Something in this moment clarified by the conversation in my head with another you out there outside of my world in reality of this moment but an aspect of the picture I hold as it unfolds, of who this person is. I was quite perturbed recently to learn that someone was imagining doing things with me, not just romantic and sexual but saving me from myself and reorganising me. I was a bit spun out to be honest. I hadn't wanted that, just help and maybe friendship. I felt energetically invaded by him.
It brought up ponderings of if that was how it felt when I become attracted to someone and attached to the idea it could work out and times of wanting to expand on experiences already savoured. I can't deny I have in my mind made one or two or maybe quite a few men into my imaginary boyfriend, either trying to involve them or not. Clears throat and suppresses a chuckle that was only half arsed anyway...

I am sensitive to energy of people, so I maybe feel it more keenly, or with an inkling that it is not just me thinking along lines of feelings and visionary glimpses of either mine or anothers dreams. I don't know if I am explaining that well to those who do not experience life in this way. I have found that a lot of solitude and isolation phases actually help me see what is my energy in any connections where it can get a bit lost and merged. 

I think we all have the sense of feeling each others vibration of energy, we just take it so for granted as it is as natural as sensing our surroundings with the more physical defined senses. We feel atmospheres in rooms, we all pick up on other individuals and mass emotional energies. If we are fractured in our boundaries by stress and illness it is harder to feel safe in crowds and to be able to buffer ourselves against the pulls and sways of all the swirls of energy around us. Which can account for many a panic attack I am certain of that...

So back to the point. Since I have become more aware of how we can play with each others energy while thinking we are just having private thoughts and thinking it is fine to do so, thinking we are respecting the other. They may have strong boundaries and anything you think their way bounces back to you or there may be cracks that you get into, delighting or annoying them or both. I am talking of my own experience of this both ways...

And still the point. When I realise I can't stop having thoughts that may be welcome or not if there are cracks for my energy to be invasive. I worked on more not focusing on the person but the aspects I enjoy and creating a character in my mind which may not behave how the person it is based on. Then when I find myself conversing with myself with their character being the other voice that may not say much anyway because I don't always give imaginary characters much chance to talk. Mind in the confines of the context of relating it is all about me when it is a person who is speaking to me because of their job. Of course some friends actually know when I am having daydream type conversations in my head with them, because they are also having them with me...

Now I am not sure if I really made the point but I think it is clear for me. After all the conversations in my head with another you are pretty much ones that bring up stuff I need to look at for either fun or putting old fears to rest in peace, complete and not in pieces....

18.58 Friday 25th September 2015  sharing here written half hour ago or so...