I may write some more here at some point or I may just do that in comments...I'm feeling like there is something changing, a change about to come, a breakthrough, I keep also finding that happy place within with all being as is...
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Argh I had the link here and added words to the bottom and it disappears I am not a big fan of technology and it's annoying habits...may have sorted it...in case anyone looks :o)
Do I have depression?
No but I guess it plays a part chicken and egg, I pretty much lost my immune system when I was busy nearly dying in 2004. I wasn't careless it was by following doctors orders after an allergic reaction to bleach in a charity hair cut incident. Medication killed my fragile immune system and did it's best to break me with bad skin and ugliness, especially in the first couple of years, this was along side many other factors...so I became the saga of my story titled ~ wounded healer...something the really inquisitive and stubborn go on...oh as in journey things...or phases or as I like to call them extreme research times...I've quite thoroughly personally researched many health conditions and post traumatic issues, therapy mainly administered by self as no-one knows how to deal with emotions in rational ways these days, it takes a bit of irrationality to work out how to best avoid doctors and their medications and keep as healthy as I can, or at least keep my mental well-being tended to.
Before that I was a single parent who did an art degree, working part time through out. I had a life and a social personality, far more autonomy over my life. I went back to college after a divorce and a rape and finally had access to counselling, which I talked about and inspired many of the youngsters to go while they had the opportunity. After my degree I went on to do counselling skills courses, which I would have topped up with the diploma had I not been too ill to attend the place I secured.
I was self employed as an artist/craftsperson/Reiki master/budding writer...aspiring counsellor.
I also know that it has been a needed process, which I don't resent, even though it has been really quite vile at times. I have faced so many of my fears...and I am still here, laughing and joking and enjoying the best things of life, which is the ability to love and be love...and throw huge pity parties when it all gets too much, cry, laugh and get through it again and again, which is why it gets a tad tedious when I am considered to be lazy and fit for work, cos if I was I would be out there, earning in the many ways I know how to. I am glad it has changed to tedious, I didn't enjoy the time it felt like a personal attack on not only me but illness and human needs when we find ourselves in times like these. The safety net is very fragile and not necessarily going to catch you without injuring you more.
I recently said....
I don't want to fight for the right to be ill.
I want to be supported towards my well being.
Which means being treated with compassion rather than suspicion.
Encouraged and rewarded, not bullied and punished.
I keep my passion burning bright and with lessening fear it will bring me back to life. I have faith in life, even against all odds. I believe I have a right to live.