Saturday, 24 November 2012

Open letter to Iain Duncan Smith

Hello Iain

I have been trying especially hard to see you as a human being capable of feeling compassion towards other human beings, even if they are not able to benefit you in any way. It is a hard task. You are able to show compassion to your own family by all accounts. You knew the importance of support for your wife when she was seriously ill, so you are capable if it. Yet you tell people who are not independently wealthy the value of working through severe and serious illness, without regard to the amount of suffering and higher likelihood of death before necessary. You implement and oversee policies that ensure vulnerable people are more frightened, stressed and less supported than they need for their recovery or sustained optimal health despite being incapacitated with physical and/or mental health issues.

I would like to ask you to consider that not just as a humanitarian concept but as a sentient being causing severe harm to other sentient beings. I asked the second man who raped me these things. He couldn't see the problem, he had no problem overriding the autonomy of another human being and causing lasting damage to the psyche of that person. I felt empowered telling him how it had affected me, how I had come close to suicide because of the severe distress it had caused me to continue to feel long after the unpleasant encounter where what I felt was disregarded completely. He didn't feel he had done anything wrong, he had not remembered me crying and saying no. You remind me of that man. You blank out the things you don't want to hear about how your policies are working and you ignore genuine suffering that you are causing. That seems to be the way of coping with being an abuser of others.

I had to learn to find peace within because holding a grudge against that man for the suffering he had caused me to live with was destroying me and not bothering him at all. I have found this in other areas where I have been at the receiving end of abuse.

The most difficult abuse to find peace with is the abuse of the system that disregards my suffering and attacks me in a way to virtually ensure I suffer far more than would be necessary if I were given compassionate appropriate support to work through the mental and emotional torment living with abuse issues and severe health issues creates. I do the best I can to work through these issues while often daily wondering if I will survive the day when unable to self care and walking to the toilet could result in my death. I have been treated by an ambulance crew while sitting on the toilet after having a bowel motion and being unable to get the breath to wipe myself, and pull my pants up. At that point nothing else mattered than surviving that moment and not giving my children the story of how mum died with her pants down. That was four months before my WCA and my second hospital admittance since the interview with CAB to fill my ESA50 form.

I was in hospital when I was declared fit for work the month after and got the letter a few days after I got out of hospital. The day my ESA was stopped and the last payment made, a community care grant was paid into my account. It had been awarded with help from CAB after appeal decided on my current health issues and with the intent it would at least help to keep me out of hospital. I had been eager to recover and make steps to make my home safe and sound with measures towards my optimum health so I may one day use my talents to support myself. I was self employed before I became to ill to go out selling my art and crafts.

I always had the lower end of health. I often didn't notice when I had an infection as I was used to being below par and pushing myself to the limits. I was a lone parent who worked part time, then a mature student who did a degree in art with a view to living my dreams. I worked hard and had many wonderful options to explore. I did a charity hair cut which led to a new business idea and an allergic reaction that led to medication that led to my whole life and health falling apart around me. I had so much to grieve. The loss of my family, my health and my dreams. Many times the suffering felt so great I didn't know if I would be able to endure it or survive it. I have had the worst year health wise I have ever endured. It is only in the last week that I have been able to sleep on my right side again, with my back to the nebuliser and emergency use of this machine. Now my tribunal papers are in I can try and focus on living until the horror of being in court for failing to be well is a known date.

I know that my fear is my worst enemy, those who give me reason to fear are merely antagonists in my personal story of life. Real people who play the part of villain in my life and in your case and your friends in government, in many lives. There are many heroes who keep surviving despite your efforts to bully them into worthwhile stock. Or is it just that other person I find hard to see as a human being who has a title of lord but the heart of a rock who sees us as stock? You see I know you see me as worthless while I am ill and even if I recovered enough to fully support myself. You see me as worthless but I know I am worthy of life. That is also the difference between us. I may see you as a man who is cruel and heartless to many but I don't see you as worthless. Beneath the beleifs that you hold that cause you to be cruel there is a man not connected to his very soul, for a man connected to his soul cannot treat other sentient beings in horrific ways.

To connect to your soul you would have to face the horror of what your actions do to people. I can understand why you would wish to continue to be a villain, it is very painful to be a hero. To be a hero you need compassion, to have compassion you have to feel the pain of others, to feel pain you have inflicted on others and to forgive yourself is a great act of courage. I have compassion for you even though I don't feel you have the tenacity it takes to realise yourself as the hero you could have been in a position of power but to remain the villain wreaking tyranny over the masses.

I don't suppose you would know how to reply to this and I don't suppose you would even bother, after all I am just a human being suffering due to your being who you are being.
Love and peace

ps  I was contemplating this while sat having an uncomfortable ibs time and reading my book about the art of spiritual peacemaking. I bet you are delighted I think of you while I release the toxic wastes of my body, alongside other people I see as abusers...smiles


  1. Hello Elaine,
    I wish you all the best and hope your health improves considerably. I'm going to my tribunal next Friday, I have degenerative deceases multiple,I worked for 35 years and paid all my dues. Unfortunately I believe your words will fall to a deaf, dumb and blind hypocrite whose only concern is the amount of wealth he and his like can steal to bloat their already corrupted filled offshore bank accounts. Also the utter destruction, rape and pillage of our once great nation, as they filter away the nations wealth to their corrupt banker friends and the ultra corrupt EU.These people? are nothing more than criminals and like criminals have no concern for their victims welfare, just like criminals and bullies they target easy prey, the sick and or disabled, the old and defenseless.They already kill peoples of other nations in there thousands to bloat their own wealth. They are blind to the suffering, deaf to the screams of injustice and dumb to the honest truth. They are fraudulent Christians,( I'm an Atheist)Their God is wealth and if they murder to get it they bend, twist and break the law to keep it. They buy a corrupt establishment. They should all be serving multi life sentences for crimes against humanity.We could fit everyone of them in one prison. To slightly misquote Churchill, Never in the course of history has so few stole so much from so many. They are stealing the wealth of the world and don't mind how many die in the process.

    1. Hello Austin
      Thank you. I am somewhat better than I have been for months at the moment. My conditions can fluctuate wildly. They are all made worse by stress and my reaction to it. The insomnia is probably the worst thing playing up at the moment. Even the pains are moderate, which is nice. As you can probably relate to a good day for me is what most healthy people would say was a bad day and either force themselves to work with or have the day off.
      All the best for your tribunal. My first one, last year, I found I was treated like a human being, so unlike my WCA. I hope you are treated well at yours. It is a truly horrific time to be unwell and unable to earn a living...bless you. x

    2. How did it go? I won m tribunal last week... x

  2. I wish you all the best wishes I can find in my heart to send.

    You are one of the bravest, a survivor and a fighter.

    With all my heart, I wish you well in everything you acheive,

    ...and you will <3xxx

    1. Thank you Jean and bless you x

      I had a heck of a job to get reply to work I kept refreshing the page and opened it from another link in the end it worked.

      Sending love back & to all the survivors out there, braving the battle of fear in a time where fear is used in the the most awful fashion as a weapon against the masses... xxx

  3. I read this before Lainy but had to come back to it because there was so much to think about here. You've really written a powerful letter here, it's just sad that Austin is probably right that its message would fall on deaf ears. I think millions of people could write letters like this and they would still be ignored. I'm not very good at writing about or understanding politics but I know I see a lot of people really struggling now, despite trying their best to keep going. I really hope you can get your case sorted with a good result for you.
    I'd come over to say I'd nominated you for an award and a writing challenge but it seems so trivial after reading this, but I couldn't leave you out, you're my oldest blogging friend! We've been meeting on our computers for quite a few years now haven't we? For some reason Wales and Welsh stuff seems to be popping up in my life with great regularity these days and I'm sure it's a sign I need to visit one of these days and have that cup of tea with you at long last. Take care Lainy and Jean's right, you are a survivor. xxxxxxxxxxxx

    1. I've been having problems getting reply to work on this lately. Thank you Josie x
      And I know about the deaf ears but shouting it out anyway sometimes is cathartic...smiles...I'd been trying to get better to have some major work done on my house, which would be beneficial for my health. When I got my tribunal papers I realised I had to let up on some of the pressure. I was too ill to cope with so much I was trying to put my life in order, while fighting for my rights and my life...too much for a healthy person, never mind a very ill one. After the tribunal papers went in and with the pressure taken off a tad for working a miracle to prepare for work to be done and putting the fear of the tribunal to the back burner until the time...after all that my health improved little by little. I felt amazing which in healthier days would have been worse but hey walking to the bathroom and not wondering if this time I will make it back is a brilliant state of health! I got my car back from the garage after a battery charge and some insurance work and gasp, should I admit this. I have managed to leave my house alone and drive, for the first time in 13 weeks. I overdid it in my usual style and feel pretty rough today, with what feels and tastes like a chest infection. I will nurture myself get garlic food in me soon. I have started with a banana. It is odd how when you have eaten more one day, almost a proper days food, the next day you feel hungrier than the day after hardly eating a thing. All of what I achieved in the last week would be seen as proof I am fit for work. I had no problems driving, it was as if I had never had a gap in doing so. The fact I wasn't capable in that time would not be seen, just that I had no problems sickens me and just because of that I think about it and feel so many difficult emotions. I am not the way I am because I want to be difficult, I am the way I am because I am. I am doing the best that I can. It would be easy to give up under such circumstances but I don't think I can do things the easy way, even though I have to devise the easiest way to do things with the minimal effort!!!

      And awww what is the award and writing challenge?

      You would be welcome for tea any time, bring milk I don't buy may have to make it and even wash a cup...grins xxx

      I am sure with the evidence I will have a good result in the end. Being put through this is pretty brutal even for a survivor...

      You know...first I was afraid I was petrified
      I kept thinking I couldn't live
      without the system on my side
      I spent oh so many nights considering the abuse and the...not even bothering to put this bit to tune...being ill and fighting for the right to live is worse than divorce...ah well...time to distract myself before I let fear take back over. For every abusive situation there is a time for it to end...a time for the person being victimised to say no more, I will not be your victim. It is not easy but we all need to shout this together in this war against the poor and vulnerable. It isn't always the bully that needs to hear these shouts, sometimes it is the ones who can take the bully in hand...I don't know. I think I may watch some Harry Potter but the dark lords friends remind me of our government...who have taken over more than it had in fiction...I think I would fall asleep anyway...I'm pretty exhausted...

    2. I won x Thurs been exhausted. x