of housing benefit as well it would be<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"> higher...whether both the totals include all the same aspects such as council tax benefit and the housing etc....these kinds of figures are used to divide and conquer us and get us fighting among ourselves blaming others whose blame is not as deserved as the tax dodging and tax breaks to big business....so the rich continue to get richer and the poor fight among themselves...<br /><br />Elaine Edwards the system is wrong and in many places unfair in the most appalling ways but the propaganda used to deflect us away from the real problems and solutions make me feel sicker...</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span>*The photos stated a figure for a pensioner and then for immigrants making it look like the later has around 4 times the amount a pensioner does. The way it was presented didn't make it clear what the figures included just came up with a total. I did keep it on my page but set to only me but it has now disappeared, either due to it being taken down or made private.* edit 18.41 15th October 2013<br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"></span></span><br />
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIFirstComment UFIFirstCommentComponent" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}" style="border-top-color: rgb(235, 235, 235); border-top-style: solid; border-width: 1px 0px 0px; margin: 0px 12px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">Elaine Edwards it has annoyed me since I first got declared fit for work falsely the first time...it is not immigrants fault that we are given a raw deal and when I talked about it that was what got used to deflect talking about my situation and the fact that there are people who fraud....far less than the press would have you believe...they use all this kind of stuff to harm us all more...that is why it upsets me </span><br data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[1]" /><br data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[2]" /><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256883}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]">Elaine Edwards and of course there are people who think I am not really as bad as I say and think I look ok so I am....I was at a funeral of the guy I shaved my head for in a charity stunt (that led to my current state of health) and a man started talking about beating an immigrant to death to put others off....this kind of talk is dangerous it leads to that kind of idea being thought by some as reasonable...</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">they say we can't afford to look after the sick and disabled but they lie....they can afford to pay for atos to abuse us and workfare that doesn't get people into work just working for their benefits and sanctions...they are spending more money on destroying the welfare system than they are saving from their austerity measures...I too wish to see pensioners, ill and disabled, unemployed and low paid workers properly supported but don't forget that many of the asylum seekers are not in the position that this suggests...and are in just as appalling conditions as many of us are...</span><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[3]"></span></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg UFICommentActions" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3]" style="clear: both; color: #89919c; padding-top: 2px;">
<span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[0].[0]" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151622138641751?comment_id=27256944&offset=0&total_comments=35" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">16 hours ago</a></span><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[1]"> · </span><a class="UFILikeLink" data-ft="{"tn":">"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[2]" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" title="Like this comment">Like</a><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[3]"> · </span><a ajaxify="/ajax/browser/dialog/likes?id=10151622174611751" class="UFICommentLikeButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[4]" data-tooltip-alignh="center" data-tooltip-uri="/ajax/like/tooltip.php?comment_fbid=10151622174611751&comment_from=546281750&comment_likecount=3&comment_id=10151622138641751_27256944&cache_buster=0" href="https://www.facebook.com/browse/likes?id=10151622174611751" rel="dialog" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; margin: -5px; padding: 0px 5px 4px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><i class="UFICommentLikeIcon" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[4].[0]" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yZ/r/dpeCeeBPRq_.png); background-position: -247px -102px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 9px; margin-right: 3px; width: 10px;"></i><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256944}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[3].[4].[1]">3</span></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<br />
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}" style="float: right;">
<a aria-label="Edit or Delete" class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}.[0]" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" role="button" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yh/r/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 0; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;"></a></div>
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27256968}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">Daily Mail is one of the worst offenders of taking the p out of the genuine by waging this war on us....I will stop here before I get upset...smiles</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</span></span></ul>
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"></span></span><br />
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[0]">And the false premise that we can't afford it...the corruption in governments around the world is quite appalling....I am sure there are many examples of the lies many believe</span><br data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[1]" /><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[2]">we can't afford it...we will host the olymics, we can't afford it, we will h</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257306}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[0]">ave a big spend on the jubilee parties....we can't afford to care for the sick, we will have a state funeral for Maggie the ex most hated prime minister till Dave arrives on the scene....the bankers can have their massive bonuses and we will still bail out the banks....the government will have a pay rise and more expenses on top...ranty time over...smiles</span></span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257320}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">Thank you Geri I like your comment not for the sad news your country is suffering the same shizz but you understand why I feel the way I do <span class="emoticon emoticon_heart" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yQ/r/zazNn_L1jRw.png); background-position: -51px -715px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title="<3"></span> x</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</span></span></ul>
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"></span></span><br />
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257746}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">and a friend shared this as propaganda from my page....feeling sad...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}" style="float: right;">
<a aria-label="Edit or Delete" class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}.[0]" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" role="button" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yh/r/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 1; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;"></a></div>
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27257784}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">took her off friend list...a person I know in real life...not the only reason I made that choice...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="lfloat" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}.[0].{left}" style="float: left;">
<span style="color: #4e5665; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none;"><a aria-hidden="true" class="img _8o _8s UFIImageBlockImage" data-ft="{"tn":"T"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750&extragetparams=%7B%22hc_location%22%3A%22ufi%22%7D" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}.[0].{left}.[0]" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none;" tabindex="-1">she shared it from this post...so many people just take it as true much of the propaganda we have been fed to make the reforms palatable to even people it is affecting...it is quite heart breaking.</a></span></div>
<div class="lfloat" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}.[0].{left}" style="float: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="lfloat" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}.[0].{left}" style="float: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="lfloat" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258344}.[0].{left}" style="float: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</li>
</span></span></ul>
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"></span></span><br />
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<br /></div>
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258365}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">the only reason I shared it was to point out how bad this is...not for others to share it from my page feeling proud to spread the stuff that divides us...we are being played and I just found it ignorant to share it from my page...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<br />
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258380}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">to me it is like me having a 'work sets you free' poster and explaining how it is being used to leave way for future murder of the workless~for whatever reason and then the person sharing it without pointing that out and being proud to work bloody hard and not be incapable...not giving a tinkers cuss for the struggling artist or the ill person...had to lighten it up a bit or I won't sleep!</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</span></span></ul>
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">
</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">I guess I understand people not understanding the significance of spreading this but not spreading it after being given an opportunity to understand....if she wanted to share it do it from someone else's wall but not mine....it upset me....more than seeing it where I shared it from but then there is other stuff to do with knowing each other that factored in and the fact that she will be hurt I took her off list...</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258459}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">well I haven't seen her for well over a year so it could be some time before it gets to that point!</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R9"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}" style="border: 0px; margin: 1px 12px 0px; padding: 9px 0px 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258464}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">and I am pretty much housebound without help right now and often even if I had help...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</span></span></span></span></span></ul>
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">
</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">so many people believe so much shit...and some would say the same of me...grins</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258531}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258531}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258531}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258531}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">and I guess I did have a big sense of being let down I had been ignoring so when she did that it felt like a kick in the teeth after already being pushed out in the cold...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">If it hadn't been for such a laborious procedure to defriend people I would have taken virtually every local person off my list a couple of months ago when my life felt so desperate and I had put pleas out for help and no-one responded....I was feeling no-one loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some wer-er-erms...big fat juicy ones incy wincy tiny ones, incy wincy wiincy wincy worms...oh dear....</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258588}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258588}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258588}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258588}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">I am not immune to acting as reactively and regressively in a playground manner...although I never joined in with any of the running to go see the action when the chant fight fight fight started up I would stay where I was or get out of the way...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258625}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258625}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258625}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258625}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">I actually understand that and can be very forgiving of that having caused big breaks in contact...also understanding and appreciating I wouldn't have the energy to keep more up with many people and when the energy is not right things naturally happen and plans don't work out...and also appreciating the friendships that I can reconnect at any point with...those who mutually are pursuing other avenues as such...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">I feel very serene...discussing this has helped loads...smiles</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">just kindness is such a blessing..</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span style="font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">ffs it has been shared again!</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk]" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIFirstComment UFIFirstCommentComponent UFIFirstComponent" data-ft="{"tn":"R1"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 4px 12px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015110}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">I despair at this being shared it is propaganda to divide and conquer and deflect from the real truth about the reforms....I guess you didn't see my feelings about it?</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display" data-ft="{"tn":"R0"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 4px 12px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}" style="float: right;">
<a aria-label="Edit or Delete" class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}.[0]" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/helen.gordon.3139/posts/706924592668693?comment_id=106015121&offset=0&total_comments=3&notif_t=share_reply#" role="button" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yh/r/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 1; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;"></a></div>
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015115}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">And how I feel about it being shared as propaganda from my page <span class="emoticon emoticon_frown" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yQ/r/zazNn_L1jRw.png); background-position: -85px -715px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title=":("></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border-left-color: rgb(168, 178, 206); border-left-style: solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0px 2px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 4px 12px 4px 10px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015127}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">I am not happy about facts being distorted to share hatred towards scapegoats rather than do something about the real problems...sorry really upsets me</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment display UFILastComment UFILastCommentComponent UFIUnseenItem" data-ft="{"tn":"R"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border-left-color: rgb(168, 178, 206); border-left-style: solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0px 2px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 4px 12px 4px 10px; word-wrap: break-word;"><div class="clearfix" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}" style="float: right;">
<a aria-label="Edit or Delete" class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0].{right}.[0]" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/helen.gordon.3139/posts/706924592668693?comment_id=106015121&offset=0&total_comments=3&notif_t=share_reply#" role="button" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yh/r/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 0; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;"></a></div>
<div class="" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}">
<div data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[1tkxk].[1][4][1]{comment706924592668693_106015170}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]">I shared it to point out the misinformation...I am seriously considering taking it down but the points I made about it are valid...someone I used to be friends with shared it from my page last night and I removed her from my list...it's not that simple....it has nothing to do with immigrants the way they treat pensioners...this kind of thing has led to asylum seekers being treated even more badly...I am going to write a blog about it and remove it from my page...sorry if you feel uncomfortable with any of my feelings about this...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</span></span></span></span></span></ul>
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">
</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5pci1].[1][4][1]{comment10151622138641751_27258433}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]">I tried to put this and it had been removed....bless I hope I haven't upset a gentle soul...</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span><span style="background-color: #edeff4; color: grey; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">I've taken it off my page...what you do with it is your choice...as I said on my page it hits a raw nerve when this rubbish gets shared </span><span class="emoticon emoticon_heart" style="background-color: #edeff4; background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yQ/r/zazNn_L1jRw.png); background-position: -51px -715px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; color: grey; display: inline-block; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; height: 16px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title="<3"></span><span style="background-color: #edeff4; color: grey; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> x</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #edeff4; color: grey; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">It wasn't necessarily removed but she did defriend me...oh well...</span></div>
</div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-28579906802889167242013-10-12T14:56:00.000-07:002013-10-12T15:34:51.702-07:00So Close & So Far I AmLooking at old pictures having shared a picture of a poem thing I wrote with a bit of a sketch on my fb, which I could possibly share here...although what I saw and made me laugh and reminded me of who I am at core along the way with who I am in moments...or something like that...<br />
<div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".r[12yzi].[1][4][1]{comment450791131750_3340252}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0]" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">
<div align="LEFT" style="border: none; line-height: 0.32cm; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=450791131750&set=a.442998886750.239912.546281750&type=1&comment_id=3340252&offset=0&total_comments=8"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></span></a><span style="color: grey;"> ·</span></span><br />
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Loving you is
easy cos you're beautiful...</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I
did sing a bit of it....I sang it unheard by human ear (pitch
perfect, I can sometimes other times I sound like an embarrassed (but
not giving a flying fugg) strangled parrot) but it was being sung to
all the beautiful people I know and all the ones I apparently don't.
I'm feeling all kinda cosmic been having a lovely night and morning,
been listening to Bill Hicks and thinking he is tapped into the
cosmic intelligence that Abraham Hicks is and so am I am and so can
anybody be and so is someone already so very special to me...<br /><br />And
I am feeling sound as a pound and a bag of mints<br />A feeling of
bliss it would seem unseemly to share in the glare<br />Scrutiny for
the physically or psychologically impaired<br />You know the ones
society once thought should have care<br />But the climate we live in
says you must not be capable of fun<br />How dare you have moments that
you can enjoy<br />The taxpayers paying for you to be scrounging work
shy<br />If you can smile and say you are one with the world<br />Then
why can't you get off your lazy backside<br />Never mind you prefer not
to share all thoughts that disable<br />Reality of the facts of your
bodies actual labels<br />Symptoms that worsen the more they are talked
of<br />A catch 22 in a way to actually be enabled back to well being<br />A
choice I take away a little each time I moan of it being true<br />Which
by the way I have proof it is real in physical symptoms<br />If I
distract myself with thoughts of love I can do more<br />I can have a
safe bath without remembering I once nearly died<br />Bringing up fear
that restricts to the extent I can't breathe<br />Forget it and I can
enjoy a nice soak let lose in daydreams<br />There is someone invoking
a sense dreams come true<br />It was an awful lot harder with the muse
now retired<br />If all goes to plan or even if will keep my well
being<br />Not have to distract from reality seen with my eyes<br />Felt
in every painful moment to find a little relief<br />From the reality
that has made up my life these past years<br />My nature is vital and
vibrant and filled with creativity<br />Being unable makes me want to
just scream<br />This isn't life it is hell on this earth<br />Then
moments meditation a drift into bliss<br />Orgasm crying burping
expressing all a release<br />My saving graces in moments so rare<br />Apart
from the crying that was over despair<br />I've been on this journey to
see who we are<br />I looked in some mirrors reflections of all<br />I
saw me in you and in him and in her<br />I saw you in me and I'm saying
no more<br />Well maybe just this there is more to explore<br />I wonder
if it matters who thinks I deserve<br />A chance to live my life a
chance to be heard<br />It doesn't much matter I am me anyway<br />It
time for a new chapter to get written and play<br />You see this old
story is mine as it is<br />It is also so similar to some others I
know<br />It is only a story my perception has lived<br />The next
chapter always starts where we are<br />Being created along the way
from where we have been<br />The joke in the cosmos is we believe in
this game<br />I guess we do cos it's true cos we feel it so
real.<br />Elaine 10.42 Sunday 2010<br /><br />Not slept yet since whatever
time I woke up last night, can't even remember how long I slept now
but it doesn't matter. It only matters if it has to. When it has to
matter more of the time I have been quickly getting ill. I'm not so
keen on the old escape fantasy of a life that is sometimes
overwhelmingly hard being ended. I always calm the fugg down when I
have to due to inability to intake enough oxygen to function
properly, notice the word fun in function, when we do function, we
are also able to more easily enjoy fun. I think I may have tangented
there a little? But hey this is my page and I can do what I want. I
can write what I want and dream what I want, this is a free country
and not a fascist regime is it not?! Or does the very fact I can
dream and can imagine being well and sometimes even feel that, even
if it is mostly because I am in deep meditation or enjoying amazingly
cool conversations. These things help me find the energy to feed
myself more adequately and even take in oxygen better.<br /><br />I
believe I have the right to live and to choose how to recover from
severe physical and psychological difficulties that have severely
limited my ability to be who I am. An artist, a writer, a craft
person, a visionary, an abstract thinker, a cosmic joker, a heyoka, a
so called poet, a lover of humanity (but not in a sluttish way except
for the lucky chosen!), a compassionate person who wants to be able
to help people find their own inner power, that maybe it doesn't have
to be as hard as we make it...that the truth resides in your heart
and when you can see with your heart and your mind it makes
everything so much nicer, but till then you may just see me as
something beneath you and that is okay cos I don't see you above or
beneath me.* I just see you as my equal as you are a being human too,
no matter if you are so hard hearted you would judge a person more
vulnerable than you as less than you. So whoever may ever read this,
like it or not you are as I am, a being human and I see you at my
side. You may be royal or a tramp, or anything in between, you are as
I am. Nothing so special your shit pays your debts and nothing so
miserably pathetic you deserve the shit that you get. We actually are
in this together, it is about time we learnt how to actually do that
in fairness, with compassion and respect for all human life.<br /><br />Rant
helped me get here as well as life, everything and everyone who has
been in it, recent inspirations Bill Hicks, Abraham Hicks, Esther &
Jerry Hicks...lots of Hicks here, Eddie Izzard, Jung, my lovely best
so far muse with potential to develop seriously creatively, much
other people's stories that are like mine in many ways, although not
all those people have some of the tools i have such as meditation and
counselling skills giving way to an ability to journal and self
assess although possibly good to have qualified agreement
sometimes...not always by certificate life can also be good for
qualifying. Ramble end here...meditation time waiting!</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="border: none; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=450791131750&set=a.442998886750.239912.546281750&type=1&comment_id=3340252&offset=0&total_comments=8"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: medium;">7
November 2010 at 11:09</span></span></span></span></a><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> ·</span></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-80034597502847264352013-10-02T16:27:00.002-07:002013-10-02T16:41:56.593-07:00Love or Fear?<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
think many people feel things Very deeply pain, anger and fear are
very pervasive, invasive and catching. Keeping our own balance is
often not an easy task with just our own emotions to deal with but
when we feel other peoples emotions as if they are our own it adds confusion. So
grounding and keeping a strong boundary is essential especially when in crowded
places. Letting go of what we have taken on board as ours often unknown.
There are some very sensitive people who don't know this and some
will naturally get it and others will be buffeted around until they
start to learn how to deal with it. I guess some people have very
strong and healthy boundaries from an early age, some learn how to
have them and some never learn. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I also guess it could be depending on
what the soul wants the ego to play and how well the ego balances out
with the soul once the call is made and heard...or something like
that..</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Love
is also compelling. When the energy of love is stronger than the
energy of fear then a feeling of bliss and inner peace ensues. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">At the
moment there are many people in a state of fear. All around the world
a way of life that has been problematic but relatively stable has
been getting worse and worse, reminding people of history that are
the worst moments in our humanity, that bring into question is mankind as kind as we
thought it was. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">As I have gone through this year of different phases and back to worse health than ever again phases that has been far less awful since the nurse found me to be in a dreadful state with 20% lung function and seriously underweight and referred me for care through social services. Kindness and care has had a very positive effect on my health and after suffering two months of being very ill and very hungry, I am being given a better chance to recover enough to at least self care and who knows what else. Sometimes I fear sharing my optimism for a better future in case that is seen as grounds to take away all the help I am relying on to survive at the moment. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">I fall into that pit of fear too. I also jump out often and dance around metaphorically like a whirlwind of enthusiasm for one day having better well being and maybe ability to do things again. Some would call that naive and wishful thinking, atos would call it fit for work. I believe in miraculous remissions. I also know they don't happen for everyone who does...I have faced a possible death moment many times and each time I was filled with a sense of calm and almost bliss. There are many reasons why I have been more afraid of living than of dying. I often felt in the midst of my worst suffering (so far) a bit annoyed because it meant I was doing something wrong because we are taught in so many ways if we are suffering we have done something wrong, or not done something or there is something to blame, or even something outside of ourselves to blame. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px;">It can take weeks and months to work through some of it, especially where abuse and neglect </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px;"> I've also felt fairly sure I can be better like all the other times once I have let go of something, worked on what I can for the moment and started loving my life despite the less appealing</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px;"> parts of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">It seems a bit like when we fall in love, if it is mutual and feels like a fairy tale for a few weeks or longer at first we may not notice the not so good bits in each other or life. If it is desperate and one sided there is a higher ratio of fear to work through. I learnt a lot of fear around loving and being rejected with seeds planted by siblings but given power by my psyche and once fed and watered with lots of manure my own and anyone else playing in the energy, that forms the feeling of the plot of the stories we play out together. When we are bursting with love we can do anything face anything, nauseate or uplift. When we are drowning in fear we can pull anyone who gets close enough down with us. It's all a balancing act between love and fear.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 15px;">Stand strong in the power of love. It is all that is left when all fear is stripped away.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">I'm tired and finding it hard to find the words now. They flowed so well for a few moments there. I have added a bit, I felt there was so much more to add but then there always is...smiles</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Thursday 3rd October 2013 at 00.27</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">I ended up writing a blog as I responded to a post on a forum. I continued feeling the need to express what I am currently learning....and there is loads more. I wanted to respond to the one about dreams too...as my dreams are helping me unravel some of the symbolism as I see it in the story of my life and try to figure out a meaning of life....<b>the</b> meaning is different for all of us....don't you think?</span></span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-19158399926780731332013-08-22T19:38:00.000-07:002013-08-22T20:12:02.011-07:00Who Are Us & Them?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've been listening, reading, thinking of previous understandings in current knowledge and there is talk of us and them, diversity, division, beingness, unity, we are all connected. There are a lot of flip sides in reality that we rarely get to see because we were not looking for it or expecting it to be possible. The truth of opposing views both being correct in part at least. The complexity we have made of simple things with suppressing our very being.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wrote that a long time ago. There has been a lot more time to think, feel pain, and be honed by the need to survive to come back to peace. I read an article that ended with me feeling a need to shine my light<br /><br /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">After watching Lakota Woman : Siege at Wounded Knee, with the words of John Trudell, David Hamilton, Carl Jung, Abraham Hicks, Spike Milligan, Dr Brian Cox, Monty Python, Bill Hicks, Bashar, and many many more having had an effect on the di</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 18px;">rection of the ideas of how things may really work in our reality...was forgetting Shakespeare, Eintstein, words attributed to Yeshua ben Joseph, and all the influences of art, myth, legend, history from as many different perspectives as possible and whatever influenced me to believe and break down into be lie f* that...I read this.<br /><br />I have been severely ill most of the time for the last 3 weeks after not being that great and as bad but with help another 3 weeks before with a while of finding it tough but managing quite well with lots of love and good support, till I came to a bit of a full stop for July. The last few years there has hardly been a gap between one hugely stressful life event and another, so physical illness on top has been worse and another stressful life event all in one foul 'fit for work' sweep.<br /><br />I was considering the world as it was experienced in Wounded Knee.<br /><br />I had a huge unexpected emotional reaction as they walked into Wounded Knee to take possession, in fact it is coming up again now and I will allow the tears to flow. I have walked though those gates</span><span style="line-height: 18px;">, in the year 2000, I won funds to travel and go self employed a while</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">. I was 10 years old when the event took place. I know some stuff about it and some myth too we can only ever know part myth and part history about current reality as we perceive it. Some of our memories are altered as time goes on and radically new knowledge comes out about what was really going on unknown to us. The memory may be the same but the relevance will have changed and it can spin us into a downward spiral or upward depending on the closer truth we integrate into our understanding of our world and where we fit into it...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><br />The division going on here with ill and disabled people being put through such hardship the death rate has increased dramatically and they now have decided to no longer hold figures about it. Propaganda has still kept many believing it is only the genuinely fit to work that are being targeted to lose benefits and have to go through a process that comes to a judge and doctor deciding if you can have nearly enough to live on back. Disability hate crime has soared. Enough of the problems for the moment.<br /><br />I have been close to having to be hospitalised and having a day or two on oxygen and the typical arguments of not taking prednisoline as it harms me terribly. Knowing also that although it is very physical and there is allergy, damp, dust, mould and stress involved as well as hunger to not being capable of sufficient self care, the main thing is my ability to release tension and work out the energy of what is going on. It can be quite hard work! Sorry laughing, why am I sorry? In this reality comedy and near death experience without quite getting to the tunnel is probably a bit taboo. I still can't accept many of the rules for being ill and dare I say it with thoughts of suicide that get quite tempting and scare loved ones. Yet often after a time when it has been so bad I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel any more and am just about ready to give up...boom...I work my way sometimes painfully slowly through it and I become the light at the end of my tunnel and I can breathe...even if it gets tough again later...I think that is why I am not afraid of dying, cos I don't think I am finished yet and if I was I can shine my light all the time...till then I have work to do...<br /><br />added a bit later after an little edit...</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: #e9ecf1; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">that was a bit of a long winded this inspired me to wage light, just at the right moment as I had been working through some stuff...I love that last line...smiles and thank you </span><span class="emoticon emoticon_heart" style="background-color: #e9ecf1; background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yT/r/3iifGvVHQnh.png); background-position: -17px -615px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; color: #333333; display: inline-block; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; height: 16px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title="<3"></span><span style="background-color: #e9ecf1; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"> x</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: #e9ecf1; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><br /></span></span>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10151896387028140&id=96402508139&notif_t=notify_me">https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10151896387028140&id=96402508139&notif_t=notify_me</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: #e9ecf1; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: #e9ecf1; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">Where I am it was 03.38 Friday 23rd August 2013 when I posted this...</span></span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-65227276312202747852013-07-06T23:01:00.000-07:002013-09-12T05:28:02.283-07:00Dismal Facts of Claiming <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Sunday
7<sup>th</sup> July 2013 04.44</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
probably ought to be in hospital, a place I fear due to past
experience. I also fear applying for a 'change of circumstances' with
DLA. When I applied for it I was not well enough to self care or walk
around my house every day. I had been too ill to reapply at the
beginning of 2008. I was eligible if fairly assessed, nothing much
had changed since my last renewal, if anything I was struggling even
more and had far less help. I was also too ill to inform WTC straight
away, as I was still desperately trying to earn a living as self
employed. I had started getting panic attacks alongside the physical
illness, especially when dealing with the system to try and access
help. It isn't a kind system when you are at your most vulnerable and
it has got even worse. I sent my renewal pack back with a letter
saying how I am not well enough to do this. It was very upsetting.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">About
November 2008 I realised I was not going to be able to get out
selling my art & crafts again, at least for a while. I signed off
WTC and signed on to ESA. I had an assessment, the doctor was nice,
he treated me with dignity, respect and as if I were not a piece of
dirt. I doubt he still works for Atos. He recognised I was doing my
best and struggling simply to self care well enough to keep myself
alive. I had to go to back to work interviews that I often cried
through and the advisor was concerned for my well being. She advised
me to apply for DLA again. I faced my fears and filled in the forms.
Again I got told no. I appealed and while waiting for the tribunal
wrote about a massive panic attack I had while out and how wrong the
decision was. I had a reconsideration granted without tribunal for
low mobility. I would probably have had high mobility reinstated if
it had got to tribunal. I was too battered by the system to challenge
it.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">2010
I had a WCA. I was shocked and had a breakdown when I was declared
fit for work with huge discrepancies in the data, things totally
untrue and assumptions that because I was not rocking I didn't suffer
from anxiety. CAB helped me and I won the tribunal in 2011. It had
very much taken it's toll on me. I suffered more than when I was
raped with the incessant thoughts about being wrongly declared fit
for work and when I physically suffered and struggled more the
thoughts made it feel even worse. I got a downstairs single bed as
sleeping on the sofa was not doing me much good. </span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">When
the forms came through again 7 months later I asked for CAB to visit
again and fill the forms in for me. I had transco out about gas fumes
on 3<sup>rd</sup> November 2011, they shut my heating off. 4<sup>th</sup>
November CAB lady came. I had to leave my front door unlocked as I
was not well enough to answer the door. Early hours of 5<sup>th</sup>
November I had to have an ambulance. I was let out unable to self
care 11.11.11 on warfarin, as they suspected a blood clot after I
told them of the one I had in 1982. While I was in hospital I
remember thinking and saying that if I was assessed in hospital they
would ignore that fact and declare me fit for work. The weekly or
twice weekly anticoagulant clinic was very stressful. I had to have
hospital transport and a wheelchair in the hospital. Many times I
felt so awful I would hide my face in my hands and cry. </span></span>
<br />
<ol start="5">
<ol start="32">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">05.34
Peak flow 140 using nebs. Writing this is affecting me but not
writing it is also affecting me.</span></span><br />
</ol>
</ol>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">January
2012 I had to have the ambulance out and treat me while I sat on the
toilet without the breath to wipe, flush and pull my pants up after
going to the toilet. My son was there to help with the ambulance as
November the ambulance crew had been very unpleasant to me, telling
me I was just having a panic attack and would just be sent home. I
had waited 6 hours for him to come back from an away game he had played at and had been desperate
for the toilet in all that time. This crew were lovely and treated me
with utmost respect and dignity in a very undignified situation. I
was in about 5 days I think. I was able to stop the warfarin March
2012 after my lung specialist appointment and he said there was no evidence on the scan of a
blood clot on my lungs back in November. Just in time for another
ordeal not the system for a change, I was a witness in court about
abuse. Having been raped and been subject to other abuses I see the
system abuse as worse than rape.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
had found someone to go with me to my WCA appointment which was
cancelled the day before. Then a new date 25<sup>th</sup> May the day
after my birthday, I couldn't find someone to go in with me. I was rung about changing times on my birthday.
The whole thing was incredibly stressful and harmed my well being
considerably. It has also made it so I often don't answer my phone
again. 27<sup>th</sup> June 12 I was in hospital again after another
ambulance trip. 28<sup>th</sup> June 12 the decision maker rang me
apparently but getting no answer declared me fit for work and my ESA
was stopped that day. 1<sup>st</sup> July 12 I was sent home. 6<sup>th</sup>
July I got the letter telling me I was fit for work and my benefits
had been stopped.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">CAB
did the appeal for me as I was worried it would push me back over the
edge into another mental breakdown. Mind & CAB support were vital
and I felt so lucky to have some people taking care of me, if not the
system. </span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">This
time sick notes were more difficult and far more stressful to get,
even when I was quite seriously ill with breathing difficulties one
doctor distressed me so much with his attitude that I cried for
hours, had to fight the urge to stab myself in the arm with a Stanley knife and when I finally fell asleep I woke up after 2 hours of sleep
crying again. He gave me a month, which meant another appointment and
more stress I saw him again as I needed to face my fear of him and
tell him how it had made me feel. I went in my pyjamas in a taxi as I
was too ill to get dressed. I was not able to go anywhere that didn't
have a nebuliser at that point. I was very ill much of July, all of
August, September, October and most of November, then became more
moderately ill again, so less days where I may need an ambulance and
possible death featured.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
attended pain clinic via hospital transport March 2013. That showed
me I had already learnt very well to pace myself and assess how much
I can do, which is often very little as it is at the moment.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
won my tribunal and was put in the support group in May 2013. The
tribunal were surprised I was only on low mobility and so was the CAB
lady. The doctor at my tribunal apologised for the distress I was put
through. Shame it won't stop it from happening again under the
current system. The lady from CAB advised me to put in a change of
circumstances I said yes but when the forms arrived I couldn't look
at them or ask for more help I was having a bit better health for a
few weeks, not good health, just not quite so awful and I was afraid
it would make me worse again. As it happens I have had a demand for
overpayments from the WTC from when I was too ill to inform them of a
change of circumstance and from when I stopped claiming they said
they had already paid £300 for that time after I started ESA to the
following April and even though I informed them straight away I have
to pay back money from when I was on WTC. That arrived just before my
birthday this year. I know the system is not fair or set up to
support vulnerable people, it is there to fill us with fear and make
our conditions worse through the stress. So although I am currently
so very ill again I am scared to apply for a change of circumstances
as I am scared to give you another chance to abuse me and treat me
like a criminal and actually worse than an abuser gets treated, just
for being ill.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">06.39
Peak flow 140 too soon to use another neb, unable to lie down, too
breathless. </span></span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">06.58 calming down a bit now while wondering if I should really post this and should I really send it to the DLA</span></span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-44566101532750386822013-06-30T19:04:00.000-07:002013-06-30T19:37:04.471-07:00But before that...being over familiar...maybe, boundaries are not always obvious...<div role="article" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">
<div class="clearfix mbs pbs _1_m" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<h5 class="_1_s" data-ft="{"tn":"C"}" style="color: #333333; font-size: 12px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px; margin: 4px 51px 1px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="fcg" style="color: #89919c;"><span class="fwb" style="font-weight: bold;"><a aria-haspopup="true" aria-owns="js_71" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=546281750" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id="js_72" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Elaine Edwards</a></span> shared <a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=205344452828349" href="https://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">George Takei</a>'s <a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1" rel="theater" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">photo</a>.</span></h5>
<h5 class="_1_s" data-ft="{"tn":"C"}" style="color: #333333; font-size: 12px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px; margin: 4px 51px 1px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="fcg" style="color: #89919c;"><div role="article" style="color: #37404e; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">
<div class="clearfix mbs pbs _1_m" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<div class="_1_n fsm fwn fcg" style="color: #89919c; line-height: 15px;">
<a class="uiLinkSubtle" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151437216176751" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;"><abbr class="timestamp livetimestamp" data-utime="1372636486" style="border-bottom-style: none;" title="Monday, 1 July 2013 at 00:54">2 hours ago</abbr></a><br />
<div class="uiSelector inlineBlock audienceSelector timelineAudienceSelector audienceSelectorNoTruncate dynamicIconSelector uiSelectorNormal uiSelectorDynamicTooltip" style="display: inline-block; margin-left: 1px; margin-top: -3px; max-width: 200px; vertical-align: top; zoom: 1;">
<div class="uiToggle wrap" style="position: relative;">
<a ajaxify="/ajax/privacy/privacy_menu.php?iconsize=small&oid=10151437216176751" aria-expanded="false" aria-haspopup="1" aria-label="Public" class="uiSelectorButton uiButton uiButtonSuppressed uiButtonNoText" data-hover="tooltip" data-label="" data-length="30" data-oid="10151437216176751" data-tooltip-alignh="center" data-tooltip="Public" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" rel="toggle" role="button" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-position: 100% -202px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; border: 1px solid transparent; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; line-height: 13px; max-width: 169px; padding: 2px 20px 2px 8px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;"><i class="mrs defaultIcon customimg img sp_ayncvg sx_77b6f1" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/y-/r/M93T_hKaupq.png); background-position: -190px -25px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 12px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: 1px; margin-top: 2px; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: top; width: 12px;"></i></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="aboveUnitContent" style="margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
</div>
<div class="_wk shareUnit attachmentUnit" style="border-left-color: rgb(211, 215, 220); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 2px; color: #898f9c; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 12px 2px; padding: 5px 0px 5px 8px;">
<div class="userContentWrapper">
Nobody seems to give a hoot that I'm a little different.</div>
</div>
<div class="photoUnit clearfix belowUnitContent" style="margin: 0px -12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_53s uiScaledThumb photo photoWidth1" data-ft="{"tn":"E"}" data-gt="{"fbid":"693859997310123"}" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a ajaxify="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash3%2F21355_693859997310123_841155953_n.jpg&size=600%2C433&theater&source=9" class="_6i9" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1" rel="theater" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;"></a><br />
<div class="uiScaledImageContainer photoWrap" style="height: 378px; margin-left: 3px; overflow: hidden; position: relative; width: 504px;">
<a ajaxify="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash3%2F21355_693859997310123_841155953_n.jpg&size=600%2C433&theater&source=9" class="_6i9" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1" rel="theater" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="Photo: Nobody seems to give a hoot that I'm a little different." class="img" height="378" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/p480x480/21355_693859997310123_841155953_n.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: 378px; left: -9px; min-height: 100%; position: relative;" width="524" /></a></div>
<a ajaxify="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash3%2F21355_693859997310123_841155953_n.jpg&size=600%2C433&theater&source=9" class="_6i9" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=693859997310123&set=a.223098324386295.105971.205344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1" rel="theater" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">
</a></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="fbTimelineUFI uiCommentContainer" style="color: #4e5665; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px; margin-bottom: -12px; margin-left: -12px; padding-top: 3px; position: relative; width: 510px;">
<form action="https://www.facebook.com/ajax/ufi/modify.php" class="live_10151437216176751_316526391751760 commentable_item autoexpand_mode" data-live="{"seq":"10151437216176751_26105131"}" id="u_jsonp_16_1z" method="post" rel="async" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="fbTimelineFeedbackHeader">
<div class="fbTimelineFeedbackActions clearfix" style="background-color: #fafbfb; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-top-color: rgb(233, 234, 237); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; padding: 8px 12px 9px; zoom: 1;">
<span class="UFIBlingBoxTimeline" style="float: right;"><span id=".reactRoot[2124490]"></span></span><br /></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="uiUfi UFIContainer" id="u_jsonp_16_1u" style="background-color: #fafbfb; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; width: 510px;">
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" id=".reactRoot[3772987]" style="list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="UFIRow UFILikeSentence UFIFirstComponent" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0]" style="border-top-color: rgb(235, 235, 235); border-top-style: solid; border-width: 1px 0px 0px; margin: 0px 12px; padding: 10px 0px 9px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="lfloat" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:0]" style="float: left;">
<a class="img _8o _8r UFILikeThumb UFIImageBlockImage" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:0].[1:0]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin: 0px; text-decoration: none;" tabindex="-1" title="Like this"></a></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:1]">
<div class="UFIImageBlockContent _42ef _8u" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px;">
<div class="UFILikeSentenceText" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[1:1]">
<span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[1:1].[1:0]"><a class="profileLink" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=1476365316&extragetparams=%7B%22hc_location%22%3A%22ufi%22%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/tim.kellogg.102" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[1:1].[1:0].[3:0:0]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Tim Kellogg</a><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[0:0].[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1]"> likes this.</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment UFIFirstComment UFILastComment UFIFirstCommentComponent UFILastCommentComponent" data-ft="{"tn":"R"}" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}" style="border-top-color: rgb(235, 235, 235); border-top-style: solid; border-width: 1px 0px 0px; margin: 0px 12px; padding: 9px 0px 10px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="lfloat" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:0]" style="float: left;">
<a aria-hidden="true" class="img _8o _8s UFIImageBlockImage" data-ft="{"tn":"T"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750&extragetparams=%7B%22hc_location%22%3A%22ufi%22%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:0].[1:0]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none;" tabindex="-1"><img alt="" class="img UFIActorImage _54ru" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:0].[1:0].[1:0]" src="https://fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net/hprofile-ak-frc3/s32x32/370186_546281750_167256497_q.jpg" style="border: 0px; display: block; height: 32px; width: 32px;" /></a></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1]">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:0]" style="float: right;">
<a aria-label="Edit or Delete" class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:0].[1:2]" role="button" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yh/r/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 0; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;"></a></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0]">
<a class="UFICommentActorName" data-ft="{"tn":";"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750&extragetparams=%7B%22hc_location%22%3A%22ufi%22%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:0]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;">Elaine Edwards</a><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2]"><span class="UFICommentBody" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0]"><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0]"><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:0]">This made me smile...I wrote on it and hoped to give George a smile...</span><br id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:1]" /><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:2]">I love your difference </span><br id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:3]" /><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:4]">Like · Reply · 52 minutes ago</span><br id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:5]" /><br id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:6]" /><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:7]">Elaine Edwards on good days you make me laugh on not so good days you help me smile...I appreciate that with all my heart in </span></span><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3]"><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1]"><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1].[3:0:0]">this moment on a difficult day</span><br id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1].[3:0:1]" /><br id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1].[3:0:2]" /><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1].[3:0:3]">Aaaaaand then I may have spoilt it but ahhh well after reading his interview and remembering watching telly as a kid...I always felt different as a kid. I often struggled to fit in, ialso experiencing fitting in with ease with the right people at the right time...and with myself when like today my body seems in strife...</span></span></span></span></span><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:3]"></span></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg UFICommentActions" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1]" style="clear: both; color: #89919c; padding-top: 2px;">
<span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151437216176751?comment_id=26105131&offset=0&total_comments=1" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:0].[3:0]" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;"><abbr class="livetimestamp" data-utime="1372640001" id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:0].[3:0].[3:0]" style="border-bottom-style: none;" title="Monday, 1 July 2013 at 01:53">about an hour ago</abbr></a></span><span id=".reactRoot[3772987].[1]{comment10151437216176751_26105131}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[1]"> ·</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
</span></h5>
<h5 class="_1_s" data-ft="{"tn":"C"}" style="color: #333333; font-size: 12px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px; margin: 4px 51px 1px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="fcg" style="color: #89919c;"><span class="fwb" style="font-weight: bold;"><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=546281750" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Elaine Edwards</a></span> shared a <a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2F2013%2F06%2F29%2Fgeorge-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html%3Futm_hp_ref%3Dgay-voices&h=EAQEBkk2rAQH3AEpVqezF_slc7aLuT1BzpybwMnwNcA71Ug&enc=AZOUB2ckZg3dFQBnApcbD4J4BXm0HGsBKHKT3ncmkhTLtldexWnW-XrzFBcG1ZzuJg5BPp-N_LLHH3KCVW2uGGiF&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">link</a> via <a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=205344452828349" href="https://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">George Takei</a>.</span></h5>
<div class="_1_n fsm fwn fcg" style="color: #89919c; line-height: 15px;">
<a class="uiLinkSubtle" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151437251496751" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">about an hour ago</a><br />
<div class="uiSelector inlineBlock audienceSelector timelineAudienceSelector audienceSelectorNoTruncate dynamicIconSelector uiSelectorNormal uiSelectorDynamicTooltip" style="display: inline-block; margin-left: 1px; margin-top: -3px; max-width: 200px; vertical-align: top; zoom: 1;">
<div class="uiToggle wrap" style="position: relative;">
<a ajaxify="/ajax/privacy/privacy_menu.php?iconsize=small&oid=10151437251496751" aria-expanded="false" aria-haspopup="1" aria-label="Public" class="uiSelectorButton uiButton uiButtonSuppressed uiButtonNoText" data-hover="tooltip" data-label="" data-length="30" data-oid="10151437251496751" data-tooltip-alignh="center" data-tooltip="Public" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" rel="toggle" role="button" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-position: 100% -202px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; border: 1px solid transparent; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; line-height: 13px; max-width: 169px; padding: 2px 20px 2px 8px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;"><i class="mrs defaultIcon customimg img sp_ayncvg sx_77b6f1" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/y-/r/M93T_hKaupq.png); background-position: -190px -25px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 12px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: 1px; margin-top: 2px; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: top; width: 12px;"></i></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="userContentWrapper aboveUnitContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px;">
<div class="_wk mbm" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_51d0e0020e6ae5b45421536" style="display: inline;">
<span class="userContent">Smiling as I read that. And feeling affection and probably being an annoying punctuation deviant, partly due to not being well at the moment...a rambler in normal circumstances exacerbated by feeling close to possible death, without worryin<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">g it may happen this time because when it finally does it'll be a good day to die...oops I didn't mean to tangent...I grew up with you on my telly we loved Star Trek night and the tradition of the new ones are gonna die...but the accepting differences was a subtlety I didn't get as a child and it may have helped me form into a person who accepts others for who they are not any labels that may apply to them, even then the labels I do like are funny, authentic, loving, generous, talented, unexpected, delightful. I like people who have those labels used about them often but difficult, annoying, stubborn, able to drive you up the wall etc tend to only be the ones closest to us who love us for that side of us as well and us them and I don't know why I am saying this but I feel good saying it. I may not be saying what I think I am though depending on how well I have managed to articulate my thoughts....now I could go off on more tangents so I will leave it there...I may be learning or it could be too late already ;)<br />This is usually the point I say sorry for being me and I think that is a habit I may be ready to give up :)</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
</span></div>
</div>
<div class="shareUnit">
<a class="_1xw shareLink" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.14902) 0px 1px 3px -1px; background-color: #f6f7f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin-bottom: 12px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"></a><br />
<div class="_1xx _1xz" style="background-color: white; border-color: rgb(222, 226, 233) rgb(219, 222, 229) rgb(210, 213, 220) rgb(222, 226, 233); border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; height: 90px; padding: 12px; vertical-align: top; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_1x-" style="max-height: 98px; overflow: hidden;">
<div class="_1x_ fwb" dir="ltr" style="font-weight: bold;">
<a class="_1xw shareLink" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.14902) 0px 1px 3px -1px; background-color: #f6f7f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin-bottom: 12px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html</a></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg" style="color: #89919c;">
<a class="_1xw shareLink" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.14902) 0px 1px 3px -1px; background-color: #f6f7f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin-bottom: 12px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">www.huffingtonpost.com</a></div>
<div class="_1y1 fsm fwn fcg" dir="ltr" style="color: #89919c; margin-top: 14px;">
<a class="_1xw shareLink" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.14902) 0px 1px 3px -1px; background-color: #f6f7f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin-bottom: 12px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices</a></div>
</div>
</div>
<a class="_1xw shareLink" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/george-takei-star-trek-gay_n_3512332.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices" rel="nofollow" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.14902) 0px 1px 3px -1px; background-color: #f6f7f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin-bottom: 12px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">
</a></div>
</div>
<div class="fbTimelineUFI uiCommentContainer" style="background-color: white; color: #4e5665; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px; margin-bottom: -12px; margin-left: -12px; padding-top: 3px; position: relative; width: 510px;">
<form action="https://www.facebook.com/ajax/ufi/modify.php" class="live_10151437251496751_316526391751760 commentable_item autoexpand_mode" data-live="{"seq":"10151437251496751_26105077"}" id="u_jsonp_16_1y" method="post" rel="async" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="fbTimelineFeedbackHeader">
<div class="fbTimelineFeedbackActions clearfix" style="background-color: #fafbfb; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-top-color: rgb(233, 234, 237); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; padding: 8px 12px 9px; zoom: 1;">
<span class="UFIBlingBoxTimeline" style="float: right;"><span id=".reactRoot[9966109]"></span></span><span class="UIActionLinks UIActionLinks_bottom" data-ft="{"tn":"=","type":20}" style="color: #999999;"><a aria-live="polite" class="UFILikeLink" data-ft="{"tn":">"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" id=".reactRoot[8987112]" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" title="Like this">Like</a> · <label class="uiLinkButton comment_link" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: middle;" title="Leave a comment"><input data-ft="{"type":24,"tn":"S"}" style="background-image: none; border: none; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: top;" type="button" value="Comment" /></label> · <span class="boostActionLink10151437251496751"><a ajaxify="/fbml/ajax/dialog?app_id=122214254528646&_path=pay&method=pay&display=async&receiver=546281750&action=boosts&dev_purchase_params=%7B%22oscif%22%3Atrue%7D&order_info=%7B%22story_id%22%3A10151437251496751%2C%22publish_time%22%3A1372637935%2C%22share_id%22%3Anull%2C%22boost_type%22%3A1%7D&product=546281750%3A546281750%3A10151437251496751" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" rel="dialog" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" title="Tell friends this post is important">Promote</a></span> · <a class="share_action_link" data-ft="{"tn":"J","type":25}" href="https://www.facebook.com/ajax/sharer/?s=99&appid=2309869772&p%5B0%5D=546281750&p%5B1%5D=10151437251496751&profile_id=546281750&share_source_type=unknown" rel="dialog" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" title="Send this to friends or post it on your timeline.">Share</a></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="uiUfi UFIContainer" id="u_jsonp_16_1w" style="background-color: #fafbfb; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; width: 510px;">
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" id=".reactRoot[3707438]" style="list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="UFIRow UFIComment UFIFirstComment UFILastComment UFIFirstCommentComponent UFILastCommentComponent UFIFirstComponent" data-ft="{"tn":"R"}" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}" style="border-top-color: rgb(235, 235, 235); border-top-style: solid; border-width: 1px 0px 0px; margin: 0px 12px; padding: 9px 0px 10px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0]" style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="lfloat" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:0]" style="float: left;">
<a aria-hidden="true" class="img _8o _8s UFIImageBlockImage" data-ft="{"tn":"T"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750&extragetparams=%7B%22hc_location%22%3A%22ufi%22%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:0].[1:0]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none;" tabindex="-1"><img alt="" class="img UFIActorImage _54ru" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:0].[1:0].[1:0]" src="https://fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net/hprofile-ak-frc3/s32x32/370186_546281750_167256497_q.jpg" style="border: 0px; display: block; height: 32px; width: 32px;" /></a></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1]">
<div class="clearfix UFIImageBlockContent _42ef" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1]" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px 0px 0px 8px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:0]" style="float: right;">
<a aria-label="Edit or Delete" class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:0].[1:2]" role="button" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yh/r/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 1; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;"></a></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1]">
<div class="UFICommentContent" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0]">
<a class="UFICommentActorName" data-ft="{"tn":";"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750&extragetparams=%7B%22hc_location%22%3A%22ufi%22%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:0]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;">Elaine Edwards</a><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1]"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2]"><span class="UFICommentBody" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0]"><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0]"><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[2:0].[3:0:0]">I may come over as a rambling crazy woman sometimes...I've learnt to love that about myself....I am willing to make myself look foolish to touch another persons soul....and hope they don't have me for inappropriate soul touching...I gave that up a few </span></span><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3]"><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1]"><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:3].[2:1].[3:0:0]">years ago but I don't mind the celebrity dream lovers visiting my astral planes or some such euphemism...mmm I do get interesting dreams...besides don't think the soul can touch inappropriately only the personality can do that because where the soul is not influenced by our stories, all is connected. Even the bad guys have no personality at that level and may not appear to have one but there is such a lot of fear of their own darkness in the way of them connecting to it...I reckon anyway and who knows who has got it right or close but I think most of us who are not sucked in by the darkness of harsh experience of deeper layers of fear....those of us who learn to love much more than fear...</span></span></span></span></span><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:3]"></span></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg UFICommentActions" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1]" style="clear: both; color: #89919c; padding-top: 2px;">
<span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151437251496751?comment_id=26105077&offset=0&total_comments=1" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:0].[3:0]" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">about an hour ago</a></span><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[1]"> · </span><a class="UFILikeLink" data-ft="{"tn":">"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:2]" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" title="Like this comment">Like</a><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[3]"> · </span><a ajaxify="/ajax/browser/dialog/likes?id=10151437293196751" aria-label="John G. Arnott likes this." class="UFICommentLikeButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="https://www.facebook.com/browse/likes?id=10151437293196751" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:4]" rel="dialog" role="button" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; margin: -5px; padding: 0px 5px 4px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><i class="UFICommentLikeIcon" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:4].[3:0]" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/ys/r/ocGlfmBsIwW.png); background-position: 0px -49px; background-size: auto; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; height: 9px; margin: -5px 3px -5px -5px; padding: 0px 5px 4px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap; width: 10px;"></i><span id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1].[2:0:4].[3:1]" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; margin: -5px; padding: 0px 5px 4px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;">1</span></a></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg UFICommentActions" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1]" style="clear: both; color: #89919c; padding-top: 2px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg UFICommentActions" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1]" style="clear: both; color: #89919c; padding-top: 2px;">
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span id=".reactRoot[7898091].[0]{comment10151437380971751_26105973}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:0:0]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">On sharing this...some conventions are made to change but resist it all the same...seems about right to me...the next chapter is all about us writing out scripts or whatever happens and working towards harmony and the time we stopped playing with all the negative energy which results in the idea that our differences make us enemies, it merely makes us different, it is hatred that makes us enemies....hatred and fear which is at the root of hatred of difference. How silly is that. All we have to do is start accepting we can all be nice and we can all be arse-holes (said in a very English posh accent to soften or maybe harshen the blow of the arse word, not the wind in the willings) and the more we treat each other with respect the more we tend to behave without having to force ourselves in a nice and loving manner, enjoying life with others around all supported and supportive. </span><br id=".reactRoot[7898091].[0]{comment10151437380971751_26105973}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:0:1]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;" /><br id=".reactRoot[7898091].[0]{comment10151437380971751_26105973}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:0:2]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;" /><span id=".reactRoot[7898091].[0]{comment10151437380971751_26105973}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:0].[1:0:2].[2:0].[3:0:3]" style="background-color: #fafbfb; color: #4e5665; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">We have had societies like that before and they were not boring like Demolition Man, was it? Sly gets to be an old fashioned cop in a weirdly innocent society. Or whatever films have planted seed of doubt that we can live in harmony, while also planting seeds of hope and overcoming all odds no matter how preposterous they seemed to be our psyche accepts norms it learns from fact or fiction, it isn't fussy, it can also learn a few things from advertising or the news and history written from a one sided angle, not everything we learn can be trusted as really really the truth...if you listen very carefully life will tell you what feels true and what has a question mark over it and it all has that at times but it is okay. Life is an adventure and fun can be had the same day life reminds you it can end.</span></div>
<div class="fsm fwn fcg UFICommentActions" id=".reactRoot[3707438].[0]{comment10151437251496751_26105077}.[1:0].[4:0:1].[3:1].[4:0:1].[1:1].[1:1]" style="clear: both; color: #89919c; padding-top: 2px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-87512022358903658002013-06-30T18:40:00.001-07:002013-06-30T18:56:59.566-07:00GBE 2: Blog On WEEK #111 ~: NEW CHAPTERI didn't really always know it but I have been writing my book for years in abstracts in my journals. Sort of. I need to look through all of them but that takes organising and things have been getting in the way of that again of late. Health was almost fabulous. I felt just quite stretched and only teetering towards overwhelm at manageable, just about, intervals. Which was a relief after it was so long a question of will I get better or will today end this, not for one minute feeling it to be my time yet, with things left to do, including learning better punctuation and word usage. Things hinted at in an altered state that caused me to vibrate and go very hot as well as say things about my future after speaking of danger that could have been avoided another accident after the first one hadn't worked to say time to move on from that job...<br />
<br />
Of course I could just be a crazy nut job, which I have had the honour to be called on previous occasion by someone who would think it weird I may celebrate that fact but who cares, I am me and i have been learning to like me even when my own body lets me down and causes me great suffering which is uncomfortable in quite an extreme way. I wouldn't recommend not being able to breath well enough to function effectively as a hobby to anyone. It can also be very frightening if you are afraid you may die, especially if it is an agreed risk of you condition and you have previously seen the 'Oh Fuck I think she is going to die' look on loved ones faces. I find these things interesting, which probably proves without a shadow of a doubt I am totally fit for work. I can joke about that a bit more now, having won my tribunal and being currently supported as an ill person before the next round of assessments when the judges apology is spat on by atos when they declare me fit for work again. Not wanting to write my story that way so working on any fear attached to that as a possibility and considering if I need to learn that harshly again and who knows how we write our own destiny while fate brings us the perfect other actors of life to play the plot we co-create directly and indirectly.<br />
<br />
I am wondering if this is the end of the last chapter of the last book, this life having many books to it, not just one like some of the other lives it feels like I remember in brief and the love we had shared, with whoever my soul rejoices or sometimes fear steps in and sometimes I was right to fear but needed to face the truth and other times fear was clouding a loving connection, sometimes just for a moment. I've been learning to trust myself. Or is this the beginning? A new chapter, is it a new book. I don't know I can't decide and in a way for now it could still hide. It keeps me linked to here and there, the work I do between. I went and did my thing, I grounded, jerked a bit, toned loud and clear sat inside me car wondering if anyone can hear me and kinda hoped they can't. It may come to nothing at all. The fear is less that may be the case. It really is a challenge but so was getting as far as I have come. I may be considered wise or crazy or a treasured bit of both, with stubborn and occasionally obnoxious and stepping on someones toes, not on purpose but just because I haven't managed to reach the perfection of me they think they would like to see.. I've nearly worked ot out for myself...or something like that...smiles<br />
<br />
<br />
A little later.....<br />
<div class="clearfix mbs pbs _1_m" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<div class="_1_n fsm fwn fcg" style="color: #89919c; line-height: 15px;">
<a class="uiLinkSubtle" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151437367341751" style="color: #89919c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">2 seconds ago</a><div class="uiSelector inlineBlock audienceSelector timelineAudienceSelector audienceSelectorNoTruncate dynamicIconSelector uiSelectorNormal uiSelectorDynamicTooltip" style="display: inline-block; margin-left: 1px; margin-top: -3px; max-width: 200px; vertical-align: top; zoom: 1;">
<div class="uiToggle wrap" style="position: relative;">
<a ajaxify="/ajax/privacy/privacy_menu.php?iconsize=small&oid=10151437367341751" aria-expanded="false" aria-haspopup="1" aria-label="Public" class="uiSelectorButton uiButton uiButtonSuppressed uiButtonNoText" data-hover="tooltip" data-label="" data-length="30" data-oid="10151437367341751" data-tooltip-alignh="center" data-tooltip="Public" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3#" rel="toggle" role="button" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-position: 100% -202px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; border: 1px solid transparent; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; line-height: 13px; max-width: 169px; padding: 2px 20px 2px 8px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;"><i class="mrs defaultIcon customimg img sp_ayncvg sx_77b6f1" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/y-/r/M93T_hKaupq.png); background-position: -190px -25px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 12px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: 1px; margin-top: 2px; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: top; width: 12px;"></i></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="_1x1" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 11.199999809265137px; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="userContentWrapper">
<div class="_wk" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_51d0e1b92cd0d2294621836" style="display: inline;">
The Battle of the Dragons<br />I didn't understand your dragons<br />How could they be so different from mine<br />You have a very gentle soul<br />how could dragons seem to torture you sweet soul?<br />My dragons take me on merry flight and guard my house for me<br />Your dragons step upon your toes and sets you right on fire<br />Dragons too have yin and yang a game of energy<br />I feel it truth when I think of life as energy symboli<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">sed with words<br />With acts, and plays and scripts and plots we never seem to see<br />The Dreams are different see<br />even if at the time<br />they feel pretty much the same<br />do you ever think mid dream<br />oh don't worry this isn't a problem I am only dreaming?<br />Lainey 02.55 Monday 1st July 2013</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-79653715519526104082012-12-13T02:15:00.000-08:002012-12-13T02:15:33.995-08:00Open Letter ~ Government People, Are You a Human Being?<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 0.32cm;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[1]"></a></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 0.32cm;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[1]"></a></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 200%;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[1]"></a></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[3]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[4]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[5]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[6]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[7]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[8]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[9]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[10]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[11]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[12]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[13]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[14]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[15]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[16]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[17]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[18]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[19]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[20]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[21]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[22]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[23]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[24]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[25]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[26]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[27]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[11].[1][2][1]{comment10151130025101751_24013364}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[28]"></a></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">So
I am sat here thinking it's 09.27, I have been awake over 2 hours,
eaten and for the moment I was thinking I felt actually not too bad
at all. I considered I could go visit mum after all. There is no
reflexology there today but I could go and mum would be really
pleased because she hasn't seen me for a while, 2 weeks in
fact. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">Then
I was trying to remember when I had my last bath and wondering would
I be able to have a bath AND go to see mum, maybe even a shower. It
is nicer if I can be clean when I leave the house and I could put my
new leisure trousers on. No not a shower, too cold, standing for that
long, while not the problem it would have been a few weeks ago would
be a push and I'm pretty sure the car will start, it's only been a
week and 2 days since it was given a good charge. No a bath or shower
would be pushing it. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">Come
to think of it I could so lie back down and sleep. I am thinking of
going to Mind tomorrow for the last meeting this year. The group and
my Mind lady who picks me up and beings me home is special. I want to
go. I have the rubbish to put out, the orange bag has been in the
hall by the front door for quite a few weeks. Dave did it for me. It
is rubbish night tonight. I can't get anything more into my dirty
rubbish, the orange bag with tins and plastics, well most of them are
loose between the bins and the new paper and card bag is quite full
too. I can still leave them for another few weeks if necessary. The
dirty bin is quite urgent. I've not been well enough to empty it for
weeks and I didn't want that in the hall by my door as well. I think
rubbish is a priority.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">The
level of my energy I am more confident I will be able to do my bins,
or at least the dirty bin, if I take it easy today. If I feel able to
tackle either or both of the other ones I will. I have got good at
judging roughly how much an activity will cost me, although I am
still liable to over-estimate my ability but usually when I have time
to recover. I wasn't planning on being so ill so long over all of
summer. As a normal person things get tougher if I get anxious about
what it is I need to do. Having to basically go to court to ask for
financial assistance to live is one of those things that can
understandably cause anxiety. To have it implied that I may not be
working hard enough or pushing myself hard enough by a doctor or the
ridiculous notion I am actually well enough to work also has an
effect on my anxiety levels.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">I
would love to be well enough to work. I would love to not have to
jump through hoops that quite frankly are set too high for anyone to
jump through who is not well to be treated with respect and dignity.
A week today I face the new doctor again. I need to teach him that
his friends in the DWP are not playing the game very fairly and that
by getting him to view patients suffering severe illness as avoiding
things by finding it hard to do appointments and finding life a bit
difficult to deal with. He said I was being a bit negative when I
said how gutted I was having another relapse after a tantalising
glimpse of remission. Does he not understand that left me only
feeling safe enough to get in that taxi because medical help would
have been on standby should I get like I have been getting just
walking to the toilet and back with emergency use of the nebuliser. I
think I got more upset that last visit than I had actually cottoned
on.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">I
wonder if hearing personal stories has an effect?</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">I
wonder if the further away from the institutionalised decline in
compassionate care of vulnerable people, the easier to ignore the
suffering?</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">I
wonder how the front line of the care givers cope with the new rules
and policies they are being asked to follow? I see some struggle with
it, it doesn't feel right but if they don't comply their job could be
on the line.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">I
feel better having expressed that. I am also very in need of cwtching
down under the duvet and letting go of the painful </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">tensions</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;"> in my
body and ignoring the pain of lying down. Today I can breathe. I am
capable of more than I have been used to being able to even consider
without driving myself mad. I am not capable of doing everything I
want and need to do. I'd prefer to already have done enough housework
to be able to work and play with canvas and paint, to sell my crafts
and enjoy interaction with other people without feeling dreadful or
actually collapsing. I can't. I can however lose myself in a film and
another chance to sleep and dream of being well enough to go off
travelling and spending time with people I love.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">Writing
a public journal that is almost as shambolic as my life, does not
mean I am fit to work, watching a film and staying awake doesn't mean
I am fit for work. I am a human being. I am loved and I love
people.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 150%;">Tell
me you government people, are you a human being too?</span> </span></span>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-76355875306572817702012-11-24T11:34:00.001-08:002012-11-24T14:40:19.289-08:00Open letter to Iain Duncan SmithHello Iain<br />
<br />
I have been trying especially hard to see you as a human being capable of feeling compassion towards other human beings, even if they are not able to benefit you in any way. It is a hard task. You are able to show compassion to your own family by all accounts. You knew the importance of support for your wife when she was seriously ill, so you are capable if it. Yet you tell people who are not independently wealthy the value of working through severe and serious illness, without regard to the amount of suffering and higher likelihood of death before necessary. You implement and oversee policies that ensure vulnerable people are more frightened, stressed and less supported than they need for their recovery or sustained optimal health despite being incapacitated with physical and/or mental health issues.<br />
<br />
I would like to ask you to consider that not just as a humanitarian concept but as a sentient being causing severe harm to other sentient beings. I asked the second man who raped me these things. He couldn't see the problem, he had no problem overriding the autonomy of another human being and causing lasting damage to the psyche of that person. I felt empowered telling him how it had affected me, how I had come close to suicide because of the severe distress it had caused me to continue to feel long after the unpleasant encounter where what I felt was disregarded completely. He didn't feel he had done anything wrong, he had not remembered me crying and saying no. You remind me of that man. You blank out the things you don't want to hear about how your policies are working and you ignore genuine suffering that you are causing. That seems to be the way of coping with being an abuser of others.<br />
<br />
I had to learn to find peace within because holding a grudge against that man for the suffering he had caused me to live with was destroying me and not bothering him at all. I have found this in other areas where I have been at the receiving end of abuse.<br />
<br />
The most difficult abuse to find peace with is the abuse of the system that disregards my suffering and attacks me in a way to virtually ensure I suffer far more than would be necessary if I were given compassionate appropriate support to work through the mental and emotional torment living with abuse issues and severe health issues creates. I do the best I can to work through these issues while often daily wondering if I will survive the day when unable to self care and walking to the toilet could result in my death. I have been treated by an ambulance crew while sitting on the toilet after having a bowel motion and being unable to get the breath to wipe myself, and pull my pants up. At that point nothing else mattered than surviving that moment and not giving my children the story of how mum died with her pants down. That was four months before my WCA and my second hospital admittance since the interview with CAB to fill my ESA50 form.<br />
<br />
I was in hospital when I was declared fit for work the month after and got the letter a few days after I got out of hospital. The day my ESA was stopped and the last payment made, a community care grant was paid into my account. It had been awarded with help from CAB after appeal decided on my current health issues and with the intent it would at least help to keep me out of hospital. I had been eager to recover and make steps to make my home safe and sound with measures towards my optimum health so I may one day use my talents to support myself. I was self employed before I became to ill to go out selling my art and crafts.<br />
<br />
I always had the lower end of health. I often didn't notice when I had an infection as I was used to being below par and pushing myself to the limits. I was a lone parent who worked part time, then a mature student who did a degree in art with a view to living my dreams. I worked hard and had many wonderful options to explore. I did a charity hair cut which led to a new business idea and an allergic reaction that led to medication that led to my whole life and health falling apart around me. I had so much to grieve. The loss of my family, my health and my dreams. Many times the suffering felt so great I didn't know if I would be able to endure it or survive it. I have had the worst year health wise I have ever endured. It is only in the last week that I have been able to sleep on my right side again, with my back to the nebuliser and emergency use of this machine. Now my tribunal papers are in I can try and focus on living until the horror of being in court for failing to be well is a known date.<br />
<br />
I know that my fear is my worst enemy, those who give me reason to fear are merely antagonists in my personal story of life. Real people who play the part of villain in my life and in your case and your friends in government, in many lives. There are many heroes who keep surviving despite your efforts to bully them into worthwhile stock. Or is it just that other person I find hard to see as a human being who has a title of lord but the heart of a rock who sees us as stock? You see I know you see me as worthless while I am ill and even if I recovered enough to fully support myself. You see me as worthless but I know I am worthy of life. That is also the difference between us. I may see you as a man who is cruel and heartless to many but I don't see you as worthless. Beneath the beleifs that you hold that cause you to be cruel there is a man not connected to his very soul, for a man connected to his soul cannot treat other sentient beings in horrific ways.<br />
<br />
To connect to your soul you would have to face the horror of what your actions do to people. I can understand why you would wish to continue to be a villain, it is very painful to be a hero. To be a hero you need compassion, to have compassion you have to feel the pain of others, to feel pain you have inflicted on others and to forgive yourself is a great act of courage. I have compassion for you even though I don't feel you have the tenacity it takes to realise yourself as the hero you could have been in a position of power but to remain the villain wreaking tyranny over the masses.<br />
<br />
I don't suppose you would know how to reply to this and I don't suppose you would even bother, after all I am just a human being suffering due to your being who you are being.<br />
Love and peace<br />
Elaine.<br />
<br />
ps I was contemplating this while sat having an uncomfortable ibs time and reading my book about the art of spiritual peacemaking. I bet you are delighted I think of you while I release the toxic wastes of my body, alongside other people I see as abusers...smiles<br />
<br />Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-54741379538725254962012-10-14T01:59:00.002-07:002012-10-15T08:11:01.253-07:00Spiders Webs of Truth ~ GBE2 74<br />
<ul>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426565}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[3]"></a>Spiders </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">webs of truth </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">turned to cobwebs </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">in our minds </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">filled with dust</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">abandoned</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">when we</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">learned</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">to trust</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">lies</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">designed</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">trapping us</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">among the webs</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">brush away the old</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">spider spins new threads</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">we can break free.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I've done it again a tenuous link right hereee </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">They are using fear to
dis-empower us and making many of us ill through it. They work from
the basis of fear, fearing that we will realise that they are more
vulnerable than they would like us to believe. They rely on using
our fear to make us compliant or feel defenceless, which is
difficult not to feel in the circumstances...I realised a couple of
years ago that there was a psychological war going on against us. I
have got annoyed at times that the subtle torture tactics we play
out on ourselves due to it have worked on me. The heightened stress
levels causing many more symptoms of illness, insomnia and shedloads
of fear of not being able to support myself so I may live.<br /><br />This
is why I am doing my best to face my fears and work through them...I
woke this morning after less sleep than I needed. I had made the
mistake before I slept of reading about the upcoming cuts that
threaten my sense of security even more and having already had the
illusion of security taken away with the assault of WCA etc. In
reality we never really had any security anyway, we never know what
will happen and what other ways we may find support when everything
seems lost. Living is an act of faith that we will keep encountering
a next moment after the one we are living now.</span><br />
</ul>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426565}..[1]..[1]..[1]">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; padding: 0cm;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[0]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[0].."></a>
</div>
</ul>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}.">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<ul>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[3]"></a>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Smiles and that
not all of them will suck!<br /><br />Just smiling widely as I
think of an image I was co-writing of a possible future scene
of my life. I felt it with all its love and joy. I knew it as
possible, then doubt visits and I wonder how I will get to
that point as I woke up. Then faith in the cosmos or whatever
it was that got me this far will also get me to that scene or
a similar one...</span><br />
</ul>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426593}..[1]..[1]..[1]">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; padding: 0cm;">
</div>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}.">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<ul>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426599}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0]"></a>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Love will carry me
through as I let go of my fear to allow it...</span><br />
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}.">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<ul>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[3]"></a>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><br />This conversation
has much power of love and understanding and compassion
running through it. It is wonderful to be a part of it...</span><br />
<br />
</ul>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426609}..[1]..[1]..[0].[3]">
<ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm;">
<strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151419905020372.838429.735550371&type=3"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">A
letter a day to No 10.</span></span></span></span></span></a></strong></div>
</ul>
<div dir="LTR" id="id_507a79703fd725442274230">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm; padding: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sunday 14 October
2012. The lying, cheating, stealing, profiteering nasty
party....<span style="color: #3b5998;">See
more</span></span></span></div>
</ul>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id="id_507a79703ff9c9f86926820">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm; padding: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: small;">A letter a day to
Number 10 Downing Street. The government get all sorts of
free...<span style="color: #3b5998;">See
more</span></span></span></div>
</ul>
</div>
<ul>
<div style="margin-top: 0.13cm;">
<span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">by: </span></span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/keith.lindsaycameron"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Keith
Ordinary Guy</span></span></span></a></div>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}.">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<ul>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[0]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[3]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[4]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[5]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0].[6]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[3]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[3]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[3]..[0]"></a>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">us us us us us and them
them them them them, and after all we're only ordinary
men...<br /><br />I'm tryong to get it up and playing on yourube
but my net keeps dropping out my hub can't connect...ahh I am
typing in the dark correcting is a pain!<br /><br />erm a
message in that for me or you or someone maybe I don't
know....I'm tired but filled with a fuzzy feeling of joy cos
we can be who we are and dissolve the fear in moments as we
speak our truth out loud and proud, even admitting our
vulnerability, our fears and our dreams ...another album I
love to raise the spirits is Spirit The 12 Dreams of Dr
Sardonicus...I may need to get that playing...smiles</span><br />
</ul>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426642}..[1]..[1]..[1]">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; padding: 0cm;">
</div>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}.">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1].">
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<ul>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0]"></a>
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pbso85eeNo" target="_blank"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pbso85eeNo</span></span></span></a><br />
</ul>
<div dir="LTR" id=".reactRoot[439].[1][2][1]{comment419089168138895_4426644}..[1]..[1]..[0].[3]">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-right: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm; padding: 0cm;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name="uwggtl736"></a>
<span style="color: #3b5998;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" target="_blank"><img align="BOTTOM" border="0" height="40" name="graphics8" src="https://fbexternal-a.akamaihd.net/safe_image.php?d=AQBC3lmYWeshSZYU&url=http%3A%2F%2Fi1.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2F0pbso85eeNo%2Fmqdefault.jpg&jq=100" width="78" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm;">
<strong><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pbso85eeNo" target="_blank"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">6.
Us And Them (Dark Side of the Moon)</span></span></span></span></span></a></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">www.youtube.com</span></span></span></a></div>
</ul>
<div dir="LTR" id="id_507a797040f515448792163">
<ul>
<div style="border: none; margin-bottom: 0.26cm; margin-top: 0.26cm; padding: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: small;">Note: I do not own
Pink Floyd or any of its songs.Dark Side of the Moon is one
o...<span style="color: #3b5998;">See
more</span></span></span></div>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<ul>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Songwriters: ROGER
WATERS, RICK WRIGHT<br /><br />Us and Them<br />And after all we're only
ordinary men<br />Me, and you<br />God only knows it's not what we would
choose to do<br />Forward he cried from the rear<br />And the front rank
died<br />And the General sat, as the lines on the map<br />Moved from
side to side<br />Black and Blue<br />And who knows which is which and
who is who<br />Up and Down<br />And in the end it's only round and
round and round<br />Haven't you heard it's a battle of words<br />The
poster bearer cried<br />Listen son, said the man with the gun<br />There's
room for you inside<br />Down and Out<br />It can't be helped but
there's a lot of it about<br />With, without<br />And who'll deny that's
what the fightings all about<br />Get out of the way, it's a busy
day<br />And I've got things on my mind<br />For want of the price of
tea and a slice<br />The old man died</span><br />
</ul>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-52652493923719900592012-10-13T00:30:00.001-07:002012-10-13T03:13:57.451-07:00Telling it Differently Maybe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/G-SlpeSFuv8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">-<span style="color: black;">right
there...in the middle about taking responsibility back for our own
power and not giving it away to those who scare us...</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[1].[1][2][1]{comment103776329781744_11578}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[1].[1][2][1]{comment103776329781744_11578}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[1].[1][2][1]{comment103776329781744_11578}..[1]..[1]..[0].[0][2]..[0]"></a>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">this
is starting to make sense to me...my experience is backing me up in
understanding things somewhat differently...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">"When
you react to something in a fear based way, it dis-empowers you from
doing anything about it."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">I find it hard to put into
words but I feel I have learned more about this in the time of
having severe breathing difficulties which more than fearing death
has kept me fearing continuing to have such an uncomfortable
existence. I have been seeing it change from habit to choice. I
didn't understand how I was choosing to be uncomfortable and still
haven't quite 'got it' yet but I am getting there...smiles</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">Just
actually letting lots of mucus out of my body right now...snot and
coughing up...</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 15px;">14 years ago, </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">when I was attuned to Reiki 2 I had been exposed to
carbon monoxide poisoning for a while but didn't actually
consciously know. I had a huge 'healing crisis' which
can be explained as my body rejecting the toxins quickly. I wasn't
actually sick but heaving as my body expelled the literal and
physical shit. After a sleep I was then taken to a big event that
was very high energy and vibration. I had to go sleep in a corner,
it was about a month after this that I discovered my heating system
was in a dangerous state and had it fixed. It took me a while to
fully feel Well again after that. I wonder if I would have survived
it as well without the clearing I had while away following my
excitement in London with my Daisy book exhibited in the New
Designers Show and learning more about healing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;">If I hadn't
apparently stumbled and fallen into illness, I would have missed the
opportunity to grow and learn more about the nature of what I wish
to heal. I had some stuff I needed to heal within and maybe
sometimes we attempt to do that by healing things around us. I was
in a great phase of my life, exploring my art in an atmosphere of
being encouraged and celebrated for doing what I love. I could often
tap into my boundless energy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Yesterday I had a seemingly pleasant encounter with someone and when I came away from it I almost threw up. The energy of the feelings masked by the apparently light-hearted conversation was one of resentment. I am now willing to admit a little from me as well, as my life is impacted by some things the person has influence on and I felt the person was a little jealous that I get to laze around at home 'being ill and not even as ill as I have been.' I don't always know where these energetic discords are making my body react all the time but by noticing and seeing how I can stop the </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">retching</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> when it happens is empowering and gives me more of a chance to make it a new habit by choosing to notice to let it go, without holding further resentment. I thought about pure positive energy reinforcing my boundaries to not accept negative projections and to seep out the unconditional love and above energy my space contains. I use my imagination to do this and if it works for me, then that is good enough for me. It doesn't matter if it is actually 'real' if I get a better sense of well being through it!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I have often listened to Bashar </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">meditations</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> and channelling workshop while being incapacitated, lying down unable to do much else and yes sometimes bored. Tom Keynon meditations too. It was the only way I could stop the constant fight or flight responses my muscles were going into, constant alert preventing me from relaxing. I would have ended up on oxygen in hospital otherwise, it was exhausting but it caused me to do something different and positive towards my personal growth. It works for me. Just because it works for me doesn't mean it will or won't work for others, we all have our own ways to learn how to experience life the way we are prepared to go, we all have our own excitement to follow.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">When I got seriously ill I was doing that hair thing and feeling like I was really going somewhere but up against so much negativity. The waves went from positive to negative quite </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">wildly</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> is seemed. I loved fundraising, I was good at it, I got a lot of positive reaction and many people shared their hopes and fears with me it felt like a </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">privilege. I was being inspired and inspiring a lot of my time. While blindly stumbling along making huge mistakes I had no idea I was making.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwkKb5cL6K6LlFKK5bDYkCPIoQO-S0Ns8yNxo7e5vrPZMzFsIKT2Ujn2bNeLHFH-xzSggqYn5gMJF8LJExSSYumkabjAjonv7ih9j_k853rpGOizB2Xij5hMPmHKGb4K_cJGMbpS75SfE/s1600/hair+thing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwkKb5cL6K6LlFKK5bDYkCPIoQO-S0Ns8yNxo7e5vrPZMzFsIKT2Ujn2bNeLHFH-xzSggqYn5gMJF8LJExSSYumkabjAjonv7ih9j_k853rpGOizB2Xij5hMPmHKGb4K_cJGMbpS75SfE/s320/hair+thing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Also I never forgot why I was doing it. I was a healer. I recognised that it wasn't me doing the healing but channelling the energy for the person to do with as much as they could as such. I have since learned through experience more about how and why we each heal at our own pace to our own level in our own ways and I try to explain that sometimes but now is not one of those times! I did this because I was giving healing to Nia George, a young, beautiful, </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">talented</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> woman who I desperately wanted to help heal. She was terminal but I so wanted her to be a miracle, not just to show the world how powerful healing energies can be but to keep her here. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/PMuIy8f4i4Y?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Some time after she died I met two girls in the Waterfront. I asked them who was into angels and which one into fairies, I was often really tuned in at that time and could pick up passions and fears of others around me without warning or necessarily always accurate. I was just willing to say and often got rewarded by reactions of, 'Oh my god how did you know that?' The conversation turned to what I had done and probably about how ill I kept getting at that time. I was a bit famous for a while locally and they knew what I had done. They had met Nia at a gig and said how she was the kind of person you just fell in love with...she was. She had a big influence on my life and I wish I could direct you to where you could get her cd Messages, although the link may or may not take you into my Jylt youtube list or the guy who created it...now listening to Surrender with Sarah singing lead. Nia had a huge positive effect on all who loved her and who found their own ways to grieve her leaving us too early. Lifelike Dream ~ the song and how I have been known to describe my life.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Life got so hard there were times I wanted to join her. It was a time like that on 13th February 2006 I had an experience shared with a friend who was holding me and reported afterwards how hot I went and how I actually vibrated, had I had this experience alone I would have thought it just my imagination. I had seen both Nia and Adam who I met through the fundraising and who died 5 days after Nia in a drifting to sleep dream, they had been trying to lift me up and made me laugh the night before. I had not got any sleep after that and spent all night writing about my perception of good and evil, light and dark. The next day I was unable to eat for various reasons, so an accident fasting. When I lay down I thought I would fall straight to sleep. I was wrong.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">I immediately had the sensation of standing in a darkened room and all the people I love who had died came to hug me. I wasn't aware of the date as I had been distracted by distracting myself from the misery I felt in life at the time. I had started silently crying, my friend asked me 'What's the matter darling?'</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">'It's okay, they are showing me people.' Next 'they showed me' the child I had miscarried 17 years ago more or less to the moment I woke up bleeding. I didn't have to name who she was in my thoughts. I simply started crying and in my head was saying, 'Thank you for showing me her, she is beautiful, she is beautiful.'</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Before I could form any opinions I felt like I was expanded and huge, yet a collection of particles out there in the atmosphere and also this solid form lying curled up being cuddled by a lovely friend. I heard the words or rather felt them, 'This is what home feels like. The human body can not sustain this vibration.'</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">I felt like pure positive unconditional love in that moment, nothing else mattered. I didn't mind when I heard my voice say out loud, 'Elaine has no control over her voice at the moment.....' I knew I could stop it if I wanted to but I didn't and was interested in what would be said. I gave some words of wisdom that were not taken, bless him, we always need our own time to stop doing things we don't enjoy and to follow our joy without all the barriers we put in our own way due to what we have held onto fears of past and possible future discomfort and not getting our own way. Ahem biggy one right there, sorry I think it may be one of those truths that really gets on our tits till we learn not to let anything unsettle us from our core of being love! At the end my voice told me that I would do this in public, I will do this on stage. I've always wondered if that will happen and I am open to it but if it doesn't happen then it was a direction I needed to follow to get somewhere else. I've long held true what I consider to be some great philosophies to live by but for a long time didn't see how much fear was holding me back from totally doing so. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">I thought I would need to go out and get a teacher, take classes and the like. I had done a few angel workshops and explored a few more healing techniques. I got on with doing the best I could do with the life I had and mucking it up quite well in various places. I don't quite know how long ago I found a Bashar video on youtube in my searching for the answers, the right questions help. I also found Abraham as channelled by Ester Hicks. I think it was probably around 2008 when my life started to get somewhat more strange. Around two years ago I realised the first time I heard the channelling workshops by Bashar that yes I have channelled many times and in many forms. I can remember getting into the flow of painting where I would watch my hand fascinated at the process, doing it technically with the perspective and the like but very similar to the way it is shown on heroes, minus the white eye thing. The one that was most pronounced was the painting I did when I was trying to recreate a Native American kind of alter. I was doing my GNVQ and had no idea how researching for this project would turn into a life changing passion that is still with me, for indigenous wisdom and the spirit that runs through it. I tried to find a photo of it but it is eluding me right now, so back for the point.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">We all channel and maybe we channel each others internal script at times making us behave how we wouldn't expect ourselves to, to prove a point of how others treat us. I will be thinking more about that one but have you ever behaved differently with someone that fits in with their idea of how others behave towards us...or something like that. My laptop froze on the 4th word of this section of writing and I went to the loo and to make a flask & coffee while it recovered. I suddenly felt able to mop the wee spots up Joey had done this week when I'd not let him out and which has been out of my ability for a long time so I had to learn to make peace with wee spots around the house. I also cleaned my loo, which was grim but I had had to let slide. I was a bit hunched over and a little out of breath but I carried on and made the coffee and a pilchards sandwich with cress. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">This is the most active I have been able to be in months. I haven't had to use the nebuliser. I have even brought my breathing back to settled without using the ventolin. I prefer to be able to do what I want, when I want to. I have been limiting myself for a long time but I think I limited myself to slow down long enough to learn how to do things differently. It wasn't a conscious decision but I am trying to make it more available to me to be able to decide to do something and be able to do it. I just had the impulse to use my ventolin because a trickle of fear ran through me and restricted my breathing for a moment as I wrote the last bit and as I noticed it was just fear the need went away again. Not being able to breathe well enough to lead a fuller life has been a huge part of my life for so long. I am ready to let it go. It could happen quickly or it could take a while. My only commitment is to flood myself with love, while keep on letting go of fear, keep growing and learning and expressing and seeing where this life experiment takes me, without fearing it will not work and I will look somehow stupid for thinking it could.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-27659364538304643162012-10-09T12:43:00.001-07:002012-10-16T06:27:14.099-07:00End of the World? Be Happy Anyway Stuff Fear...<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I
know it is bit of a stretch but (wish I could do little music thing
there like you can do a ♥) *singing 'If you feel like a bag of shit
but are happy anyway and you know it clap you hands....clap
clap'<br /><br />Just because some things are shit doesn't mean
everything is...I feel quite rough but it isn't as hard as all that
time finding breathing such a difficult task impossible to do well
when walking, it is only mildly affecting me now, you can't
understand how much better it can feel to just feel shit!!!! Unless
you do! ♥</span></span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">It is
harder still to look to more the positive when the system seems to
punish you even worse and deny the things we get so used to dealing
with we can partly ignore them to stay positive in difficult
conditions...or something like that...I have a fuzzier head today
than it has been...the cold symptoms are seeing to that..but I am
tending to my needs and this darkened room is perfect to feel the
best I can at the moment.<br /><br />I am finally letting go of the fear
that the war on ill people has been making me more ill through. Or at
least more often. I am doing all I can to get better so I can pursue
my passions and work on my art instead of just dreaming about it. I
have everything I need to make a living except for health and staff!!
They may not want to give me a chance to get better but I am going to
give myself that gift...thank ♥ and support from those who want to
see me fly and support me in the ways they do so that even in the
midst of adversity my wings are only clipped and have time to grow
back stronger than ever....</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I have
been lifting myself and being uplifted by others. My expressing is
more 'me' and I have felt restricted bodily and in my expression over
the last few months. I feel I needed that process to break through
the fear barrier a little more. One thing I am going to do is make a
double appointment with the doctor whose focus on dwp policy scared
me so much I was distressed to the point of seeing visions of myself
self harming and became more ill again, a reminder of my breakdown
when I was first declared fit for work. Also a reminder of when I
first got ill physically and part of me was pleased it had come out
that way rather than mentally shutting down or obsessing. I have
experienced both and neither are much fun. One tends to make you curl
up and sleep as much as possible and the other not eat, not sleep,
not relax, not be able to deal with anything and pretty
jittery.<br /><br />Then the adrenals join the party and start playing up
and it is all a matter of an emotional, mental and physical shitstorm
that explodes from time to time....think of the shit demon from
Dogma. But panic attacks are not funny either, although they look
ridiculous to other people and secretly we feel like we are being
ridiculous for having them, even when we understand partially why.
The emotional issues triggering adrenalin surges, which affect the
whole system including the emotions, that cycle of what comes first
the emotion or the biological reaction in the system of our bodies
not working due to conflicting thoughts and feelings going on.<br /><br />I
see this in the way patterns follow the minute in nature up to the
immense...such as atoms, neurons, cells & galaxies all
fascinating...I look for patterns in things if I am sat somewhere and
there is a mould spot I will look for the pictures, or mud or working
out the way the pattern works in a wallpaper or fabric, where the
repeat happens and how well or badly it does. That could be because I
did textile design on the GNVQ. I so wanted to take wildlife
illustration back to learning more about textile design, but
something I could probably excelled at but not why I am here.<br /><br />Oh
I tangented! Come closer, lean in I am going to whisper this I see
dead people, well not very often but it has been known, no...I see
patterns in the conflicts within us all and the breakdowns in
community the old values and beliefs breaking down for many. No
matter how we view the world, not many can still deny we are living
in odd times which seem very nasty in places and beautiful in others.
Where the most fear is generated gives power to those who would hold
us in fear. Controlling, oppressive regimes that abuse many to
benefit a few are given their power by our fear to speak up or do
different. They also use many people controlled by the rules to do
the dirty work.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">End of
the World? Be Happy Anyway Stuff Fear...up the jacksies of the
abusers and controllers...but then again the fear they spread is fear
owned by them. They know we are empowered by letting go of fear. I
wonder if they know that they disempower themselves by trying to feed
off the power of others? It means that they rely on us to play our
role so they can feel in charge.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Hmm what
does that actually mean?</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Are we
actually keeping them in a role if we all collude to trap us all in a
web of fear?</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I don't
know the answer...that is why I keep asking questions and wondering
about what life is all about. After all being restricted by body
means I have a lot of time to think and do all I can to keep finding
well being even when being ill.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="border: none; line-height: 0.32cm; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-43958365079734089022012-10-07T12:41:00.000-07:002012-10-10T06:03:17.597-07:00GBE2 73 ~ Picture Prompt ~ A Moment of Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/285054_10151279257044453_738419251_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/285054_10151279257044453_738419251_n.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">A
heart warming smile</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">from
a stranger</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">with
love behind</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">the
twinkle in his eye</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">he
could be a rich man</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">he
could be poor</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">he
could have had struggles</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">he
could have suffered</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">his
story unknown</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">in
this moment</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">it's
simple</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">Joy</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">in
a smile.</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';">Which
rather allows me to take a huge step of artistic licence to say what
I wanted to say regardless of the prompt...is that naughty? </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">When
I woke up this morning I was thinking of what I said here...When
people dismiss suffering it can make the suffering feel even
worse...sometimes we need to speak out to show people how their
ignorance is harmful. Compassion and at least an attempt to
understand can go a long way towards dealing with it, especially in
moments where it threatens to overwhelm us again...</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">After
speaking to my mum and us having a lovely light-hearted and serious
chat I wrote my status for today. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">*Our
biggest enemy is fear...it attacks our well being worse than any
other thing. The physical shite we go through is always made worse by
how much fear it evokes within us...</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">All
our most challenging emotions have fear at the base of them and all
our uplifting emotions are given their wings by the love that is
always available to us when not cloaked by our fear...</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Our
hope and our guiding light to get through the darkest times we face
as individuals and as a combination which is the whole of
humanity...including those rotten gits that stir the fear the
worst...or something like that!</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I've
been dancing with fear the last few months...I have had many moments
where I thought I would buckle and maybe even die...every moment I
get fear out of the way I can breathe and I can manage to do
something towards self care.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
have been working on facing my fears for a long time. Sometimes just
experiencing them and finding our way back out the other side gives
us insights that we share and help remind us all how much fear can
cripple us and how much loving compassion shared helps us all...our
fears can be sparked by similar things, buttons of past pain and
loss...I wrote on my wall the other day I am not brave, I have just
somehow managed to get through all the shite so far...at that point I
felt quite low. We all have more worth than we are often shown and by
ourselves at times as well...when we support each other with
outpourings of love and understanding we can inspire each other to
keep on trucking through....*</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
have had a better day than for months. Maybe I really am on the road
to recovery this time. I rang mum again a couple of hours ago. I read
out what I had written to her and my voice was stronger than she has
heard it for a long time. She wanted her friend to hear it too and so
I read it out again. Mum's friend often says what a waste of my
talents by not being well enough to do much with them. I said it
isn't a waste, it is unlikely I would have written that without the
suffering I went through to come to that deeper understanding of what
I already know!</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">I
wonder if it makes the messages I feel the need to share in any way
more powerful due to the suffering it took to get there? At the
moment, I am in a state of love and understanding where my fear of
continued suffering kept me trapped in a very limited state. I also
wonder at the potential for increased well being as I let love wash
away the fears my experience of life has challenged me with,
including the fear of being treated as worthless due to being ill.
Also of being a burden to those who care for me.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Segoe Print;">Fear
is a cycle we can break out of from time to time, I think it is when
we respect where the fear has come from and love anyway, trusting
that we can free ourselves from fear, even deep rooted ones...or
something like that...it'll bite me on the bum again and become a
pain in my neck and I may find myself struggling to breathe when fear
gets me back in a grip, drowning in my sorrow at a life ripped out of
me, again I will tell fear, I understand why you are here, eventually
or sooner than later and I will be love again, with love I can reach
for the stars and find my dreams stuffed down the back of the sofa...</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 0.45cm; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Picture
prompt found at...</span></span></span><a href="http://www.morguefile.com/"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background: #ffffff;">http://www.morguefile.com/</span></span></span></span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-71958770638898081792012-09-28T15:23:00.001-07:002012-09-28T15:30:37.123-07:00The Greatest Love of All ~ Open letter to Britains Oppressers<br />
<h5>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;">Elaine Edwards</span></span></span></a><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> shared a </span></span></span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DfADr-rIIC78%26feature%3Dshare&h=mAQFBwoBtAQFpbsk8_GbefMCAsfLPMQu8VB-ktWJyellFvw&enc=AZNBfj9dH5930kpFxEE_IYRlEnPWWFRRcfROmU5dSh_5CELJI1uIU5uRa3NvwYY_xFqvS5hceN9BuE2grK0D3Q98&s=1" target="_blank"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">link</span></span></span></span></a><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">. </span></span></span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/398438733556644"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">42 minutes ago</span></span></span></span></a></span></h5>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus; font-size: large;">I finally slept 2pm-9.30pm I sat for a little while before I was able to go to the loo...as I was filling my flask for coffee making by the bed I was thinking of writing an open letter to the gov and system about how I believe the system is</span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;">following a path of eugenics. Actually it was as I poohed a release that had unusually been compacted, I was thinking about that and how they know how to nurture a healthy society, they are choosing to make us as ill as they can, poisoning us in any way they can, getting innocent* people doing their dirty work believing they are doing good or suffering in their own part of implementing dangerous and colluding with dangerous policy, conflicted as they increase the suffering of those suffering already. It was as I was pouring boiling water into my flask I had this song start to replace the thoughts of the partly formed letter I hope I will be able to write...inspired by </span></span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/keith.lindsaycameron" style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #3b5998;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;">Keith Ordinary Guy</span></span></span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;">...</span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/fADr-rIIC78?fs=1" width="459"></iframe><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0].[1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0].[2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0].[3]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0].[4]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0].[5]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]."></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[0]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[1]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[2]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[3]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[4]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[5]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[6]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[7]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[8]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[9]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[10]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[11]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[12]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[13]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[14]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[15]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[16]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[17]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[18]"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" name=".reactRoot[47].[1][2][1]{comment398438733556644_3568998}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[19]"></a> <span style="font-family: Andalus;">Do you think I should write...<br />
<br />
Dear David and your gang of bullies,<br />
I was thinking of you and your despicable agenda as I had a poo today...you are not as stupid as you like to pretend to be, you are deliberately impacting on the lives of people who are already strained to the limits by their health conditions. It is well known that if you nurture a patient/child/person they are more likely to thrive...damn see I find it hard to be concise...I will think about this but I also need to sort out the doctor situation, which is a fear I have to face...<br />
<br />
I am doing my best to not be further harmed by this psychological warfare that is aimed at us all but first affecting the most vulnerable people in the country first. My mental health would be a lot more stable if I was supported and cared for adequately to enable me to recover from the devastating physical difficulties I am experiencing. I wouldn't have felt like self harming on Wednesday and have to fight the inner battle and cry for 6-8 hours if I had felt that I was safe and could rely on fair continual support from my doctors surgery. I fell into the pit of fear, you nearly got me. You will never know how much mental and emotional work it took to get through that day.<br />
<br />
I may be vulnerable and physically weak, but I have a strength of love on my side. I almost pity you for your fear and hatred of weakness and insecurity and the superiority complex you cover it up with...<br />
<br />
Despite the fact you would cheer at my death though my condition or suicide I send you love and compassion and wishes for your fear and hatred to heal, for your humanity to grow instead of wither and die like you appear to expect us to. You in your lack of compassion for fellow humans are weaker than those fighting the hardest to survive your attack on us.<br />
<br />
I keep making peace with the fact I am being attacked. It is uncomfortable to be in the direct line of fire of hateful energy. You have an awful lot directed at you. I even enjoyed playing punch Cameron in the facebook myself and I am in favour of love and peace!<br />
<br />
Does your ignorance of the energetic nature of emotions protect you?<br />
Is smugness a shield?<br />
Maybe I shouldn't go off into the territory of how we are connected and all that. How the divide and conquer methods work also by making us hate the them who are hating us as their them...Friday 28th September 2012 at 23.00<br />
<br />
It is now 23.23 and I have just copied and pasted from facebook...as always I didn't know I was going to do this till the impulse took me, it is the only way I can do things and it is all part of my own inner healing of the shadow and light, the fear and love...and I am finding the greatest love of all...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Andalus;">* Undoubtedly there are not so innocent people enjoying working with the abusive energy of the current system but there is a discordance within anyone who enjoys abusing and those who are just following rules that make them feel mildly uncomfortable or horribly sick.*</span></span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-85709880866605954062012-09-27T21:53:00.001-07:002012-09-27T22:52:38.268-07:00An Acquired Taste, An Embarrassment to Some<span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; font-size: large;">I decided to add a disclaimer. I can only vouch for my experience of my ill being and well being I am not being critical about <strike>(you who have it wrong) </strike>your way of dealing with things. My tongue was firmly in my cheek when I wrote the brackets. I am getting it right for me. However we manage our struggle and/also/or dance with life we are all just learning and new truth (or what we currently hold as true) changes our ideas about what is and isn't acceptable. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive; font-size: large;">This is the day after a pretty big meltdown where a doctor pushed my buttons and I did express some of how I felt about that on facebook but it has also made me think about things and pushed me in a direction I hadn't intended taking maybe. I was very distressed after the appointment but I am thinking of booking a double appointment with him and preparing notes of my experience and facing my fear of the system of treating symptoms not individuals...he was a nice doctor just caught in a system that binds him as well as me. Well I could be wrong but that was the impression I got. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="clearfix mbs pbs _1_m " style="border-bottom-color: rgb(229, 229, 229); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<h5 class="_1_s" style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 51px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="clearfix mbs pbs _1_m " style="border-bottom-color: rgb(229, 229, 229); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div class="_1_n fsm fwn fcg" style="color: grey; line-height: 15px;">
<a class="uiLinkSubtle" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151034704641751" style="color: grey; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: small;">5 hours ago</span></a><br />
<div class="uiSelector inlineBlock mls audienceSelector timelineAudienceSelector audienceSelectorNoTruncate dynamicIconSelector uiSelectorNormal uiSelectorDynamicTooltip" style="display: inline-block; margin-left: 1px; margin-top: -2px; max-width: 200px; vertical-align: top; zoom: 1;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><div class="wrap" style="position: relative;">
</div>
<select multiple="false" style="border-color: rgb(189, 199, 216); border-style: solid; display: none; padding: 2px;"><option value=""></option><option value="80">Public</option><option value="40">Friends</option><option value="10">Only me</option><option selected="1" value="111">Custom</option><option value="10150293512456751">Close friends</option><option value="10150429683301751">the cosmos pays not been great yet!</option><option value="See all lists...">See all lists...</option><option value="10150362663971751">CCTA</option><option value="10150344221846751">newcastle emlyn</option><option value="10150339529586751">Ysgol Dyffryn Teifi</option><option value="10150294334916751">Sir Thomas Picton School</option><option value="10150293512486751">Family</option><option value="10150293510726751">Pembrokeshire College</option><option value="10150392205176751">Acquaintances</option><option value="Go Back">Go Back</option></select></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="_1x1" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;">
<div class="userContentWrapper">
<div class="_wk" style="line-height: 18px;">
<span class="userContent" style="font-size: small;">Calmer today. Potentially more help is on its way. My hands feel like I have been clinging on to a tightrope for dear life. I haven't had hand pain like this for months. As all things it will pass...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="fbTimelineUFI uiCommentContainer" style="background-color: white; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: -12px; margin-left: -12px; margin-top: -12px; padding-top: 3px; position: relative; top: 12px; width: 403px;">
<form action="https://www.facebook.com/ajax/ufi/modify.php" class="live_10151034704641751_316526391751760 commentable_item autoexpand_mode" data-live="{"seq":"10151034704641751_23151475"}" id="usxhsgy134" method="post" rel="async" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="fbTimelineFeedbackHeader">
<div class="fbTimelineFeedbackActions clearfix" style="background-color: #edeff4; padding: 5px 13px; zoom: 1;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]..[0].[1]" style="line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]" style="line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">d continued.......left eye is sore...svery tired but active mind can't switch off cos time3line needs to be written or notes started....not my ego's idea...just got myself all relaxed & healing self took over!!!</span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="uiUfi UFIContainer" id="usxhsgy126" style="margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; width: 402.9848327636719px;">
<ul class="UFIList" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" id=".reactRoot[31]" style="list-style-type: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="UFIRow UFIRow UFIComment" data-ft="{"tn":"R3"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 5px 12px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}." style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]">
<div class="clearfix _8m" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]." style="overflow: hidden; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1].">
<div class="UFICommentActions fsm fwn fcg" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]..[1]" style="color: grey; padding-top: 2px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151034704641751?comment_id=23150409&offset=0&total_comments=5" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0].[0]" style="color: grey; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">2 hours ago</a></span><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150409}..[1]..[1]..[1].[1][0]"> · </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIRow UFIComment" data-ft="{"tn":"R2"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 5px 12px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}." style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]">
<div class="clearfix _8m" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]." style="overflow: hidden; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1].">
<div class="UFICommentContent" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]" style="font-size: x-small;">feck just lost huge wedge3 of badly typed but also treble or more effort to type thing...hand hurting wrists too</span></div>
<div class="UFICommentActions fsm fwn fcg" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]..[1]" style="color: grey; padding-top: 2px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151034704641751?comment_id=23150429&offset=0&total_comments=5" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0].[0]" style="color: grey; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">2 hours ago</a></span><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23150429}..[1]..[1]..[1].[1][0]"> · </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIRow UFIComment" data-ft="{"tn":"R1"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 5px 12px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}." style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]">
<div class="clearfix _8m" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]." style="overflow: hidden; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[0]" style="float: right;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[0]." style="background-image: url(https://s-static.ak.fbcdn.net/rsrc.php/v2/yx/x/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 0; padding: 0px; position: relative; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;" title="Edit or Delete"></a></span></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1].">
<div class="UFICommentContent" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]" style="font-size: x-small;">inspiration strikes and doesn't always give you first choice to record it so I did a video...after recording it I thought of how I am an acquired taste, embarrassing to my family...</span></div>
<div class="UFICommentActions fsm fwn fcg" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]..[1]" style="color: grey; padding-top: 2px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151034704641751?comment_id=23151349&offset=0&total_comments=5" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0].[0]" style="color: grey; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">24 minutes ago</a></span><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151349}..[1]..[1]..[1].[1][0]"> · </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIRow UFIComment" data-ft="{"tn":"R0"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 5px 12px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}." style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="lfloat" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[0]" style="float: left;">
<a aria-hidden="true" class="img _8o _8s" data-ft="{"tn":"T"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[0]." style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; margin-right: 8px; text-decoration: none;" tabindex="-1"></a><a aria-hidden="true" class="img _8o _8s" data-ft="{"tn":"T"}" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/hovercard.php?id=546281750" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[0]." style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-right: 8px; text-decoration: none;" tabindex="-1"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[1]" style="color: #333333; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]" style="color: #333333; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><span class="UFICommentBody" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]."><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0]"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[0].[0]">it's uploading...by the way I used to get embarrassed even when presenting myself far better than the video that is currently uploading....I can't remember what I said now....but i</span></span><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]."><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]..[3]..[0]">t is all a start to a possible chance of what happens between relapses...it can last hours days...I'm looking forward to it happening more than a few hours a day but daily for weeks...wouldn't that be marvellous...when I engage with my passion I get there...stresses get in the way and ill being happens in more extreme ways...</span></span></span></span></span></span></a></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]">
<div class="clearfix _8m" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]." style="overflow: hidden; zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1].">
<div class="UFICommentActions fsm fwn fcg" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[1]" style="color: grey; padding-top: 2px;">
<span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0]" style="font-size: x-small;"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151034704641751?comment_id=23151454&offset=0&total_comments=5" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151454}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0].[0]" style="color: grey; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">11 minutes </a></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li class="UFIRow UFIRow UFIComment" data-ft="{"tn":"R"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}" style="background-color: #edeff4; border: 0px; margin-top: 1px; padding: 5px 12px;"><div class="clearfix" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}." style="zoom: 1;">
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]">
<div class="clearfix _8m" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]." style="overflow: hidden; zoom: 1;">
<div class="rfloat" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[0]" style="float: right;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a class="uiCloseButton UFICommentCloseButton UFIEditButton" data-hover="tooltip" data-tooltip-alignh="center" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1530505671786914222" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[0]." style="background-image: url(https://s-static.ak.fbcdn.net/rsrc.php/v2/yx/x/rkQF27utoCR.png); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; height: 15px; margin: 0px; opacity: 0; padding: 0px; position: relative; width: 15px; z-index: 1; zoom: 1;" title="Edit or Delete"></a></span></div>
<div class="" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]">
<div id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1].">
<div class="UFICommentContent" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]..[0]">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]..[0].[2]" style="font-size: x-small;">I get a feeling like stage fright whe</span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="font-size: small;">n I post a video...no matter how big the audience is...when I am in the right mood and with people I can be myself with without them getting too shocked or weirded out I can go on a roll....I did tonight...it's been a lovely night....the rainbow after the storm.</span></div>
<div class="UFICommentActions fsm fwn fcg" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]..[1]" style="color: grey; font-size: 11px; padding-top: 2px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0]"><a class="uiLinkSubtle" data-ft="{"tn":"N"}" href="https://www.facebook.com/elainee3/posts/10151034704641751?comment_id=23151475&offset=0&total_comments=5" id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]..[1].[0].[0]" style="color: grey; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">8 minutes ago</a></span><span id=".reactRoot[31].[1][2][1]{comment10151034704641751_23151475}..[1]..[1]..[1].[1][0]"> ·</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
</h5>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_C4ZfXPuxIo?fs=1" width="459"></iframe>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-27562934960800332702012-09-27T14:35:00.001-07:002012-09-27T14:41:52.666-07:00Massdebaters and other poems things I wrote ages ago<br />
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>A World of Massdebaters ~ Why</b></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" id="yui_3_2_0_1_13487240759213932" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
<span id="yui_3_2_0_1_13487240759213930" style="font-size: x-small;">Why do we massdebate who is right who is wrong<br />Christianity and some other religions have the answers in a book<br />Others argue the only answers are in logic and science that there is no God<br />There are ones who know they don't know all the answers but know there's more<br />Are you right with books or science or inner knowing are you wrong<br />Oh my God you may be wrong<br />What would that mean<br />Hell for you<br />Is it true<br />I don't think so<br />You have the right<br />To believe as you do<br />To question or follow blind<br />The real absolute truth<br />Will only be known<br />When you are dead<br />And you may well find<br />It wasn't what you thought<br />But that's okay<br />It really didn't matter<br />The time wasted<br />Massdebated<br />Arguing getting cross<br />Could be better spent<br />If you masturbate instead<br />It's not a sin it's a way to joy<br />Fabulous shared with a loved one<br />In the end can we comprehend<br />The simple complex matter<br />If the truth we seek<br />Leaped at our feet<br />Would we walk all over it<br />My belief and yours<br />May be opposing because<br />We each are free to think if not to express<br />When we try to force our view to be held true<br />We just become divided<br />That is not humanistic or religious<br />Can't we agree to disagree<br />Discuss what we think is true<br />Now who is it who wants this war<br />To conquer all to their view<br />Why not come in peace stop this superiority<br />You are just a human being<br />Stop mocking others for their belief<br />Stop thinking you are right<br />We all are wrong we all are right<br />We all have our own way<br />Not a person on this earth understands all the mystery<br />So give up the fight to be completely right<br />Play life your way what works for you<br />It's fine to discuss and share your point of view<br />Respect each other's folly<br />For your folly is just as great<br />Life is sort of what you belief it to be<br />But the truth will find you in the end.<br />© Elaine 3.21pm 31:08:08</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<b>Random Acts of Kindness</b><br />
Acts of random kindness are fulfilling to the soul<br />
A simple smile and loving thought can spread a little ease<br />
Not all the acts of kindness that we do need to be well known<br />
If you have raised anothers spirits your own will rise up too<br />
Things we share with open heart indeed a precious gift<br />
With gratitude a celebration of kindness that is love<br />
Without expectation for praise and adoration<br />
Allowing magic of the law of attraction<br />
Kind acts received out of the blue<br />
Kindness supports us too<br />
It seems so selfless<br />
To be kind<br />
Yet<br />
In<br />
Truth<br />
It lets love flow.<br />
© Elaine 01.50am 5th August 2008.<br />
<br />
<b>Is It Really Kind?</b><br />
Kindness does not hurt another<br />
With harsh words<br />
Deeds or thoughts<br />
A part of love<br />
It does not judge or bind<br />
Human kindness connects us all<br />
When we allow it to<br />
If all our hearts<br />
Become unbound<br />
Of sibling rivalry<br />
Let go the shackles<br />
Of hate and fear<br />
All pain we share<br />
False pride<br />
Ego superiority<br />
Be kind<br />
Forgive<br />
Move on<br />
Embrace<br />
Set free<br />
Brother<br />
Sister<br />
Family<br />
Love all humanity<br />
Be kind to you and me.<br />
© Elaine 02.15 am 5th August 2008.</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
<b>Being</b><br />
I ask my ego<br />
Step aside<br />
Is that how to be<br />
I invite my ego<br />
Walk by my side<br />
Be all I can be</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Not let false pride<br />
Let me slide<br />
Into misery<br />
I aim to be<br />
The best in me<br />
That does not mean<br />
I'm better<br />
Competition<br />
Who is best<br />
Not I<br />
Not you<br />
Not he<br />
Not she<br />
No matter<br />
Achievement<br />
Failure<br />
Victim<br />
Villain<br />
Hero<br />
Saint<br />
Or<br />
Sinner<br />
At the core<br />
Of all who live<br />
Human heart<br />
Soul<br />
Spirit<br />
Magic<br />
Logic<br />
Love<br />
A choice<br />
To not let fear<br />
Hold you back from Grace<br />
Whichever way your journey takes you<br />
Whatever philosophy you hold true<br />
I aim to heal my ego's lust<br />
To sabotage my love<br />
Compassion lost<br />
Regained<br />
Let<br />
Peace reign<br />
Within you and without you.</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
©Elaine 19.23pm 5th August 2008</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>I Am Only Human</b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />Let us not forget<br />We are only human<br />Within the confines</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Of this</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">body</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>of mine</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Influenced</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">b</span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>y its senses</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>The hormonal disruption<br />That goes to my brain<br />Electrical function<br />My heart beats<br />The breath<br />Inside<br />I</b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />Breathe Love<br />Oxygen to the soul<br />Shining its light throughout me<br />Infusing me in divinity<br />I have been searching<br />How<br />Can we<br />Find the way</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>For</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>all</b></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> to </span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>follow</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Life the</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>wa</b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">y</span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>they</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> choose</b></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>So many ways to reach divine<br />Why can't opposing views see<br />Theirs isn't the only way<br />My ways aren't<br />No-One's<br />Are</b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />They all can be.</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">© Elaine 03.11 am 08.08.08 (Part 1)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Part Two We Are Human</b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />I've been looking for ways<br />To how we unite our divisions<br />It was staring me in the face<br />Like an opposing view<br />That doesn't see the other<br />Only seeing in the mirror<br />Yet not seeing themselves<br />The things not liked they see<br />Aspects of self transposed<br />In mirror image left is right<br />A paradox or two<br />The way to the divine<br />Will certainly entwine</span><span style="color: #6600cc;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Divi</b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">sion and u</span><span style="color: #6600cc;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>nity</b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />To find them we need look inside<br />Past technicality of life<br />Go within find soul<br />Bring division into unity<br />Entwined become divinity<br />Found within you and me<br />I found it in me now I see it in you<br />You may still be looking outside<br />After all we are only human<br />We forget even when we know<br />We are soul playing this great game of life<br />You don't even have to follow a spiritual path<br />Just be who you are meant to be.</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">© Elaine 03.11 am 08.08.08</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-right: 0.05cm; padding: 0px;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
<u><b>Reality & Illusion</b></u></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
They really do</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Go hand in hand</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Reality and illusion</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
You'd think they are</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Quite opposite</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
That pair of concepts</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
As that is all they are</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
My concept of reality</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Will be unique to me</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
As yours will be to you</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
No matter who the me is</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Nor either who the you</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
We live so much time</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Completely in illusion</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Not knowing which is which</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
For I have come to know</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Reality is an illusion</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
As Einstein said</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Illusion is reality</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
What we may consider</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
A world of fantasy</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Is just as likely to be true</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
As one of desolation</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Fear and hate</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
My world reality</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
I see beyond the play</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
I live as love my soul</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
I fall back into the illusion</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Of commonly perceived reality</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
I find it can quite hurt there</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
So did I create the world I see</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
When I live from my heart</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Or am I quite deluded</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Or are you if you think</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
You have it right</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
I think one day</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
We may all find</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
We are all right</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
And we are all wrong</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
There is no right or wrong</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Like Illusion and reality</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
They really are the same</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Without the correct balance</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
They both can cause us pain</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Sometimes illusions reality</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Does need from time to time</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
A touch of magic present in them both.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding: 0px;">
Elaine <span style="font-size: x-small;">18.39 24</span><sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup><span style="font-size: x-small;"> June 2008</span></div>
Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1530505671786914222.post-50766154165614864852012-09-25T01:24:00.002-07:002012-09-25T02:38:05.999-07:00Being Kind<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; font-size: large; line-height: 25px;">Being kind to myself and everyone I encounter, an ongoing thing that I will fail at sometimes but always have the new moment to do better in...or something like that...continues...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; line-height: 25px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; line-height: 25px;">Monday I slept most of the day. The man who is collecting the information to see if I can have funding to repair my leaking roof and dusty concrete floors wanted to visit. I switched the ringer off the cordless phone and unplugged the corded one. I am breathing easier but I just could not cope with him visiting just for a short time. It is a stressful thing and besides I have been really very ill. I slept again later and woke around 1 am. I was able to eat again. I thought I would fall back asleep but I have been managing to relax and as I didn't want to watch anything new in case I fell asleep I went back to the start of Heroes yet again. Not needing to concentrate on it and letting my mind wander.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; line-height: 25px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I was thinking about all sorts of things ambling around the concepts I have been exploring about life, reality, what's going on in my world and yours and ours. I was thinking about the history as stated on the BBC thing about the one woman from Africa, how we went from hunter gatherers to farmers, from tribal to the roots of civilisation, which has possibly always had some very uncivilised flaws. How human survival has always depended on us supporting each other. I read on a support group page how bad the symptoms are that a fellow ill person is suffering and how they feel unable to ask the doctor about it because they are worried about looking like a hypochondriac due to the high number of various symptoms they suffer with. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I was lying in my bed passively 'watching' the drama allowing all these thoughts free reign to dance about till they maybe formed an orderly queue to a so far conclusion about stuff. I was also admitting to myself I still feel less than or more perceived as less than for not being well enough to participate in life the way I would prefer. Although it isn't so bad when it is 'just' like it is now. I am not particularly rough feeling not well feeling but at a very slow pace I can stay comfortable with tiny forays into moderately uncomfortable, which before I become chronically persistently ill would have been considered considerably below par and now is considered pretty damn good.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; line-height: 25px;"> I feel somewhat unlikely to be understood by most people, including the man who wanted to visit but not the lady who visited the last time. I felt more comfortable with her, the anxiety was high to meet her but I felt more understood and safe with her visit than most. Over the last 24 hours or so I have battled with myself to say I don't want to carry on trying to get this help that I need. I just want to move, which would be just as much work in many ways. I had gone into panic again about the work needed doing to move forward into a more comfortable environment, free of damp and mould. The dealing with people invading my comfort zone that isn't exactly the safest it could be and the work to clear the space for the floor to be fixed. It is daunting if you are in reasonable health. When you have been a borderline emergency for weeks on end and are now just the more usual quite good with <b>plenty</b> of rest, it seems somehow more daunting.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; line-height: 25px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I also should go to the doctors to get a new note around 28th September the 3 months from the last one is up. I have been too ill to go to see about any further tests or chance of diagnosing something that would explain my multiple symptoms, not that I want to get a label for them but because it is demanded by the system we have a name for something for the symptoms to then be ignored in the assessments. I also read an apology from an ex-atos nurse who knowingly gave results on the tests that would have the 'clients' declared for work when she knew they were far from it. </span></span></span><a href="http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/nurse-makes-heartfelt-apology-after-1340838">http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/nurse-makes-heartfelt-apology-after-1340838</a><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">The nurse who did my assessment jumped on anything she could state truthfully that could make it seem I was fit and not affected by health issues. She also left things out and decided I was lying a few times so put her version of what she assessed me as. Saying that I try to think of my children seems to prove I never feel so overwhelmed I feel like ending it. It was a Friday I probably failed before I got there, she may well have given fair assessment to the maximum number of people to be awarded benefits that week. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Calligraph421 BT', cursive; line-height: 25px;">Oddly when it is a more life or death type struggle I tend to be more concerned with staying alive. Long stretches of feeling awful but not in a particular life threatening way is harder to deal with in many ways. Not that it is much fun being too breathless to eat or sleep. I guess it is no wonder I sometimes get a bit down. I prefer to make light of it all and enjoy whatever moments I can. They could be my last, we never really know how long we have so no matter what it is probably wise to enjoy as much of it as we can.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I was able to walk to the car in the early hours, it didn't start. It needs taxing by the end of the month. I've had 10 weeks back pay at assessment rates. Things I need/must/should do are piling up and I am still struggling to be able to manage daily basics.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I still haven't got to the point I was trying to make in the last one.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">There is other unkindness that has been in my story. There are varying degrees of kindness with and without understanding. We are all ignorant as well as kind or unkind at times, sometimes intended kindness can be a bit cruel and sometimes cruelty can be sort of kind, I suppose. I may have to sulk a bit more about that before I can be thankful for some of it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, especially when we allow ourselves to have our tantrum about it, sulk and pout and feel righteous, get up brush ourselves down, breathe ~ very important that one I can vouch for that, it is really really uncomfortable to not do that well, and keep going at whatever pace we can manage. I am going slower than average tortoise pace and that is okay. I am making peace with that. If anyone thinks it is not good enough, well that is their opinion and nothing to do with me. Actually probably a sign of how hard they may be on themselves, even if they indulge their own flaws, with or without recognising them.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I just remembered what I intended to start this off with. It was about the luxury of being able to be too busy to constantly ponder these issues, confronting the deepest fears, shadows and concepts of how lacking we are for what we can or can't achieve, have or do. I was also considering how we need to focus on what we can do to heal. We can't however ignore what we can't do. We can't function at a level that a person without many debilitating symptoms can if that is the way it is for us. With at the very least close to adequate financial, physical, mental and emotional support in many areas of care we can do more, be more. Although we may be able to survive some pretty harsh times and keep surprising ourselves at our resilience, determination and ability to process the resentment so we can at least remain kind to most who come into contact with us. I've been practising softening the feelings around the ones who have been cruel, for my own sanity and to take away their power to keep hurting me, through me harbouring that pain. Dealing with past trauma that way is helping now, it is a continued practise of staying engaged with living.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">Another point I have been wanting to make is the many stories that state, 'I know this bloke who says he has a bad back and I see him doing this or that.' The way the lazy, scrounger rhetoric has been embedded as an excuse to hound all ill and disabled people really gets to me. Yes if it is daily seeing someone doing things that indicate they are fit may mean they are on the fiddle, occasional activity witnessed is a different beast. We never know how much someone else is suffering, we may look at them and think they are being a wimp or a fake. I know there are people who have seen me in that way, which is another reason I don't try so hard to hide my suffering and also understand I can never know how much or how little others I meet have or are suffering and ignoring much of it and hiding as much of the rest as they can.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">Being kind was always something I aspired to. Knowing the effects of cruelty more intimately than ever I did before makes loving compassion feel even more necessary.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">Practising always on the easy ones to love when the more difficult ones are beyond my current capacity and quite possibly visa versa...mutual keeping distances...makes it easier to forgive the resentments of why, when the reasons may make sense but the energy of it all is the thing that keeps the game in play. I've gone into vibrations without a reintroduction...I was lying having trouble relaxing the other night when I started thinking about the vibrations of feeling good and of the giggles I had shared earlier...my tension was exterminated and I fell into a happy funny dream filled sleep...which at 09.11 am I am about to attempt again now.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">I don't think anyone really knows but I think I have some good ideas and I read other ideas that bits seem about right. I read a thing the other day saying I am an apocalypsoptimist, I lean towards that. We are in the middle of the shitstorm already but even if it gets worse before it gets better, it will get better...survival is for the most adaptable, not just the rich...kindness will be the new black but not just a fashion statement because the shit in this shitstorm sticks to cruelty kindness maybe is the metaphor for tin foil wrapping...winking grins...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; color: #20124d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calligraph421 BT, cursive;"><span style="line-height: 25px;">...</span></span></span>Peace Artist Laineyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01752499118846572098noreply@blogger.com0